In a VERY dark place

[Koheluber]

Oh my family in Christ please forgive me for burdening you again. I truly am grateful for your love, counsel, encouragement and prayers. I am such a dark place today as my health, both physical and mental,has really deteriorated and I hate to confess I am scared and don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I went through eight weeks of hell in hospital (am now getting awful flashbacks)and had to fight so hard but did it because I believed it must be God's way of healing. However,not long after I got home I contracted shingles which made me so unwell. I wish I could explain the mental "torture" but it is impossible and I am finding this even harder to live with than the awful physical pain. It is there 24/7 and so I get very little sleep which makes me even more exhausted. I also hate how this is affecting my sister Margaret who cares for me. She is so kind and doesn't make me feel bad about disturbing her sleep etc but I feel so guilty and feel she would have a much better life if I wasn't here. I don't know what else I can do as have taken all the treatment including anti depressants and nothing is working. I continually plead with God through Jesus and claim many of His promises including "I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly" and "If the Son shall set you free then you will be free indeed". Oh how I need to free from all this and for my chains to fall off! I needed my Abba Father to be mercury and make life worth living. I don't want to end my life just the suffering but I pray it will be in a good way so God can get all the glory. I

I too have suffered intense mental pain much of my life. I am sending you prayers of healing and relief from your pain. I wish I could take your pain away. It is hard to read the dark place you are in. Here is one of my favorite poems, I hope it helps. "Hope - like the glimmering taper's light, adorns and cheers our way and still as darker grows the night, emits a brighter ray." Sending prayers and hugs!!!

 

[hostadmin]

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