Thank you sister for your prayer, it really it's so much to me. I don't know how I will make it through the day every day my eyes open, but I am in constant prayer asking the Lord to inpart his peace in my heart, I no longer ask for blessings like financial, or a good partner or a home of my own, just Lord help me make it through the day without the tourment of constant pain. I did slide away from God for several years, but I never did any real sins other than Cussing, drinking and fornification with the man that I would be in a relationship with, and knew it was wrong! But even in my worst times of living a secular life, I have never ever been outright cruel or heartless to another human being, much less a friend or family member. And this level of tourment I have been living through is so much more than I would have ever even imagianed for my enemy, so I can not understand why my punishment is so terribly severe. I am also constantly asking God for his direction and will, and wisdom and understanding. I have never drawn myself so close and clingy to God before, even when I was living as a good Christian. I will never live without God again for certain as I have seen true evil work in my life and I know that only God can protect me from that kind of evil power.
God Bless you and your family.
Sara