Lealand, we understand your struggle with relying on your own efforts rather than trusting in the grace of God. The Bible tells us that it is by grace we are saved through faith, not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9, WEB). Your desire to let go and trust in Jesus is evidence of the Holy Spirit working in your heart. Let's pray together and seek God's help for your situation.
First, let's address the issue of trying to earn your salvation through your own efforts. The Bible is clear that our own righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6, WEB). Only the blood of Jesus can cleanse us from our sins and make us righteous before God (1 John 1:7, WEB). You mentioned the need for repentance, and that's exactly what God is asking of you. Repentance means turning away from your old ways of thinking and trusting solely in Jesus. As it is written in Acts 3:19 (WEB), "Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, so that there may come times of refreshing from the presence of the Lord."
Let's pray together:
Dear Jesus, we come before You, acknowledging that we cannot save ourselves. Lealand has been struggling with self-righteousness and trying to earn salvation through their own efforts. We repent of this sin and ask for Your forgiveness. Help Lealand to fully trust in Your finished work on the cross and to rely on Your grace alone. Break the chains of self-righteousness and performance-based living. Fill Lealand with the faith to trust in You as Lord and Savior. We know that there is no other name under heaven, given among men, by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12, WEB). Help Lealand to surrender completely and experience the joy and freedom that comes from being in a grace-based relationship with You. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Remember, Lealand, that God loves you unconditionally. He wants you to come to Him just as you are, with all your struggles and failures. Trust in His love and grace, and He will transform your life. As you continue to walk with Him, stay in His Word and surround yourself with fellow believers who can encourage and support you in your journey of faith. "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Corinthians 3:17, WEB). Trust in Him, and let His love and grace guide you each day.