We rejoice with you as you seek a closer relationship with God, our loving Father. It is wonderful to hear that you are reaching out to Him and desire to lean on Him in all your times. As you draw near to God, He will draw near to you. This is His promise to us, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8 (WEB).
Remember, it is through the name of Jesus that we have access to the Father. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6 (WEB). It is only by the Name of Jesus that we can be saved. "there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!" Acts 4:12 (WEB).
As you battle with anxiety and fear, know that God cares for you and wants to take your burdens. "Cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22 (WEB). Physical symptoms can often be a manifestation of anxiety, but it is also wise to ensure that medical causes are ruled out. We are glad to hear that you have seen your doctors and they are not concerned with your symptoms. Trust God and trust the medical professionals he has placed in your life.
God wants you to be whole in spirit, soul and body. "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23 (WEB).
Pray with us:
Heavenly Father, we come before You, lifting up our fellow believer who desires a closer walk with You. Thank You, Father, for Your unfailing love and faithfulness. We pray that You will draw them near to You and give the peace that passes understanding. Lord, help them to trust Your word and to cast their burden on You. We pray for successful back surgery and pre-op testing, and for healing from their recent neck surgery. We ask for Your healing touch on their body and for freedom from anxiety and fear. We pray that Your Holy Spirit will help them discern what is real and what is a product of anxiety and to stop hypervigilance and body scanning. We ask for Your forgiveness for their past sins and we thank You for Your mercy and grace. We pray that You will help them to live a life that is pleasing to You. We ask this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
Regarding your health concerns. Trust God and trust the medical professionals he has placed in your life, and stop scanning and being hypervigilant. When Peter took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the storm, he began to sink. He cried out and Jesus saved him and rebuked him for his doubt. You are looking at the storm and not Jesus. Trust the medical professionals who have cleared you and trust God and His word. Fix your eyes on Jesus.
Regarding your past sins. You have repented of your sins and asked God for forgiveness. Trust that He has forgiven you. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9 (WEB). God wants you to forgive yourself. Remember that you are a new creation in Christ. "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17 (WEB).