I am praying to never wake up

[Trusterwin]

I used to want to go to sleep and never wake up too. My experiences weren’t the same as yours, but I struggled a lot with feelings of worthlessness and wished I could find a way to hurt myself more than the pain I felt.

I turned to addictions with food and relationships to try to find ease and comfort, but the problems are often the same when we peel back the layers. There may be a 12 step fellowship available for people who cut themselves or self harm in physical ways.

As a Believer I still needed to work a spiritual program of recovery in order to find a connection with the Lord - I have a mind that, without 12 step work, will override thoughts of God’s love and grace with thoughts of all the imperfections in me. Recovery has shown me a new way to look at and experience life.

I hope this is helpful, and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[A C / A O]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Stitcher]

I have prayed for this. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[Thabfa]

I prayed for you and will keep you in my prayers.

You may feel alone, but there are people that can help. Please reach out:

Help for Self-Injury in St. Louis

Are you or a loved one struggling with self-injury? Our team of mental health professionals can help. Call us at 630-819-9505

selfinjury.com

or
1–800-DONT-CUT (366–8288)

More resources: https://help.tumblr.com/hc/en-us/articles/231885028-Counseling-and-prevention-resources

God bless.

 

[Pletheuomai]

I wish my life would end.

I wish to cut myself again. When I came to Jesus I tried to stop.

Harming myself is the only thing that feels ‘right’ to me though. I feel like I deserve it, and seeing myself cut up like I did in the past is a thought that won’t leave my head. I’d like to make more scars on my body and hurt myself.

I have heard that I am a precious daughter to God and should not hurt myself, but I have never been precious to anyone. My own mother would hurt me horrifically.

Her anger, humiliation, the ways she’d hit and assault me.

No one thought it was wrong. Sometimes other family would hit me as well. I would be choked, or picked up and dragged around like a doll. I’ve been whipped, beaten, and bruised .. it was nothing.

No one cared. No one cares to this day. Instead I was told that I was curse who ruined their life. I shouldn’t have been born. That I was worthless, and should kill myself. I would never be loved so I should stop looking for it.

After so many years — no matter what God’s word said ..it was hard not to believe them. How can I ever forget?

I tried to keep going for God. I was told He had plans for me so I did my best to live. Then something so ..horrible happened to me I cannot speak it. It made me want to end my life.

I am so lonely. I have no one …not family or friends. Other than God I am entirely alone. No one understands that it hurts to just be alive and breathing. I cry every night to God.

It’s like I have third degree burns all on the inside of me.

If I must be alive ..then I can thinking of nothing but to hurt myself. I can not see myself as precious. Everyone has always hurt me. It’s all I know, and has become a comfort to me. I have never felt a human touch that didn't hurt or scare me.

I try to read of God’s promises in His word …but I am tired. It is dark. The words feel empty, and I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone. I am trying SO hard to live, but I don’t think I can.

I just wish I could just close my eyes and not wake up. That’s all.

I’m sorry if these words were too honest …I do not mean to upset anyone and apologize if they were. It’s just the truth that’s been in my heart for a very long time.

I do not think any will see this.. but if you say a small prayer for me I thank you very much.

God loves as His own, I pray you receive healing and happiness in Jesus Christ

 

[Gysoy]

Am praying and believing for your healing in Jesus's Mighty name. Hoping you're feeling better today.