Anonymous
Beloved of All
I’m afraid there is no such thing as happiness in my household. I used to rush to come home now I hate coming home. I’m happy until I enter my front door, everything is so depressed. There is no happiness in my home there is a dark cloud in my home because of my mother-in-law and her lies to my husband dividing us. I’m afraid all the belittling and the emotional abuse and physical abuse my husband gives me and calling me fat that I am up everything in the house. I’m lazy, fat, and stupid. All of that turned my heart empty and numb. I lost the sense of feeling in my heart. All that love I had for my husband is gone from my heart. I am serious, I guess with all the name-calling, that I am stupid, fat, lazy. I don’t make any money; every time I’m working, my husband feels he is the only one paying the bills. I don’t do anything; I am good for nothing. He only has sex with me as if I’m trash and rolls over. My husband isn’t romantic or passionate anymore; he said I drive him crazy. But in reality, I think it’s his mom telling him to control me the way she wants, and it’s frustrating my husband because he is in the middle. I am a strong-willed person. My husband knows I don’t put up with liars and I don’t pretend to be someone’s friend. I am loyal and I speak my mind when I know something is wrong, but now I shut down. I think that’s the part my husband is frustrated about because our entire relationship I was never quiet but now I am in complete silence. I am afraid to speak my mind or talk to my husband because anything I say pisses him off, especially if it mentions his mom. It’s sad because I thought, oh, we will have a good relationship since I don’t have a mom; my mom passed away. I mean, I used to have a good relationship with my mother-in-law until I started to see her true colors, and I just shut down. I don’t tell her my business or anything anymore. When she asks me a question, I just answer; that’s it; I don’t carry out a conversation like I used to. So my mother-in-law would tell my husband I don’t like her just because I don’t tell her anything about my day. I refuse because my husband will come back and yell and scream at me so my entire neighborhood hears. I don’t even know what kind of conversation I need to have with her or my husband; everything I do now causes problems. So I just shut down and just go to work, come home, and watch Netflix. It’s sad; I am afraid to clean or do anything when my husband is home because he will come and try to tell me how to do it. And all I wanted is to be left alone and clean; I can’t even do that without being bothered. I can’t have people come to the house for picking up things that need to be moved; my husband has to be home. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I’m afraid to go anywhere because I can feel the tension when I get back from the gym. I’m afraid the minute I get close to my house; I take my time driving home. I used to be open to my husband; I don’t know, but I just shut down. I find myself crying and telling myself it’s all my fault; I just don’t know anymore. I’m embarrassed to ask my friends to borrow money. The last time I borrowed money from a friend when my husband and I were audited by the IRS, I was told I was cheating, but I have really good friends who we paid back in full. That helped us make it through the storm, but my husband doesn’t care; he acts as if he is so rich that he is better than anyone. But I’m happy he makes good money, and I don’t want to take that away from him; good for him. All you want is to have peace at home and happiness at home and peace and love in my heart; I could care less about all these materialized things as long as I am happy and someone pays it forward to my husband and kids, I’m okay. And to be blessed at knowing and understanding my job well and the wisdom and knowledge to do my job really good and be good to people; that’s all I want. Thank you.
