In a couple days it's my B'day but I just want to d.i.e :-/

[hostadmin]

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[Rauroch]

Don't have a job yet. Barely earning enough to somehow pay my debts partially.
I help everyone out and yet I can't but stare at my messed up shattered self that needs more love and empathy.
Unfortunately I have some unrealistic expectations and that makes me all the more sad I guess.
I am not suicidal. I won't do anything drastic or remotely irrational.
But
I am drowning in depression.
It's a perpetual longing but it aggravates especially during my Birthdays
that I just wish somehow I passed on to the great beyond.
I am a rational person. I am hyper creative. I have some affiliation with projects that adds purpose and meaning in the lives of marginalized folks.
Despite a loving caring family, siblings, friends and better life than most underprivileged,
I am lonely
and I wish I was no more
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I only pray when I am this depressed and that makes me feel guilty of seeing/seeking G-d only as a therapist of sorts.
I feel disgusted at my very being.
I keep posting anon prayer requests here cuz I keep drowning back into depression.
I cannot afford a therapist though.

Please pray that at the very least I be happy on my Birthday.
I don't want anyone else in my life to be sad cuz of me.

I pray for happiness on your birthday. May Jesus always be with you. You are not alone with your problem. I have been lonely since my mother died. You can overcome it through praying. He will be the best companion you will ever have. I pray that your loneliness end. God bless you!