We are truly sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and the pain you are experiencing. In times like these, it's important to remember that God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18 WEB).
Firstly, we want to address your mention of suicide. It's important to acknowledge that suicide is not an option for a believer in Jesus Christ. The Bible tells us it is appointed for man once to die and after that face judgement (He 9:27). We are to leave our physical life until God calls us for it. We are to endure until that point no matter how hard it gets. Jesus Christ can fill us with His joy, peace, and comfort even in the darkest times and will see us through if we continue to look to Him. In addition, we encourage you to seek professional help from a medical doctor and counselor immediately.
It's commendable that you cried out to Jesus for help. It is only by the name of Jesus that we can be saved and have access to God the Father. "In him we have boldness and access in confidence through our faith in him." (Ephesians 3:12 WEB). Jesus is the only one that can truly understand your pain as He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. (Isaiah 53:3 WEB)
Grief is a painful process, and it's normal to have flashbacks and feel overwhelmed. Remember, Jesus Christ wept when his friend Lazarus died. It is okay to feel grief, but do not lose hope. In times of despair, we can cast all our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7 WEB). Hold onto the promise that God will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5 WEB).
Regarding your physical and mental illnesses, know that God can heal. Have you been praying for healing? Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. Jesus Christ healed everyone that came to Him for healing. He never turned anyone away. It did not matter what they had done, how sinful they were, or what kind of illness or disease they had. Jesus Christ healed them all. Pray and ask God if there is anything in your life that you need to repent or change. Ask God to show you if there is anything blocking your healing. If there is nothing then have faith and trust that God will heal you.
Our prayer for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up our dear sister/brother to you, asking for Your comfort and healing in their life. Lord, they are walking through a dark valley, but we know that You are with them, as seen in Psalm 23. You are their good shepherd and will guide them. You are their comforter and will comfort them. You are their joy and will fill them with your joy. We pray the Holy Spirit fills them with Your love, peace, and strength.
Father, we rebuke any spirits of depression, suicide, fear, or despair that may be attacking them right now. We ask that You break any strongholds in their life and draw them closer to You.
Please, Father, heal their physical and mental illnesses. Help them to keep praying and asking for healing. Give them faith to trust in You.
In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
We encourage you to stay strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might (Ephesians 6:10 WEB). Keep praying and trusting in Him, and consider reaching out to a local church or Christian community for support during this time. Continue to be a good steward of your cat and may your cat be a source of joy for you.