Shathesca
Humble Servant
I guess my heart is broken maybe destroyed. I don't know what to do. My prayers seem to go nowhere. I mean it's just me talking about the same thing. I don't know anything really. My wife ### used to be a person who I thought was the most honest and kind person I could ever meet. Now I'm not sure. I don't want to blame anyone or anything. I've prayed constantly night and day. I thought maybe just maybe she would miss me or ask for forgiveness. Either I'm crazy or she is. I've lost so much. I'm wearing down. I have tried everything I know. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. I don't want to go forward alone. I understand that God has a plan for us but I think He skipped me. I'm really sorry for failing you God. I believed I was following your teachings. ### did say she hated me towards the end. She never spoke a hateful word to me. Then she started smoking Marijuana. She never touched drugs. Marijuana is a drug don't kid yourselves. It's insidious because it lies to your spirit. I know I used to abuse it until I found something better...God. I am not sure I'm going to make it through this journey. Praying for her daily hasn't worked out. We were together for over a decade. I don't think people understand the power of the word agreement or commitment. You just can't hurt someone and not suffer the consequences of your betrayal. I believe God forgives. I forgive. But what good does it really matter? I'm ready to die. My life is empty and lonely. I don't understand why we are allowed to suffer. Nobody cares about me. I deal with hateful people. I reach out to help but no one cares. I honor ### but it doesn't matter to her or the universe. Something is wrong with the world. People worship a liar running for president. Spewing hate and irrational ideas and they think he's a messiah? What's happening in our world? So much meanness masquerading as righteousness. I am lost in my life. I've followed the rules and the codes of conduct and it still didn't work out perfectly. If this is the way it is going then I have no more faith in goodness. No faith in the intelligence of mankind. People used to be kind and thoughtful and respectful of others. ### has been destroyed by greed or the brainwashing of materialism. This is not the teaching of Jesus Christ. I have been patient and forgiving in all aspects of my life. But I've been attacked and insulted and accused and punished by lies and I took the high road and forgave but what good has it done? I'm the one who suffers and keeps going down. So answer my prayers! Come on and hear me! I get scared and worried. I am a man but I cry for my wife and my home and my animals. She took it all. I still love her but why can't I just be loved? I have zero people to lean on. I write these pathetic prayers every day and night. I have nothing to live for. I crave human kindness. I went to therapy but they're hateful and rude. Trust me I've tried everything. I live in ### the fentanyl and heroine capital of America. These people are walking zombies. You'll see dead people at the bus stop overdosed. In the street on the sidewalk. I did cpr on seven people in 4 days from overdose. I'm stuck here. I was a good husband. I'm a good friend. I have moral codes that I don't want to break anymore. Where is God? What do I do? I'm sinking down. Help me someone please pray for me because I don't think my prayers are working.