I am on disability. I have been diagnosisned with bipolar,

[Ayo]

Don't be afraid - I am with you! I am your God - let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you. Amen. (Isaiah 41:10)

 

[Iwant2smile]

Hello Everyone,

First please let me thank everyone for your prayers. I have not been on this site because I have been so consumed with my problems. My pain is so great. I need some relief. I have not had a break from this situation. The devil has been attacking me from all angles. Just when I thought it could not get any worse, here comes another surprise. My spirit, hope, joy, and inspiration is just about gone. I am wondering if God has forgotten me? I light candles, I pray and I pray and it seems as though nothing is happening. If anything my situation has gotten worse, my room mate invited me to church on Easter Sunday (thinking things were starting to change between us), come to find out, she had set me up for a joke in church on Easter Sunday. I was so hurt. I cried and cried. I hit my knees and I asked God what did I do to make her treat me like she did? I felt so ashamed. My depression has only deepened. I have come to the point where I want to be in the sky, I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of taking medication. I am just tired of it all. I wonder why God just will not take me, rather just let me suffer like I am doing now? I find myself thinking about this a lot lately, what would it be like to be out of pain. I feel as though I am in hell now and no relief is coming for me. I don’t know if I can pray anymore. My financial situation has not changed. My living situation has not changed. The system has no one or nothing in place to help you (except a shelter). I have given away just about all my personal items (china cabinets, china, collectables (expensive)). I have very few personal things now. I guess this is all I have to say. I will not smile again. It rains all the time in my life.