Rapfarmenos
Disciple of Prayer
My adult children kicked me out of their lives then, went out of their way to publicly post social pics of them celebrating without me. (I'm blocked from their social media) but they post holidays to let me know how I am not wanted. I spend many holidays alone. I am a Christian and one of my children is a pastor. He refuses to speak with me and will not tell me why he will not speak to me. What did I do that is worthy of being banned? Is it because I became very upset because I was being ignored by them? Yes, I did get very upset and yelled. They became afraid because I smelled mj on my daughter-in-law's brother so they didn't want to chance I would call cps. I believe that had something to do with it. I know secrets they do not want out. I let things build up till I explode. I flip out and yell. I don't beat anyone. I just yell at the top of my lungs because I'm so frustrated with it all. I'm sorry I'm human and I can only take so much. There are other problems too but we are all supposed to be Bible-believing Christians and forgive one another, right? Not my children. They have deemed me unworthy of their love and I am kicked to the curb, chastised, and forgotten. Except for two of my children of my six. The other four say they don't want me in their life and God is directing them to keep me out of their lives.
As a result, the hurt became even deeper hurt. I became mad and said some really bad things because I'm tired of being blamed for everything. I am never forgiven for anything and I must bear the consequences of my sins with their judgment of me being cast out of the family for the rest of my life. One of my daughters even said to me, "Jesus himself will throw me into the lake of fire." I was like, wow...that is incredibly sad my child hates me that much. I'm like I understand to a certain point their hurt about me but to want to watch their mom be tossed into hell, she wants to see that??? I've done my share of sins but I have also fiercely loved my children and God knows this too. My children have no idea what I have gone through for them and with tears while in dire and desperate prayer. Who was praying for them? Me, their mom whose heart is literally being torn apart except for the grace of God sustains me. God said He wouldn't put us through more than what we could take. My pastor son is prophesying death over people and I suppose over me too. I feel like the devil has cast a division hold over my family and my family refuses to be at peace with their mom or to include me in their life. It's horrible to have this happen and there seems no resolve to bringing all my children back to me because I do love them but I am so hurt by what they have done in rejecting me I feel it is better to completely forget them than to know and realize they want nothing to do with me. It is a judgment my children are causing me to bear and there is no freedom from their rejection and the hurt, I fight broken heart syndrome. It feels like it anyway. I guess if I die I won't hurt anymore but I never dreamed one while raising my six babies one day they would turn on me and completely cast me out of their lives.
As a result, the hurt became even deeper hurt. I became mad and said some really bad things because I'm tired of being blamed for everything. I am never forgiven for anything and I must bear the consequences of my sins with their judgment of me being cast out of the family for the rest of my life. One of my daughters even said to me, "Jesus himself will throw me into the lake of fire." I was like, wow...that is incredibly sad my child hates me that much. I'm like I understand to a certain point their hurt about me but to want to watch their mom be tossed into hell, she wants to see that??? I've done my share of sins but I have also fiercely loved my children and God knows this too. My children have no idea what I have gone through for them and with tears while in dire and desperate prayer. Who was praying for them? Me, their mom whose heart is literally being torn apart except for the grace of God sustains me. God said He wouldn't put us through more than what we could take. My pastor son is prophesying death over people and I suppose over me too. I feel like the devil has cast a division hold over my family and my family refuses to be at peace with their mom or to include me in their life. It's horrible to have this happen and there seems no resolve to bringing all my children back to me because I do love them but I am so hurt by what they have done in rejecting me I feel it is better to completely forget them than to know and realize they want nothing to do with me. It is a judgment my children are causing me to bear and there is no freedom from their rejection and the hurt, I fight broken heart syndrome. It feels like it anyway. I guess if I die I won't hurt anymore but I never dreamed one while raising my six babies one day they would turn on me and completely cast me out of their lives.
