anonymous7367
Humble Servant of All
I can't get rid of these feelings of utter hopelessness and impending doom. I know what is coming. I have cried out to God for help and hope and he is just no where to be found. I want to take this loaded shot gun and blow my brains out. All I hear is that Gentle voice telling me the worst is to come. You all say God speaks in a gentle voice. The thing I'm most terrified of is the cursing, slamming doors, me being blamed, and beimg thrown out of my home because of other people's actions, being homeless alone with no transportation, no way of communication, just the clothes on my back.
I have recieved no comfort from God. I have prayed till I am blue in the face. I am so tired and so miserable. Nothing is improving. Nothing. There are no comforting words in the Bible. There is no one that will hold me and give me any comfort. God has proven there are no miracle at least not for me.
I felt myself starting to daydream yesterday about helping all these people with what I call my settlements. I quickly chastised myself, reminding myself that God did not want me to do any of it. I've prayed for over 9 years about it. You would think I would learn by now IT AIN'T GOINA HAPPEN!! I have taken in homeless families, we help people. I've worked hard to make my dreams come true. Guess what. None have.
There are a few things in my home we could sell but it will never happen as long as my husband is alive. My hands are tied. We have put one thing up for sale but have had no calls. Wouldn't matter any way because my husband has his own plans for the money that don't involve paying rhe bills. 3 1/2 years of unsuccessful endless job searches. I really don't want to go through another separation and divorce. Our neighbor told me yesterday that I had been good for my husband. Must not be too good if he isn't putting the family's needs ahead of HIS WANTS.
A miracle is the only way to fix this and God says NO you get NO help from me you are on your own.
I have recieved no comfort from God. I have prayed till I am blue in the face. I am so tired and so miserable. Nothing is improving. Nothing. There are no comforting words in the Bible. There is no one that will hold me and give me any comfort. God has proven there are no miracle at least not for me.
I felt myself starting to daydream yesterday about helping all these people with what I call my settlements. I quickly chastised myself, reminding myself that God did not want me to do any of it. I've prayed for over 9 years about it. You would think I would learn by now IT AIN'T GOINA HAPPEN!! I have taken in homeless families, we help people. I've worked hard to make my dreams come true. Guess what. None have.
There are a few things in my home we could sell but it will never happen as long as my husband is alive. My hands are tied. We have put one thing up for sale but have had no calls. Wouldn't matter any way because my husband has his own plans for the money that don't involve paying rhe bills. 3 1/2 years of unsuccessful endless job searches. I really don't want to go through another separation and divorce. Our neighbor told me yesterday that I had been good for my husband. Must not be too good if he isn't putting the family's needs ahead of HIS WANTS.
A miracle is the only way to fix this and God says NO you get NO help from me you are on your own.
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