Pray for my marriage. I think my husband hates me.

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[Patricia Ann]

I’m almost 9 months pregnant. I’m tired, im still working full time, I will work until I go into labor. I’m going to lose my job at the birth. We need my income, but we don’t get to keep it. I don’t have a car seat or a stroller, I have about 5 pairs of clothes for my baby for each age she will be, I don’t have a basinet, a crib, no furniture for her. My family sent me some diapers, a carrier and a pack and play that she will sleep in. I have a few toys for her. I have no postpartum supplies, no nursing bras, and I’ve bought almost no maternity clothes because we just can’t afford it. Nothing fits me anymore, I have barely any clothes that fit. To say I’m am stressed out is an understatement. My husband spends money like he’s rich. He just spent almost a thousand dollars on something we couldn’t afford. He bought it on credit. This is after he bought a new expensive luxury car on credit as well. My car is old and paid off. We have zero savings. He seems to not care at all that we have a baby coming he has no interest in what we have for her or don’t have, what the hospitals bills will be or how we’ll pay out bills. He spent the last 6 months sneaking marijuana and nicotine vapes, spending even 2k one month on random things, vapes, and marijuana. We’re supposed to move soon to another state, he is supposed to get a new job. I’m going to struggle to find a doctor that late, but it is what it is. I’m stressed about that too, I might just have to show up to a random hospital in labor. Aside from all this, the most stressful aspect is his obsession with some very particular religious beliefs. I’m Christian. He is Christian. But he spends the majority of his free time (95%) aggressively arguing with random people online about who the Israelites are, about how eve had sex with the serpent and Cain is not her son but is the literal son of the serpent and the father of all Jewish people. When he’s not arguing about it, he’s watching YouTube videos on it. When he comes home from work, he argues online while I cook dinner, then puts on YouTube videos on it while we eat dinner. Then goes back to arguing online after dinner. He says that there is guilt and shame in heaven, and since all Israelites are saved, all Israelites (white people) automatically go to heaven even if they’re atheist, they just will have to live forever in guilt and shame under all the believers who will know what they did and that they weren’t Christians on earth. He includes things like Bigfoot and mothman and cryptids live inside hollow earth that will come out at the end times and fight against the Israelites in the final war. That God hates esau so he hates all or most of his offspring. That demons are dead giants, the offspring of fallen angels who had sex with human women. There’s more. You get the idea. Then if he is challenged, he turns to me to argue with me about it. He states all of this as 100% fact, and when i try to ask questions, or say I don’t necessarily agree with something, he gets extremely defensive and aggressive, demanding I provide verses and their “original interpretations” and I “take it up with God” and “you don’t like Gods words that’s not my problem. It’s God you have a problem with” and that “I don’t love the truth”, or that I don’t respect him as the leader of our home, and he is just trying to steer his family into “the truth”, says he’s going to teach our children “the truth” (whatever he wants)regardless of what I want (I’ve never commented on what we will teach our children) and that I have an evil spirit in me that causes me to “disagree with him” (not believe what he believes), that he’s going to fellowship and teach other people who believe him and “want to learn” instead, and we’re just going to have a sad lukewarm marriage and that’s that and I have to just trust him to “lead me to the truth”. It turns into a MASSIVE fight, like huge, where the idea of divorce is thrown out and how “he can’t do this anymore”. He won’t stop with this. He does it all day, all night, he does it in comment sections and he gets AGGRESSIVE in those comment sections. He has no focus or interest in our family, in work, in providing, in getting ready for the baby. Only and just this singular topic and forcing me to agree with him. He said he prayed for me and God told him that there’s nothing he can do about me. He says I cause him severe stress and it’s ridiculous he can’t even fellowship with his own wife. He treats me like he treats the people online who disagree with him. I feel like crap most of the day. My bones hurt. My hips hurt. My body doesn’t feel great. Im exhausted, starving, uncomfortable, clothes don’t fit. This topic and hobby of his is just not a priority in my life. I’ve begged Jesus for help with this. I don’t know what else to do here. It’s causing severe SEVERE discord in our marriage to the point that I am constantly in tears and sleeping by myself and spending my days off and weekends alone in bed. I’m already stressed out with our financial situation and being this pregnant, I don’t like to be alone all the time. I’m sad and I feel he is probably going to eventually divorce me over this. Maybe I should just nod and agree with whatever he says no matter what just to keep the peace. It’s just difficult to be forced to agree to some of these things that come across as so hateful. I don’t care if he wants to believe this stuff, I just don’t want to be forced to verbally discuss it for hours and hours and provide rationales and argue with people over it or and discuss how dumb other Christian’s are for not seeing it. He will go on 1-2 hour long nonstop monologues about this stuff while I’m in the middle of something else and then get mad when i ask a question or disagree with it or don’t want to discuss it anymore. He used to go on 3-4 hour monologues so at least he cut it down a little bit. Aside from it all, I’m very pregnant, working full time and taking classes full time, doing all the laundry, cooking and cleaning, budgeting, paying bills, trying to plan how we’re going to survive, meal prepping..I’m tired and don’t really care who believes what right now. My focus is Jesus and doing what he did and what he asked, getting through this pregnancy, finding a way to support my family because I’m not sure I can depend on my husband for that anymore. Not finding out THE TRUTH about who eve had sex with or guessing who the Antichrist is. I’m too tired and busy for that. Christianity used to bring me massive peace and happiness. I would read Jesus’s words nightly and feel safe and happy. Now it’s getting such a negative association in my head due to this, it’s really affecting me badly, and yet he comes and tells me that it’s my behavior that is affecting him badly and causing his behavior. I don’t even want to bring up God anymore because it turns into this. I’m worried I will go into labor during one of these episodes that I won’t be able to ask him to come to the hospital and I’ll have to have my baby alone. I don’t know what to do or where to go with this. The stress is so bad I can’t even focus on what I need to get done and being pregnant makes it even harder to focus and get things done. I can’t take it anymore. Please pray for me or him or whoever needs it. And if you have any advice…I have literally nobody to talk to. Not even family. Nobody. Just him. Help me. I’m literally alone in bed right now and he’s ignoring me. This is the second day in a row I’m spending alone, yesterday it was because I said we couldn’t afford to spend money on something we didn’t need. He sulked and moped and acted short and mean until gave up and agreed he could buy it so that I didn’t have my weekend ruined. We bought it and It was fine for a few hours but then he went right back to his hobby and started up with some random Christian argument again while i was cooking him dinner and it’s lasted until today so I’m back in bed, alone, on my weekend. I am miserable.

Praying for y’all in Jesus name Amen