It's been several months since I've been here, I can't

[belladona]

Some days, I look at my precious Grandson and think and believe that he's been healed and then everything changes, and I get so angry at myself for my lack of patience....then the devil steps in and tells me that it will never happen  and I fall apart, which is exactly what he wants me to do.  Still I pray and claim healing in the name of Jesus.  I'm 70 years old and more than anything, before I leave this world I want/need for him to be what he should be and for God to just touch him and give him a chance.  He didn't do anything to deserve this and sometimes other kids can be so cruel, and it's all I can do to maintain my sanity as I want to protect him from all things...I'm really not crazy, even though I sound like I must be.  I'm just tired and want so much for this child to have a normal life and I know that God sometimes says "no", but I can't believe he has this time.  The struggle to adopt him was so tremendous, and God didn't pick us to be his family, just to let us struggle, I know better than that...and I need help.