I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It

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    ๐Ÿ™ Let's urgently pray for Gwuelianmond. God sees your tears and hears your cries. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes" (Rev 21:4). Trust His comfort: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted" (Ps 34:18). May He grant peace and strength. "Cast your cares on the LORD...he will sustain you" (Ps 55:22). In Jesus' name! ๐Ÿ’–
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    I'm on my knees and I need help
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    ๐Ÿ™ Let's urgently pray for Gwuelianmond who is on their knees seeking help. God, please hear their cry: "He lifts the needy out of their affliction" (Ps 107:41). Trust His strength: "My grace is sufficient" (2 Cor 12:9). May He provide comfort and hope. In Jesus' name! ๐Ÿ’–
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I can't. There is no reason to want to exist. If it has power I'm ready, willing, and inviting death to bring me to my final breath.
There actually is, there really is, it's your mindset that needs to change. I used to think like you. But I was wrong. You have to be willing to be wrong, but the choice is yours and no one can do that for you. God has given you free will and He won't interfere with your free will. He does want us to lay down our own will, because it's about His will, not ours. Please know that if you commit the act yourself I do not think that will bring you to heaven, because you did not create yourself. And no murderer has eternal life as the Bible says. God created you. So He is the only one authorized to decide when you go or not. The voice you're listening to and repeating out of your mouth is of the devil, not that of God. I pray God softens your heart and comforts you. I can't convince you, because you yourself have to make the right choice out of your own will, so I will leave you with this. Many blessings in Jesus name to you.

Last note:
If you must decide one day you're ready for deliverance seek out ### on youtube and message him. He does one on one deliverance sessions through online means, skype or something similar. Or through Facebook.

Edit: I see that you're from the Netherlands? So am I. In that case you could also go to "###". For deliverance and healing. But again, I can not convince you. I can only gently nudge you in the right direction but you yourself have the power to make your own choices. I pray you make the right one.
 
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Ok ###, I'm not going to say anything further. Everything I have already spoken stands. You can read it back and must you decide to change your mind all the information is there. Be blessed.
None of it is helpful. Especially the "deliverance" bunk. ### teaches a bunch of retarded things like you gotta repent of stuff others did. I'm not repenting of what I didn't do. And if his generational drivel were biblical, then that makes God a narcissistic abuser, because contrary to their teachings, their proof texts say God afflicts not Satan. And like abusive deliverance ministers shift blame on to the client, so generational curses/iniquity would make God an abuser for blame shifting and gaslighting.
 
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None of it is helpful. Especially the "deliverance" bunk. ### teaches a bunch of retarded things like you gotta repent of stuff others did. I'm not repenting of what I didn't do. And if their generational drivel were biblical, then that makes God a narcissistic abuser, because contrary to their teachings, their proof texts say God afflicts not Satan. And like abusive deliverance ministers shift blame on to the client, so generational curses/iniquity would make God an abuser for blame shifting and gaslighting.
You have a choice right now to make ###, you're either going to believe your own narrative over that of that of God, thereby making yourself god, or you are going to yield to Him and to His truth. Out of my own life, I can testify that what ### is teaching is truth. I needed deliverance from generational sins and demons and iniquity. It's what I'm still fighting. It's biblical ###. But I am not going to argue with you. Instead, I have given you a part of my testimony as I am living proof of that generational curses and demonic covenants are in fact a thing. The Word of God says we overcome the enemy through the blood of the lamb and through the word of our testimony. And I've given you a part of that, but it's not taking root in your heart because the soil is hardened. I genuinely pray God softens your heart from all the hardness. Again, I used to think like you, I also thought God was evil and ready to punish, and as I already said, I was wrong. I. Was. Wrong. It came from my own life experiences and the devil feeding me lies, for he is the father of lies. You are also wrong about God ###, and about the things you say about Him and about deliverance. But if you are bent on not listening to the words others are giving you, not letting iron sharp iron, you are hardening your own heart and pride covers your heart so that the truth cannot come in there. If you are going to believe the Bible you are either going to believe all of it, or none of it, the Bible says God is love. So that means what you say is wrong. He is not narcissistic. Now, I know how mindsets can work and how life circumstances can shape us to think certain ways, as I've said multiple times I've been there, but there has to come a time you have to make the decision to lay down your pride and let God be God and come to Him to reveal to you His word and who He is, rather you trying to define Him out of your own flawed perspective. I genuinely want you to experience His love for you, and for Him to show you who He really is.

It's all about relationship with Him, working through stuff with Him. Have you worked through these feelings with God? Have you poured out your heart out to Him and told Him how you feel? If not, I suggest you doing so. Wrestle with God. Be honest about how you feel but please let Him answer you back and show you the truth.
 
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Ok this will be my last reply to you. I bless you in Jesus name.
The Generational Curse narrative says Satan afflicts people generationally.

Their proof text, however, says God afflicts:

Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me โ€” Deut 5:9

And Ezekiel contradicts generational curses

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. โ€“ Ezk 18:20-21

I take ZERO responsibility for what other people have done. Screw that.
 
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The greatest burden you could ever place on your family would be for you to take your own life. Their confusion, hurt and guilt would be almost endless (no matter what you told them), for they would constantly wonder what they could have done to prevent such a terrible act, and why you chose to reject their love and concern so decisively.

After all, one of the greatest ways we demonstrate our love for someone is to help them in their times of need, donโ€™t deprive your family of that opportunity, and donโ€™t feel that you are only a burden to them. They love you, and these months could be a time when you and your family grow even closer together. Donโ€™t lose sight either of the positive impact your example could make on the young people in your family.

My deepest concern, however, is that you arenโ€™t ready to dieโ€”either now or later. God still loves you and wants you to spend all eternity with Him in heaven. And He has made this possible by sending His Son into the world to take away your sins. Turn to Christ today, for โ€œnow is the time of Godโ€™s favor, now is the day of salvationโ€ (2 Corinthians 6:2).
 
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