Gilsoraerlake
Disciple of Prayer
I’m sorry for asking this again but I don’t know what to do anymore. This relationship I’ve had with my girlfriend has been good and bad. The reason I say good is because the dates we have been on and the stuff we have done together. The reason I say bad because this relationship has affected me mentally. I always forgave her for what she done to me. She still had her ex’s location, still had pictures of him, talked to him in 2nd period at school, texted him, listened to music with him, did projects with him, and then she saved his phone number. All of this and I’ve found a way to forgive her and him. I forgive but I don’t forget which sucks. And then there’s this family friend they have and he asked to go over because he was “bored” but I knew he was there just to be with her. I only knew this because at her birthday party he looked at her up and down like checking her out and I knew from there he definitely liked her. So I knew that was going to happens and I told her about it but yet she didn’t listen to me and they layed down together and he followed her everywhere and played with her hair. I still forgive but I don’t forget. I’ve always seen the good in her. Honestly all this stuff that happened to me gave me so much bad emotions. I’ve cried, I’ve got mad, I wanted to do something bad to myself but I didn’t because of Jesus, I’ve just had so many negative emotions. And then I feel like she don’t care about what I want and I’ve always cared about what she wants. I’ve prayed for us. I prayed for me to be the only boy for her. (Outside of family and God/Jesus). I’ve prayed for her and now I found out it hasn’t been answered. She told me I’m the reason she’s fallen into a life of sin and she says I’m selfish. When it’s been opposite. I’ve cared what she wants and now that I spoke up on what I want I’m selfish. I want to cry and my heart feels a sharp pain. She was my first kiss, the first girl I’ve dated to meet my parents, the first for a lot of things. I know when we break up she’s going to follow guys and be with other guys which I’m scared of and that’s going to hurt. She honestly made me lose faith. I prayed every night for things to change but it haven’t been answered. I prayed so much for things to be better and it hasn’t been answered. It made me dobt the lord and if he is here for me. I remember from watching the chosen (Jesus show) that Jesus told Nathaniel that when he was in his lowest moment he did not turn his head and he saw him under the fig tree. I want something like that. I want Jesus to talk to me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want to see him. I want to feel his presence. My heart seeks Jesus. But I feel like Jesus did turn his head because none of these prayers have been answered. Jesus say those who are weary and heavy laden (I think something like that, not trying to preach the gospel wrong) come to me and I will give you rest. And I’ve came to him but I haven’t got the rest. This whole situation hurts my heart and tears me down. I haven’t done anything bad to hurt her. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. This hurts. I don’t know what to believe anymore. My heart still seeks God. But I don’t know if he’s real. It hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do anymore.