Walking away

Today I gave up. Today I forfeited my faith. All my life I have heard the promises. I have read all the verses, heard all the sermons, and believed all the lines. "You are being fought so hard because something greater is coming. God is bringing your miracle. Things work out for your good. Joy comes in the morning. Hold on, help is on the way." What I know, is that all the things I have believed never came through. All the struggles I faced never brought me to the promised land. All the hope I was instructed to keep, never developed into all the goodness that was to follow. People have hated me for my Christian beliefs and morals. Those same guidelines isolate me from every one else. Being "set apart" brought me more loneliness and disappointment than I can bear. Watching people with no connection to God, live wreckless lives and be happy, while I follow the Bible instructions and drown in sorrow, has finally broken me completely. It is not right. I can not see the value in all my suffering for nothing. If I had not had faith, I would at least be on another path. I pray, fast, read, and listen to worship music. I listen to annointed preachers and soak in the word. All I hear are more unfulfilled promises, and isolated reports of a few chosen who God blessed. I can not bear the heartache of being overlooked again. The rejection, the silence, the lack of intervention is incomprehensible. If I saw my child struggling, I as a human would intervene. How can the God of the whole universe continue to ignore me? I requested prayer from ten mainstream ministries. I have even sewed seeds, and waited. It has to all be a huge mistake on my part. I have no idea how to live any way but as a believer, but today I wish I had never known. If I had never hoped, the disappointment would not have broken me. I was committed my whole life to a lie. I have prayed to the God who sees and hears, yet it was as if I served an idol my entire life. What if we are all wrong? Nothing matters. Nothing at all. Eveil triumphs as much as good. There is no balance and no reward for doing what is right. So today, I give. I stop. No more prayers falling back to earth like unread mail. No more rejection.
I pray that GOD heals the pain you are in. I know what its like to be treated unfairly and unjust. Trust me the time will come when things will change for the better. Do not let the devil take over your thoughts. Change your thoughts and your out look on life. I know it is easier said that done, but you need to surround yourself with people that are truly sincere and change your outlook on life. I pray for you in Jesus Name. Amen.
 
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