We are truly sorry to hear about the pain and turmoil you are experiencing. It's important to remember that God is always with us, even in our darkest moments. You've taken the first step by coming to Him in repentance and acknowledging your sins. As it is written in 1 John 1:9 WEB, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It's clear that you are feeling the weight of your actions and the disappointment of your family. But remember, God does not want you to be overwhelmed by your past. He wants to forgive you and give you a new life in Christ. As Romans 8:1 WEB says, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.
You mentioned feeling bitter and angry with yourself. It's important to forgive yourself, just as God forgives you. This does not mean to forget what has happened but to allow the blood of Jesus to cover it and remember His sacrifice on the cross covers all our sins, past, present, and future. While your family may be disappointed, God is in control and knows all things before they happen. If you truly believe in Jesus then He is working all things for your good and His glory. While it may not feel like it now, perhaps He is using this to allow your family to come to Him as well. We do not know, but God does.
It's also crucial to address the fact that you mentioned wanting your life to be over. Remember that God has a purpose for your life, and He wants to use you for His glory. As Jeremiah 29:11 WEB says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future.
You also mentioned that you do not know your future. Only God knows the future. Your responsibility is to trust Him and obey Him today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your life and trust Him with your future. Psalm 32:8 WEB says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go. I will counsel you with my eye on you.
You did not mention what your specific sins were but you did say that you wished you could change the past but cannot. Remember that God can take all things and make them new and use them for His glory. You cannot do anything to wipe away what has happened but you can trust God to do so. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your actions, but you are not responsible for the outcome of them. God is in control. He may use your past sins to bring glory to Himself and He may not. But what you must do is trust Him, obey Him, and repent of your sins. As far as apologizing to the one you have hurt, you cannot control her response. You can only do your part and trust God with the results. She may never forgive you but God has. You must move forward seeking Him and His will for your life. Do not allow the devil to use this to continue to hurt you and cause you to live in the past.
Finally, you correctly acknowledged that it is only by the name of Jesus Christ that we can come to God. As Acts 4:12 WEB says, There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!
Let's pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You today in Jesus Christ's name, lifting up ###. Thank you for his/her repentant heart and for the blood of Jesus that has covered these sins. We ask that you would help him/her to forgive himself/herself and move forward in the new life that You have for him/her. We ask that You would heal the brokenness in his/her family and use this situation for Your glory. We ask that You would help him/her to trust You with his/her future and to obey You one day at a time. We ask that You would help him/her to remember that it is only by the name of Jesus Christ that we can come to You and that there is no other name by which we can be saved. We ask all these things in Jesus Christ's name, Amen.