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Hungry4love357
Servant of All
I scared myself today. We went to a Renaissance fair and and there were a lot of lady's there that had very little on, and some were more modestly dressed but nevertheless It got me in a bad mood to see all the happy couples. I started talking to God, Asking him if I would ever meet that special women. No, not one that dresses in skimpy outfits, just a fun loving person, that would go to things like that with me. I got upset, and when we came back to the house I was mentally exhausted from sensory overload. (over stimulation from the noise, the rushing thought, and just overall crowed.) It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to make more friends. I told my friend via text that I had lost confidence in myself. I tried just saying hi to women as they passed by, but most of them just ignored me. I get tired of not getting responses after a while so, as you can very well imagine, I quit, and almost started crying at one point in front of everyone, because I was lonely, and even though I was with my mom and dad, and all their friends, I still felt alone, and I talked to God a little, but i really did not know what to say. Anyways, when I got back I was physically exhausted, and mentally exhausted, and It was one of those days where my depression got so bad that I thought about suicide. It scares me when I think about that. I don't want to do it, but when I'm that low, it's almost as if I can't see any other option. The best thing I can do when that happens is got to sleep, because if I sleep, I always feel better when I wake up. But it's a bad habit, and I also talk to God about it, in hoping some peace of mind would come over me. I'm worried to death about not finding someone.
It was like Satan was just right there over my shoulder, and he was telling me, "You can't do it, you will never find friends, you will always be socially awkward. You see those happy couples that dress up together, and their kids dress up with them, hows it feel to know you will never have that. You go ahead and have lustful thought about these women, you will never have a wife so it's okay. Hows it feel knowing you will never get experience sex with the bonds of marriage. You should just give up your virginity because you will never have a wife to give it to, and even if you do somehow get married, she probably won't be a virgin, so why work so hard to stay that way? Do you really want to die a virgin? You should hire a prostitute. If you do get married your wife's gonna cheat on you. She's gonna leave you for someone who's not a loser."
I just can't seem to get over my shyness. I am contemplating giving online dating one last shot, but I will only do it if I have professional help. I need Gods help above everything else. Please pray that things will work out somehow.
It was like Satan was just right there over my shoulder, and he was telling me, "You can't do it, you will never find friends, you will always be socially awkward. You see those happy couples that dress up together, and their kids dress up with them, hows it feel to know you will never have that. You go ahead and have lustful thought about these women, you will never have a wife so it's okay. Hows it feel knowing you will never get experience sex with the bonds of marriage. You should just give up your virginity because you will never have a wife to give it to, and even if you do somehow get married, she probably won't be a virgin, so why work so hard to stay that way? Do you really want to die a virgin? You should hire a prostitute. If you do get married your wife's gonna cheat on you. She's gonna leave you for someone who's not a loser."
I just can't seem to get over my shyness. I am contemplating giving online dating one last shot, but I will only do it if I have professional help. I need Gods help above everything else. Please pray that things will work out somehow.
