Let's lift up Dweryall seeking guidance and restoration in marriage. Trusting Jesus for wisdom and comfort. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matt 11:28). Praying for strength and faithfulness in this storm. In Jesus' name! 
Let's lift up 
Let's lift up 
looken4thelite
Humble Prayer Partner
MY SON & I ARE LIVING A TRUE NIGHTMARE & NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!!!
I truly believe that my life was a mistake and never met to be, also I curse the day I was born and seriously wonder if I am even part of the human race, I have never belonged anywhere or with anyone. I don't know what it feels like to be loved, or even liked. I was born to a single mom, & have never known my dad, I have 4 sister's but every day of my life my mother beat me, either physically or emotionally, and only me, not ever any of my 4 sister's, all from different fathers. My sister's,over the years rallied together with my mom against me. I remember endless days of telling myself ("Today, I'm going to be so good and make my family love me.") But the days came and past and it never happened. They even had dozens of pictures of my crying in the family photos, me crying at every age. It felt as they all abused me. I never felt like I belonged to my family and or that how could I have been so terrible to be the only one that got beat? I have no memories of my mother hold me on her lap or holding my hand or hugging me or any benevolent memories of any kind. I was rapped by one of my moms husbands at 7, and that same year my mom offered me up as a sacrifice in her black magic When I got older and bigger 15 y.o. I caught her my mother's hand from striking me and so the hitting stopped that day, but the emotional abuse just kicked in even harder. I got pregnant as a teen with a guy who didn't love me and left me, 2 years later my family disappeared leaving me with a baby and nowhere to go. Got home from work with my baby boy to find an empty Apartment, with no note or even a word of where they were.
we slept in the car and I cried all night, and just cradled my baby, a neighbor took us in the next morning until I could find an apartment. Later I had my 2nd baby outside of marriage, a girl my son was now 7, her dad had a very prosperous Accounting Business, but he to was very abusive, and after 3 years of horrible fighting and 2 suicide attempts, I left him shortly after my daughter was born, he offered to pay me enough money to be a stay home mom as messed up as I was, I was a very loving and attentive mom and good house keeper. Couple years later I had a 3rd daughter, he too was very abusive, and left me alone with now 3 children. I loved my children more than life, and gave them 100% of myself, My life revolved around them, I never did anything right, and no one ever stayed and I never knew or felt unconditional love. But I was a very loving and caring mother and treated all 3 the same. I never wanted any of them to know the pain I had known.
We used to have a house rule... that was, (NOBODIE EVER WENT TO SLEEP UPSET) My life revolved around them, I never did anything right, and no one ever stayed and I never knew or felt unconditional love. But I was a very loving and caring mother and treated all 3 the same. I never wanted any of them to know the pain I had known.
I raised my kids with God and baptized them all and I knew what it was to be happy for about 10 years. Then I fell away from the church, and then God. over the last 8 years
And over the last 8 years, I lost our home as my health had been going down hill, my depression got so bad that I was put on disability due to depression. 5 years ago my oldest daughter left me and went to her dads and never even called... ever! She just cut me out like a cancer, I went into a deeper depression after that and got ulcers. 2 years ago my youngest daughter got gang raped by 4 monster's, it nearly killed me. all I could do was just hold her and rock her, night after night. I developed bleeding ulcers and lost 20lb's. and watched my daughter an A+ Student, go to a young girl who couldn't concentrate at all and barely made D's, along with pulling her hair and banging her head into the walls. It felt like she was on fire and I couldn't put her out, and I had no one, none at all to hold, or even ask me (how are you doing?) it happened on Valentines day and when my son came home from collage that summer, I begged him to stay and finish the last 6 months online. He agreed, then I finally just collapsed. What I do not have time to add in is all of the horrible things that had happened to me personally during the last 30 years, it would fill a whole book easily. I'll just say this, I had several break downs alone and at home becuz I didn't or couldn't leave my kids, or risk the chance of anyone knowing how bad I was doing inside, so I just kept pushing through. Anyway when my daughter was raped it felt as though I had lost her, but kept praying with counseling and time she would come back around. Also her dad started visiting with her after that. And she really wanted that. So I was so happy that she was finally getting that. She deserved everything. Now that she had her brother and her dad, I felt that I could slip away emotionally I guess, and I did. Little did I know that soon after her graduation he would take her from me for ever, just like my older daughter, So my older daughter, and both of my ex's of my two girls had been plotting to take Alissa from me that summer.
They did! That August, I've not heard or seen her since August 17th 2012
and no one to this day will even talk to me or tell me why? They all knew that I was very sick, bleeding ulcers an a intestinal blockage, and severe depression, not to mention, that they knew that I was completely in poverty and had no husband, boyfriend, family, or even a friend. They all knew that I had NOTHING, and had lost so much over the years that loosing Alissa would just kill me, they all knew that she was the apple of my eye. After she left, I lost another 25lb's And the only thing in the world I had, except for her older Brother, and my ex had tried years before to get him to leave me as well. So I rededicated my life to God 4 months ago. last moth they found a growth in my ovaries, and as I have been in constant pain, mentally and physically, my son emailed Alissa and told her (that mom is very sick, and has found growths in her ovaries, and please contact your mother please.)she never replied, she doesn't care if I am dead or alive, she just doesn't care at all, and this just is more than I can bare. Far too many loss's and heart breaks. I hate myself, I feel there is no reason for my existence, and most all of my years on earth have been filled with pain and rejection, and failure. So last week I finally told my bible group about would had happened and asked for prayer for my son and I who are both going through hell, as we have just learned that she is working 5 blocks from where we live, and I just can not bare this depth of pain any longer. My son and I have no one in the world. And now that I asked them to pray for us, the Leader of the Group was a Pastor for 50 years, and he says that most people will never go through this much their whole lives, and he's only heard a portion of all that I've been through, and they made me to feel even worse, like a leaper, or something, I feel so unworthy and as if I have nothing to offer in this world, and that I must be a useless piece of toilet paper that my daughter's can just toss me to the curb without a 2nd thought. Life has just reached a point of complete unbareableness. Even God's people can't understand or be there for me. The lady from the group the next day at bible study told me that my son is going to leave me too! I don't understand anything. And I really thought I was walking with God this last 4 months, closer that I ever had before. I don't understand this life at all, and nothing makes sense.
I truly believe that my life was a mistake and never met to be, also I curse the day I was born and seriously wonder if I am even part of the human race, I have never belonged anywhere or with anyone. I don't know what it feels like to be loved, or even liked. I was born to a single mom, & have never known my dad, I have 4 sister's but every day of my life my mother beat me, either physically or emotionally, and only me, not ever any of my 4 sister's, all from different fathers. My sister's,over the years rallied together with my mom against me. I remember endless days of telling myself ("Today, I'm going to be so good and make my family love me.") But the days came and past and it never happened. They even had dozens of pictures of my crying in the family photos, me crying at every age. It felt as they all abused me. I never felt like I belonged to my family and or that how could I have been so terrible to be the only one that got beat? I have no memories of my mother hold me on her lap or holding my hand or hugging me or any benevolent memories of any kind. I was rapped by one of my moms husbands at 7, and that same year my mom offered me up as a sacrifice in her black magic When I got older and bigger 15 y.o. I caught her my mother's hand from striking me and so the hitting stopped that day, but the emotional abuse just kicked in even harder. I got pregnant as a teen with a guy who didn't love me and left me, 2 years later my family disappeared leaving me with a baby and nowhere to go. Got home from work with my baby boy to find an empty Apartment, with no note or even a word of where they were.
we slept in the car and I cried all night, and just cradled my baby, a neighbor took us in the next morning until I could find an apartment. Later I had my 2nd baby outside of marriage, a girl my son was now 7, her dad had a very prosperous Accounting Business, but he to was very abusive, and after 3 years of horrible fighting and 2 suicide attempts, I left him shortly after my daughter was born, he offered to pay me enough money to be a stay home mom as messed up as I was, I was a very loving and attentive mom and good house keeper. Couple years later I had a 3rd daughter, he too was very abusive, and left me alone with now 3 children. I loved my children more than life, and gave them 100% of myself, My life revolved around them, I never did anything right, and no one ever stayed and I never knew or felt unconditional love. But I was a very loving and caring mother and treated all 3 the same. I never wanted any of them to know the pain I had known.
We used to have a house rule... that was, (NOBODIE EVER WENT TO SLEEP UPSET) My life revolved around them, I never did anything right, and no one ever stayed and I never knew or felt unconditional love. But I was a very loving and caring mother and treated all 3 the same. I never wanted any of them to know the pain I had known.
I raised my kids with God and baptized them all and I knew what it was to be happy for about 10 years. Then I fell away from the church, and then God. over the last 8 years
And over the last 8 years, I lost our home as my health had been going down hill, my depression got so bad that I was put on disability due to depression. 5 years ago my oldest daughter left me and went to her dads and never even called... ever! She just cut me out like a cancer, I went into a deeper depression after that and got ulcers. 2 years ago my youngest daughter got gang raped by 4 monster's, it nearly killed me. all I could do was just hold her and rock her, night after night. I developed bleeding ulcers and lost 20lb's. and watched my daughter an A+ Student, go to a young girl who couldn't concentrate at all and barely made D's, along with pulling her hair and banging her head into the walls. It felt like she was on fire and I couldn't put her out, and I had no one, none at all to hold, or even ask me (how are you doing?) it happened on Valentines day and when my son came home from collage that summer, I begged him to stay and finish the last 6 months online. He agreed, then I finally just collapsed. What I do not have time to add in is all of the horrible things that had happened to me personally during the last 30 years, it would fill a whole book easily. I'll just say this, I had several break downs alone and at home becuz I didn't or couldn't leave my kids, or risk the chance of anyone knowing how bad I was doing inside, so I just kept pushing through. Anyway when my daughter was raped it felt as though I had lost her, but kept praying with counseling and time she would come back around. Also her dad started visiting with her after that. And she really wanted that. So I was so happy that she was finally getting that. She deserved everything. Now that she had her brother and her dad, I felt that I could slip away emotionally I guess, and I did. Little did I know that soon after her graduation he would take her from me for ever, just like my older daughter, So my older daughter, and both of my ex's of my two girls had been plotting to take Alissa from me that summer.
They did! That August, I've not heard or seen her since August 17th 2012
and no one to this day will even talk to me or tell me why? They all knew that I was very sick, bleeding ulcers an a intestinal blockage, and severe depression, not to mention, that they knew that I was completely in poverty and had no husband, boyfriend, family, or even a friend. They all knew that I had NOTHING, and had lost so much over the years that loosing Alissa would just kill me, they all knew that she was the apple of my eye. After she left, I lost another 25lb's And the only thing in the world I had, except for her older Brother, and my ex had tried years before to get him to leave me as well. So I rededicated my life to God 4 months ago. last moth they found a growth in my ovaries, and as I have been in constant pain, mentally and physically, my son emailed Alissa and told her (that mom is very sick, and has found growths in her ovaries, and please contact your mother please.)she never replied, she doesn't care if I am dead or alive, she just doesn't care at all, and this just is more than I can bare. Far too many loss's and heart breaks. I hate myself, I feel there is no reason for my existence, and most all of my years on earth have been filled with pain and rejection, and failure. So last week I finally told my bible group about would had happened and asked for prayer for my son and I who are both going through hell, as we have just learned that she is working 5 blocks from where we live, and I just can not bare this depth of pain any longer. My son and I have no one in the world. And now that I asked them to pray for us, the Leader of the Group was a Pastor for 50 years, and he says that most people will never go through this much their whole lives, and he's only heard a portion of all that I've been through, and they made me to feel even worse, like a leaper, or something, I feel so unworthy and as if I have nothing to offer in this world, and that I must be a useless piece of toilet paper that my daughter's can just toss me to the curb without a 2nd thought. Life has just reached a point of complete unbareableness. Even God's people can't understand or be there for me. The lady from the group the next day at bible study told me that my son is going to leave me too! I don't understand anything. And I really thought I was walking with God this last 4 months, closer that I ever had before. I don't understand this life at all, and nothing makes sense.
