Hello. I am sending this because the devil has had too much power over my life, and for too long. I am 25.and turning 26 on the 27th and my life has gone nowhere. No jobs, hobbies, no accomplishments, or sense of fulfillment. This life of mine is a dead end, as it has been for years. As an older teen up till now I have fulfilled nothing. I am very comfused and this life of mine is like "do or die" for me.
I hear of people having a choice between Heaven and hell but how on earth does someone like me choose Heaven with a life like this? How would I live the Christian life like this? Growing up I was slow-minded(a little slow, not completely), had difficulty learning, had social anxiety, was quiet, and kept to myself.
Since around age 2, I had encountered so much random opposition from people that were used by the enemy. I was sexually abused, insulted, mocked, used, judged, pre-judged, and cursed for reasons such as my state of mind(being slow), my being different, my being quiet, my keeping to my self, my difficulty learning and my failing grades, and from the way I physically look. I heard terrible comments, was laughed at, etc. I had let so many people get away with so many things, whether as a child, teen, or adult that I can't even count them. At 19 someone had even threw a pencil at my face, almost hitting my eye, yet I just sat there like the dope that I was. I have also done wrong growing up such as cursing my mother and severely injuring my sister with hot water one time. As a teen. I haf burned my sister but had let people walk all over me at school or elsewhere around that time, like a son of a pastor who had hit me hard on the head and threw things at me whatever chance he got.
At 21, I had been arrested and locked up for 32 charges of "stuff" on my computer and ended up overhearing terrible mockery from the detective that threw death and hell on me after having manipulated an impaired, slow-minded, impulsive man into throwing himself under the bus. From the tone, what he was saying, and how he was saying it, I could very well tell some evil entity spoke through his mouth that early morning at the precinct. Even the prosecutor as he walked passed me one time, in a courtroom had some dark look on his face. He gazed intently at me with a malicious smirk on his face and a gleam in his eye. I had never seen such a look in my life.
Despite encounters from "good," "law-abiding" citizens, such as law enforcement, prosecutors, those involved in the mental health system(such as psychologists, psychiatrists, a therapist, etc some of which committed perjury against me when they had the chance) as well as others who have had cases and had caught on to what I got in trouble for because the news had put me on the spot, God still had pulled me through. I was saved by God.
Saved by God, in a little over 2 years and all the time not having been spent in jail. Oct 16(maybe 14) of last year had made 4 years since my arrest(or enormous attack from Satan and his forces). I was arrested Oct 16, 2014. Since God had saved me and sent me to a different country I remained pretty much the same person. No job, hobbies, accomplishments, sense of fulfillment. No sense of driving, speaking out, and other things most adults do. I struggle with lust as I have had before, though I had given my life to Christ months agon and turn from looking at filth(not the kind that had me in serious trouble), I went right back to my old ways. I want to ask that you pray to God, that I make it. That I move on and go somewhere with this life of mine. Ask Him that I grow up. That my brain heals and I function as an adult. That I could be mentally, emotionally, and physically strong to take on the world. To not be run over by the world and the humans in it. That I able to speak for myself and not let anyone get over on me and cross me. That what others have done and what I have done in the past loses power over me. That the thoughts of that situation/case and the various experiences during it have no power over me.
Kriordor:
Articles:
Let's lift up Kriordor for a job breakthrough. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jer 29:11). Trusting God's provision! In Jesus' name! 
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