**Prayer Group Updates** 
Let's lift up 
Let's lift up 
**Prayer Group Updates** 
**Let's lift up**:
Swirorg
Disciple of Prayer
I am embarrassed to write this, but it is the truth and I am hurting and need help. I am so lonely it hurts. I am afraid I will always be alone. I had my chance when I was younger with lots of nice guys, specifically the love of my life, but I got on a medication and it really changed my personality and caused me many other problems as well. I didn't feel like myself for the longest time and it eventually ruined my relationship. By then, all the other opportunities were gone, because they were married. I had hit 25 and as a woman it is very hard to meet a man at 25 that isn't taken, and I continued to be on the drug for much longer before finally getting off of it. The point is that it is so hard not to regret and to dwell and hurt from what all happened in my past. It is not completely my fault, but it is my fault as well. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I have also had an organ transplant and I know how lucky and fortunate I am. I feel like I should live my life to the fullest, but the things I want in life I don't have and am afraid I will never have even some of them. At 43 now, it is ten times harder than it was back them to find someone. It hurts when friends tell me that maybe I don't need to be married. They don't understand what it is like to be lonely and want to be close to someone. At this point, all I can hope for is a husband that will treat me well. It is too late for kids for me and that is painful, but if God could at least bring a good man into my life that will be good to me, that I can get along with. All the good guys are taken, understandably. There are less men than women in the world. Around 3 million less. So it is always harder for women than men. Also - men can get younger women so it is even harder for older women. I know I should care more about other people and not myself but it is like the natural instinct to want to Iove someone and be loved back is so strong. I feel like my life has passed me by and I hate it. I want to live my life. Not watch it pass me by. I am tired a lot, so I don't know that any man would want to be with someone like me, because all the drugs I take make me feel very tired. It looks like I am lazy. Plus, I am depressed because of my situation and also because I take Prednisone which has caused me mood swings, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. I am taking medication to try to counteract that and I feel less angry and moody, but the depression and a little anxiety are still there. I am so worried that when I try to go back to work I might not be able to handle the hours and get up on time. I want to decrease the antidepressants that I take, because I know if I could then I would be less tired and could get more done and get out more and meet people, etc. But I don't want to be more depressed than I already am or go back to feeling the mood swings and anger from the Prednisone. I feel selfish for asking, but I don't know what else to do. I mean, I look so pathetic and like such a lonely old spinster who once was liked and had a lot of potential and that is hard knowing that, but what is worse is the loneliness and the sadness and the feeling of hopelessness. Jesus, please help me be a better person and live my life the right way. I don't want to be alone anymore. I am so sad and feel hopeless and envious of others. I am so regretful and feel upset I didn't have kids and now it is too late. I know Paul had an infirmity of some sort that He was meant to bear. Is this mine? Please help me to be happier and to appreciate all that I have. Please give me energy to workout so I can get endorphins and feel better. Please, give me direction and purpose and meaning. Give me the knowledge of what I should do. Forgive me for envying everyone and especially families and their kids and their relationships. My heart hurts. Please help me to not be a burden on my family. Please take away my resentments and anger towards people and the things that have happened in my life. Please help me take better care of myself. Please give me the motivation, the endurance and the strength to hold down a job. Forgive me for all of my sins, I know they are many. Please let me be nice to people and not bother them. Give me a chance at a happier life. I am also worried, because the men that are left - many have problems like me. It doesn't make them bad people, but it does make it harder. I finally lowered my standards so much and dated a guy a couple of years ago, but he was verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. I never thought I would end up with someone like that. We finally ended it a year ago today, actually. God, I need you. Please give me the desire and energy to get up and go to church. Please keep things from bringing me down and making me feel worse about myself. Thank you so much, Jesus, Lord, God. I need you and I know that you are the only one that can help me. I wish I could change the past and I had never gotten on that medication, but I can't. Please help me turn it around Lord. Thank you so much for my kidney. Please help me to do better so my sister will feel she didn't make a mistake donating it for me. Bless my sister for her selfless gift. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. If any of you out there could say a prayer for me I would truly appreciate it. If not, I understand. I know that God is the one who will answer or not answer our prayers. I sometimes wonder if it is wrong to ask for things I want. Or if it is right. Just thank you for praying with me.
