Broseth
Disciple of Prayer
I truly needed prayer. I had been sober for years and moved to be closer to family leaving all of my life behind. Friends and grandkids and 2 children of mine that are always around me. Who have witnessed my transformation forgiving me for my past. My other children were not so welcoming to the change in me. They still resented me . I moved in the same building so that we could build a rbetter relationship but that was not the case I spent a year and a half of loneliness at times when spending times with my kids they would say things to me that I’d walk in to the bathroom crying my heart out. They never knew how bad they broke my heart but they had the right to feel that way since I neglected air left them for the lifestyle I lived. I finally gained a friendship then a mother daughter relationship with my oldest who would not tolerate my behaviors whatsoever. She made it clear if I relapsed ever again that she would have nothing to do with me since I put her through so much. I worked 60 hours week or more managing up to 60 hours a week. The loneliness was a lot and not making relationships due to not having the time to do anything to work. I made the most money I could have imagined , built n amazing career managing 13 facilities 2 days a week at times a month or 2 straight a job that usually takes 5 managers to do in a day. I lived in an amazing apt, paid all my bills alone wanting to gain a full year of experience so that I can go to school to become an executive director for my certificate. Trying to make 100,000 a year atleast. However, money was not everything nor moving mend any relationship I let the loneliness affect me more than I could take since the love of my life remains in addiction who I waited for him to one day get better and marry him but instead he found someone he loved once before me. I cried a lot not being able to process all that and so I relapsed. I totaled my oldest daughters car causing everyone in my family to find out after I called hysterical not making sense. I went to the hospital and the way my children, family and especially my son seen me was the most ashamed I’ve been.!I was not in a good place at all. I moved back to where I moved from and have no job , was able to get into an apt with a couple of months of rent. That will end in March I am full of anxiety lately due to having to pack and unpack and move states all in one week. Wanting to complete my house before I start working somewhere. I have paid the money for me to get my ED certificate which was not cheap at all. It’s to be working with the elderly whom I adore so much I just love them. Class is 80 hours starting Feb 2 nd and rent will be due on March 1st with a $2500 rent on my own and other bills. God willing I am able to keep moving forward in all areas of my life soon. God has been more than wonderful to me especially in the way here I got hit by a semi truck hitting right where the gas tank was at. I spun like crazy many many times after losing control in a snow storm that almost thru me in a ditch. Nothing happened to me and didn’t feel pain and my car didn’t get hit in the gas tank and I was able to walk away alive because I can’t say that was everyone’s luck. It was really bad. It’s undeniable that he has a plan for me but my heart has been broken and have been sad over the things I allowed to happen in my life. After 26 years of addiction and almost5 years of sobriety traveling to Hawaii a dream of mine too. It just happened so fast I am also a case manager who worked in treatment before working with seniors and I know the signs that lead to relapse. My faith in God is strong and I know that he has me. I am disappointed and broken hearted and understand that the time will come for me to be in silence and alone after unpacking and loved ones leaving. I am sad yet trying to be strong through this and with bills and school and where I’d love to serve with our seniors I just have so much love to give them. They are left behind often times with no voice I want to be the one to pay attention to them and voice any neglect or so in. They are wonderful oh my God please allow my life to unravel with all the opportunities that I may need from recovery which thank you for the support of the women I have here. Please I am asking for protection and safety allowing me to feel the confidence and joy I need again. I want to laugh and truly laugh like I once did loving who I had become and who I am as a person. Doors to open for me to get me to the place I need to be to serve you. Helping others it comes natural to me and I genuinely dedicate my life to doing so. I thank you for showing me that I am to lean on you in all times in my life good and bad. Everything happens for a reason in your timing. This humbled me in so many way I needed that help me mend my broken heart from things that need to be so that I can be fully happy and serve you and my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank you for everything you’ve done in my life and children’s may my finances not be a concern that I takes me from where I need to be. May finances not interrupt the plans you have for me. I live you with everything in me