I an just try to understand your feelings at this moment. But I encourage you to empty all your fears and anxiety on your father in the heavens he knows your plight and trust that he's working for you. Psalms 37:25 says A young man I use to be and now I am old yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor his children begging bread. So have faith that your heavenly father will not allow you to totter and fall and beg bread we all have difficult times in life I am going through mine as we speak but pray and trust in God and all will be well. he will show you mercy and loving kindness. In the name of his son Jesus Christ. Amen