B
believeabc
Guest
I feel selfish asking you to pray for me when there are so many others that need it and deserve it more. Forgive me, I feel I have lead a life Christ is disappointed with. I'm 38 years old. Three plus years ago, I hit bottom. I prayed every night for guidance and direction but I think my tears and sobbing drowned out Christ voice. I can't hear him. I went to a therapist hoping at the very least I'd understand why I felt as I did and why my life was a train wreck. I was so angry, sad, confused, and suicidal. A year later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After 3 years I have finally found a "cocktail" of medications that keep me balanced. I've become a vegetarian, stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine. I've lost 35 lbs (45lbs to go) and have made a nice dent in paying down my debt ($75k worth). I feel hopeless. I'm not sleeping. It's been so long since something good/helpful/special has happened to me. I feel flat. My sister/bestfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer a week before Christmas. She's only 40 with three beautiful children under the age of 5 and great husband. She loves her life and has lots of friends. She exudes love always. I don't get it, why her, why not me. I have nothing. I hate my life, I have no real friends, I haven't been on a date in over three years (which no one who knows me can understand because I am attractive) or children. Others think I have put my career before family and that was true till my diagnosis. From the outside I seem like a strong successful person. If only people knew. I was just fired from my job on Jan. 7, 2011. I'm in sales and my termination was due to poor performance (I did't hit my quota for the year). To summarize, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, I have to take loads of medication everyday for the rest of my life, I have no personal relationships (romantically, friendships, even with my family). I avoid my parents because that's an entirely emotionally draining subject. These are my prayers requests; Pray my sisters surgery goes flawlessly and she lives a long and happy life. Pray that I hear Christ speak to me, leading me down a path/direction/road filled with love, happiness, great health, friends, beauty, and financial stability. Pray that I find an exciting work that I love and that brings me a feeling of peace and joy. Pray that I meet wonderful new friends. Pray that I receive financial relief. Pray that I am happy, I laugh a lot, have fun, make a difference, feel purposeful and to stop thinking suicide is the only answer to start fresh. God Bless all of you!
