I want death

[Shabnin]

How did you end up in this dark and hopeless place Shabnin? What happened to you that you lost all hope and drive to live? I perceive your heart has been hardened by a lot of pain, which again, I genuinely understand and sympathize with. But please give God a chance. And I pray the words I wrote earlier will still plant a seed of life in you in Jesus name. May your heart be receptive to the truth and the love of God in Jesus name.

Demons sometimes don't go if we don't stand in authority. I unfortunately know this from experience. I've had years upon years of unending demonic harassment and they did not go either if I rebuked them or tried casting them out. Now they respond though. I didn't take myself seriously back then. So they didn't either. I didn't know who I was in Christ, demons know that, and they then do not always just go.

I pray God will surround you with other Christians who can walk with you in this. Preferably those who know spiritual warfare. Because that's what you need. People who can lift you up and fight with and for you.

Let Him in Shabnin. Let Him soften your heart. Give Him a chance.

It doesn't matter. I want to die. And that is it.

 

[Twigter]

It doesn't matter. I want to die. And that is it.

It actually does matter Shabnin. It matters to God. And I pray He will show you. He is your Creator

 

[Shabnin]

It actually does matter Shabnin. It matters to God. And I pray He will show you. He is your Creator

Pray that I die and return to the dust. I want nothing else.

 

[Anonymous]

Pray today is my last day. This meal is my last meal. I hate every breath I've taken. I hate my conception. I have no drive. If I do it myself, pray I make it to heaven. I want to return to dust. I want my soul to vanish away. I want to fade to nothing. I hate life and will never want it.

Dear Shabnin, prayed for you just now. Please have faith in Lord Jesus. He is a God of life and faith. Our Lord is faithful if we are faithful.Please believe everything will be alright. Love life as life is beautiful. This may be a bad phase of your life which will pass away soon. Just keep the faith alive always. God bless

 

[Twigter]

Pray that I die and return to the dust. I want nothing else.

Your times are in Gods hands, Shabnin, not in ours. I know you want to die and you think that that is the only solution. But sometimes what we really need is death to self. And that is done through surrendering all to Him. The very God who made you. So I pray you will surrender to Him. You have nothing to lose. Those who lose their life for His sake will find it. And it's not talking about physical death, it's talking about death to ourselves in the form of letting go of all control/surrendering. Then He becomes Lord and it's His will over ours. Bless you. A seed must die before it can come back to life. Sometimes we need to let go of our will and let ourselves fall into His hands, where He will catch us. That is what I pray for you in Jesus name.

 

[Shabnin]

Your times are in Gods hands, Shabnin, not in ours. I know you want to die and you think that that is the only solution. But sometimes what we really need is death to self. And that is done through surrendering all to Him. The very God who made you. So I pray you will surrender to Him. You have nothing to lose. Those who lose their life for His sake will find it. And it's not talking about physical death, it's talking about death to ourselves in the form of letting go of all control/surrendering. Then He becomes Lord and it's His will over ours. Bless you. A seed must die before it can come back to life. Sometimes we need to let go of our will and let ourselves fall into His hands, where He will catch us. That is what I pray for you in Jesus name.

I understand the dynamics of everything you just said, and none of this has ever done anything for me. Surrendering does nothing. Dying to self does nothing. Reading the Bible does nothing. Fasting does nothing. There is simply nothing that will change anything. I don't want advice. Death is the only solution.

 

[Shabnin]

phase

It's no phase. It's how I've felt since as far back into childhood as I can remember.

 

[Twigter]

I understand the dynamics of everything you just said, and none of this has ever done anything for me. Surrendering does nothing. Dying to self does nothing. Reading the Bible does nothing. Fasting does nothing. There is simply nothing that will change anything. I don't want advice. Death is the only solution.

The last thing I am going to tell you is of one of the hardest things God has ever said to me when I was at my lowest and was very close to taking my own life nearly continually. And a short part of my story.

I've got a lifetime of horrific trauma. So I've known nothing but suffering from the very moment I was born. This did not stop when I became a christian, rather: it got worse. And this was because of demonic covenants/legal rights in my life. It got so bad I was left alone, christians didn't know what to do with me, many didn't even believe me, I almost never heard or felt God, I only heard and felt demons, who were harassing me, threatening me, sending physical people on assignment to murder me, demons physically attacked me, made me lose my mind into utter despair and confusion because of all my traumas and the false reality they were feeding me on all sides so I lost control of reality, people didn't understand me, christians shunned me and left me to die on the road like the man from the story of the good Samaritan. Ive had many trauma dreams about the way Christians have treated me, upon my already existent trauma's. I thought God hated my guts. That He abandoned me. That He loved everyone but me. And it got worse, and worse, and worse. I cannot even go into all the details because that would be a whole book.

But there was a moment I heard God very clearly. I was in my usual rage moments, raging at God, being so angry at Him. I didn't sleep, was being tortured by satanic agents and demons, if I slept the nightmares and attacks were absolutely unbearable. It was no life. Then I heard Him very clearly and He said: "I want you to change your behavior. I want you to praise Me. You've done this for years and it didn't change anything". And that at first made me very angry. Because I was like, excuse You? Praise You , when I'm nearly a dead woman walking and I'm being forced to be on this earth against my will, suffering 24/7? And yet I forced myself to obey. It made me swallow my pride. And make a very conscious choice to make a sacrifice of praise. Because that's what it is. A sacrifice of praise.

I've learned tons of things in the last couple of years concerning demonic bondage. Many. Wherever the enemy is attacking you there are legal rights. One of those is the way you speak. Your words carry power to bring either life or death. You can open doors with your words to satan or to God. That's why praise is so powerful. It can literally open prison doors. But you need to be willing to lay down pride, and make a choice.

Because I obeyed Him in this, I've been changing. I'm still struggling , and if I told you what I am still going through you wouldn't understand why I'm still standing and talking with you, telling you all this. That is all God. I can finally see that now, even through all the darkness. I should have been long dead because the enemy has tried to kill me many times. And when he couldn't kill me because God didn't allow (though he got very, very close), he tried to make me kill myself.

What you come into agreement with has a lot of power over you. Right now you're in agreement with death and cursing yourself. You thereby have made death your lord. Please consider changing your words and behavior, even though your entire inside doesn't want to. I've been there. I won't bother you much longer with many words but I did think this was a very important last thing to have said. I know you don't want advice but I felt compelled as your sibling in Christ to reflect to you the truth in love as I refuse to close my eyes and ears towards those that are suffering deeply. I do genuinely wish you well and I bless you in Jesus name. God truly loves you.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me. Deliver and cleansed me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ Jesus. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by Encourager Linda Flagg, M.A., Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach.

 

[Shabnin]

The last thing I am going to tell you is of one of the hardest things God has ever said to me when I was at my lowest and was very close to taking my own life nearly continually. And a short part of my story.

I've got a lifetime of horrific trauma. So I've known nothing but suffering from the very moment I was born. This did not stop when I became a christian, rather: it got worse. And this was because of demonic covenants/legal rights in my life. It got so bad I was left alone, christians didn't know what to do with me, many didn't even believe me, I almost never heard or felt God, I only heard and felt demons, who were harassing me, threatening me, sending physical people on assignment to murder me, demons physically attacked me, made me lose my mind into utter despair and confusion because of all my traumas and the false reality they were feeding me on all sides so I lost control of reality, people didn't understand me, christians shunned me and left me to die on the road like the man from the story of the good Samaritan. Ive had many trauma dreams about the way Christians have treated me, upon my already existent trauma's. I thought God hated my guts. That He abandoned me. That He loved everyone but me. And it got worse, and worse, and worse. I cannot even go into all the details because that would be a whole book.

But there was a moment I heard God very clearly. I was in my usual rage moments, raging at God, being so angry at Him. I didn't sleep, was being tortured by satanic agents and demons, if I slept the nightmares and attacks were absolutely unbearable. It was no life. Then I heard Him very clearly and He said: "I want you to change your behavior. I want you to praise Me. You've done this for years and it didn't change anything". And that at first made me very angry. Because I was like, excuse You? Praise You , when I'm nearly a dead woman walking and I'm being forced to be on this earth against my will, suffering 24/7? And yet I forced myself to obey. It made me swallow my pride. And make a very conscious choice to make a sacrifice of praise. Because that's what it is. A sacrifice of praise.

I've learned tons of things in the last couple of years concerning demonic bondage. Many. Wherever the enemy is attacking you there are legal rights. One of those is the way you speak. Your words carry power to bring either life or death. You can open doors with your words to satan or to God. That's why praise is so powerful. It can literally open prison doors. But you need to be willing to lay down pride, and make a choice.

Because I obeyed Him in this, I've been changing. I'm still struggling , and if I told you what I am still going through you wouldn't understand why I'm still standing and talking with you, telling you all this. That is all God. I can finally see that now, even through all the darkness. I should have been long dead because the enemy has tried to kill me many times. And when he couldn't kill me because God didn't allow (though he got very, very close), he tried to make me kill myself.

What you come into agreement with has a lot of power over you. Right now you're in agreement with death and cursing yourself. You thereby have made death your lord. Please consider changing your words and behavior, even though your entire inside doesn't want to. I've been there. I won't bother you much longer with many words but I did think this was a very important last thing to have said. I know you don't want advice but I felt compelled as your sibling in Christ to reflect to you the truth in love as I refuse to close my eyes and ears towards those that are suffering deeply. I do genuinely wish you well and I bless you in Jesus name. God truly loves you.

I can't. There is no reason to want to exist. If it has power I'm ready, willing, and inviting death to bring me to my final breath.