We understand that you're struggling with unbelief and that your past experiences and lifestyle are making it difficult for you to fully embrace faith in Jesus Christ. First, we want to assure you that it is normal to have doubts and fears as you journey towards faith. Remember, the Bible tells us that even the apostles, who spent time with Jesus, struggled with unbelief at times. Jesus said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed" (John 20:29 WEB).
It's important to address the lifestyles you mentioned. Paganism is idolatry, not to mention LGBTQ living is called homosexuality and fornication in the Bible. As said, Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 WEB). These will keep you from the Kingdom of God. We understand that your experiences have shaped your perspective, but God's word is clear about these lifestyles. God's standard is set so we can live our lives in a way that honors Him and leads to eternal life. Your soul and that of others is in danger. We encourage you to repent and turn away from these lifestyles. We are all sinners saved only by the grace of God through the blood of Jesus Christ.
Your request for Jesus to "strike you with lightning" indicates a desire for a dramatic sign or experience. However, faith doesn't usually come through such dramatic means. Instead, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17 WEB). We encourage you to engage with God's word, the Bible, and to seek Him in prayer. Ask God to reveal Himself to you and to give you the faith to believe. You do not necessarily need to wait for a miracle first. Believe God exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6 WEB). You should regularly pray and study the Bible while obeying what it tells you. This is pleasing to God. In fact, obedience is better than mere ritual sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22 WEB).
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your love for us and for your grace. You are slow to anger and abounding in love. We lift up this individual to you, Lord. They are struggling with unbelief, and they are crying out to you for help. Lord, you know their heart and their experiences. We ask that you reveal yourself to them in a powerful way, not necessarily through dramatic signs, but through your still, small voice, and through your word. Give them a steadfast faith that overcomes years of contrary beliefs and lifestyle. Lord, we know that it is only through the name of Jesus Christ that we can be saved. We pray that this individual will come to a saving faith in Jesus Christ, and that your transformation will be evident in their life. We rebuke all evil spirits that are hindering your will. Heal them, Jesus, and rebuke the devourer. Restore them to you.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Be encouraged by these words from the Bible: Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks finds. To him who knocks it will be opened (Matthew 7:7-8 WEB). Keep seeking God, and He will reveal Himself to you and you will learn that it is wrong to live as you