Hello Lodseth, we're here for you! Remember, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Heb 13:5). Don't give up, keep trusting. We're praying for you in Jesus' name! 
Vin the Saint
Humble Prayer Partner
Good evening Brother,
Thank you for sharing you current situation. Gods will for our lives is that we are healed.
Psalm 103:2-3 NKJV
Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not all His benefits; Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases.
All of Gods Promises are found in His Word .We need to mediate on Hiss Scriptures.
( let me know if you need help with how to mediate on His word.
People sometimes ask why a Christian with a strong knowledge of the Scriptures concerning healing could die prematurely of sickness. Some suggest it may be God's plan, or the mystery of God?
In this teaching I want to dispel the idea that it is God's plan, or will, that any Christian dies prematurely of disease; also that there is no 'mystery' concerning God's attitude towards disease. To do this we must first establish what God's will is. First and foremost we understand God's will from His Word in the Holy Bible. The Bible declares that every Word of Scripture is breathed and inspired by God (2 Timothy 3:16). If we take the attitude that some parts of the Bible are from God and other parts are not, we end up manipulating the Bible to suit our human thought or experience. To understand God's will we should rightly divide the Words in the Bible through the leading of the Holy Spirit, gifting, study, skill, integrity, impartiality and comparison with other Scripture.
In this teaching we accept that the Bible is God's Word, and therefore God's expressed written will. The following Scriptures explicitly reveal God's will concerning healing. If a devout Christian's experience is different from God's written will it simply means that they did not receive God's will. It does not mean that God's written will has changed.
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High… with long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation
Psalm 91:1, 16 Himself (Jesus) took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses
Matthew 8:17
Matthew 8:17
Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us
Galatians 3:13
The curse of the law includes the following curses (which Jesus has redeemed, or delivered, the Christian from):
Great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sickness, and of long continuance… all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law
Deuteronomy 28:59-61
By whose stripes ye were healed
1 Peter 2:24
Forget not all His (the Lord's) benefits… who healeth all thy diseases
Psalm 103:2-3
The six Scripture passages above make it absolutely clear that God's written, revealed will is healing and long life for all believers in Christ. In fact, Jesus was cursed with all diseases that Christians could be free from disease. As the Bible is true, we conclude it cannot be God's will that Christians die prematurely from disease! Why then do some Christians die from disease before experiencing a long life?
To answer this question we must acknowledge the reality that not everything that happens in this life is God's will. God gives us commandments and instructions with the hope that we will choose to heed His wisdom. However, we can choose not to. God created humans with a free will, and therefore humans have the power and freedom to create their own realities. Adam and Eve were given the freedom to disobey God's will, and they did just that (Genesis 2:16-17, 3:6). Life is not fatalistic - 'what will be, will be.' No, we determine our life by exercising our free will and God allows our choices. It was not God's will that Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil - but it happened. It is not God's will that anybody goes to hell (2 Peter 3:9) - but many do! God gives people the freedom to reject faith in the blood of His Son - Jesus Christ (Romans 3:25), and many do reject this faith. The consequence of rejection of faith in the blood of Jesus Christ will be eternal separation from Jesus, with the result being, time in hell - with eternal finality in the lake of fire (2 Thessalonians 1:8-9, Revelation 20:14). This is also not God's declared will, as God's will is that all be saved (1st Timothy 2:4).
The 'Parable of the Sower' greatly assists us in understanding why people do, or do not, receive God's will (Mark 4:1-29). The answer lies in the willingness and ability of the human heart to receive and grow God's Word, which is seed - unto fruitfulness. In other words, if an individual can successfully plant and grow God's seed in their heart they will receive the fruit, or promise, of that seed / Word. If an individual is unsuccessful in planting and growing the seed of God's Word in their heart they will not receive the promises, or fruit, of God's Word.
Some dearly beloved Christians are unsuccessful in planting and growing the biblical seeds of healing in their hearts to the degree necessary to overcome certain health challenges they may face. They may make great and brave efforts only to unfortunately not win the fight against disease. The error or problem, however, does not lie with God, or God's seed, but with us. We are the ones who have a fallen nature in our soul and flesh realms (a Christian's spirit has been made righteous and holy and is no longer fallen - Ephesians 4:24).
There are many wonderful Christian people who are inspirations and examples for us in many areas of their Christian lives. They keep their faith in Jesus Christ until the end but may however be unsuccessful in growing God's healing seeds in their heart - and they may die prematurely from disease. This is also not God's will. The consolation, however, is that theses dearly beloved brethren are now with Jesus in heaven, free from all pain, sickness and disease. Jesus has given them the ultimate victory of eternal life, even though they lost the battle against disease here on earth.
Conclusion: God's Word is blatantly clear that supernatural, divine healing is our right as Christians. Apart from specialized preordained cases of martyrdom, it is always God's will that a Christian lives a long and healthy life. If, however, we wish to partake of the fruitful provision of God's healing, it is our responsibility to grow the healing seeds of God's Word in our heart. Sometimes good Christian people are unsuccessful in growing God's healing seeds in their heart and subsequently die from disease. This is not God's will, but rather a consequence of their weakness and inability to successfully receive God's healing redemption in their hearts.
Pray with me, "Father I thank you that you sent Jesus to bear all my sickness and disease. Thank you that Jesus was cursed with all diseases that I might be blessed with good health and long life. Please strengthen my resolve to resist sickness and disease by receiving and growing your healing Scriptures in my heart through daily continual meditation. I choose to successfully plant and grow your healing seeds so I can experience your fruit of health and long life. I pray this in Jesus Christ name, amen."
Love Brother Karl
Bless you big.
