Othaireurron
Prayer Warrior
I pray for great health I pray for healing I don’t look like myself I’m stressed nervous shameful hopeless and I feel like I will not get back to myself I hate the way I am I rush when I do things out of anxiousness I used to work jobs and quit them I walked out of a job before one time I didn’t like one of the employees so I had quit I pray that I can hold down a new job and be able to work I want to work for myself sometimes with health problems I feel unmotivated like I won’t be able to do it I pray for healing and that I get back to myself I pray that I heal weird things have been happening to my body that I don’t like I just want to be at peace and feel normal I feel inhuman and as if something is wrong with me I used to leave the house early in the morning with no where to go I would work for staffing agency’s with people who didn’t speak English as much I hated myself for not being able to find a job that would better suite me and pay me more money I worked terrible jobs my entire life I pray for my body to heal so I can work I would like to be able to work for myself one day and be able to love myself I feel as if I’m the not the same person anymore I gained weight I used to eat a lot and I would go to mental hospitals a lot it was bad I hated myself I slept majority of the time that I was there and I would just sit and talk to everyone I met a couple of people while I was there I hated my body I felt unattractive I felt big and tall I pray that I get back to myself and start to take better care of myself and love my body more I feel as if it’s so hard for me to be normal so much work it takes just to find peace and happiness I hate the way things are I just want peace and I want to be healthy and happy I used to go to the hospital a lot it was bad people would watch me they put me inside of a mental hospital after I had told them that the guy upstairs makes a lot of noise I feel as if it’s affecting my body my body felt as if it was on fire when I was asleep he was moving things around from above me I couldn’t sleep I hated my house I wanted to move I would oversleep I did that once and when I woke up I felt like somebody was above me moving things around and that bothered me I always felt like the man upstairs was following me around I started to think different work at jobs that was way too far for me and I just haven’t been myself I pray for strength and healing everyday I do the same thing I don’t have a job or work I stay inside the house or sometimes I’ll go out but now it’s very cold outside I went to the masjid the other day I felt as if God wasn’t healing me fast enough I wanted things to go my way and for me to be healed immediately I didn’t like the mental hospital that I was in when I was in ny I had stayed with a Chinese girl either Chinese or Asian and I felt as if she didn’t like me because we were eating and she moved her tray and I moved mine back she told me not to do that she was moving strange with me I didn’t like her I would leave out of the room and she asked me was I staring at her when she was walking down the hallway I got out the room with her and moved to a different room I didn’t feel like myself I was moving around tossing and turning the entire night I felt sick and unlike myself I was sad depressed that I was there I was crying I had chosen to go to the hospital some Asian lady had helped me she gave me 20 Dollars and helped me get to where I was going and then told me to take care of myself I was broke I didn’t have no money no food or nothing I was sad depressed I wanted to stay inside of the hospital because I didn’t like the home that I was in I didn’t like my cousin and that bothered me all the time I felt like my cousin wasn’t worried about me I told her that I was going to tell her mother on her I would go back and forth with her and I didn’t like living in the apartment with her I wasn’t working I barely would keep myself up I was washing up but then I stopped washing up or brushing my teeth after a while and I started to use the bathroom on myself it was very bad I felt like the Hispanic man upstairs didn’t like me he would listen to me when I would be inside the room my feet had gotten flat after I had stayed by my aunts house I’m not sure if they had gotten flat before when I stayed home or soon as I stayed with her strange things would happen to me inside of the shower it’s like I could barely pick my feet up even walking felt stressful something strange felt as if it was happening to my body it was very uncomfortable For me to even go to sleep I would sleep with my fingers across my face and turned to the side I felt as something strange was happening to my body I would go towards the hospital a lot and they said I had suffered from anxiety they would immediately put me inside of the psych ward I would go to the hospital often I couldn’t find joy or peace I felt weird crazy like something was really wrong with me I felt guilty for wishing death on my mother and her bf I never told her that I said that about her or him and she didn’t know why I felt so anxious or sad I have visions of me being arrested sometimes and being taken to prison for murdering him I feel guilty I hate myself for saying that about him I feel as if it’s eating me alive I felt as if I had belonged inside of a mental hospital or a mental prison I would sleep a lot it’s like they drugged me and gave me a injection when I was in ny to go to sleep and it made my sleep pattern messed up now I’m always sleepy I used to always have energy I don’t like that I feel that way I feel as if it did something to my body the doctor was just listening to me when I had told him that I was at summit nj mental hospital as well for three weeks just about and he wanted to know so I had Told them they ended up keeping me overnight and one of girls who was asleep she would put her blanket over me when she barely knew me and she was close towards me then she had turned on me and told the nurse that I was interrupting her sleep I couldn’t sleep but I wasn’t doing anything towards her but moving and watching tv I felt like she had serious issues I didn’t like being over there inside of a mental hospital it was too far for me and I just wanted peace of mind but nobody told me to start going to the hospital I went alone by myself I didn’t like my cousin and the house that I was staying in I wanted to die and kill myself everyday I feel that way not everyday but most times I feel depressed my body is not the same I barely could walk or have the patience or strength to do anything the man I was with wanted me to take care of my body wanted me to stretch and workout I hated myself for a very long time I would go at it with my mother and her bf I would wear the same clothes sneakers that had holes in them I would be angry all the time I was mad that I wasn’t right or mad that things were happening to me and that people were making me upset I hated my mother I felt like she didn’t like me and when I speak I feel as if she would cut me off or try to think quicker than me she would tell me to take care of myself but I wouldn’t I wouldn’t get my hair done I wouldn’t brush my teeth I barely smiled I was mad at the world mad at everyone I pray for my hands to heal for my nerves to heal for my entire body to heal so that I can get back to myself and Do things that I love doing I used to love singing and rapping listening to music I listen To all different types of music I just want to get back into it it’s like I lost passion for it I miss the person I used to be I would be mad with people arguing with them at work in staircases on buses at stores it was bad I just pray that I don’t be worried or anxious anymore I pray that my features come back again and that I start to look beautiful again I was very unhappy with my life I used to walk around parks a lot trying to find peace but that only worked for so long I felt like I wasn’t myself I pray for my stomach to heal and for it to go down I pray for my body to heal I feel like weird things just keep happening towards me I pray for better days I pray for my private area to heal I pray for my body to heal I pray for my nerves inside of my body to heal I pray to not be jealous or envious of anyone I pray for a husband I’m with a man who wants to marry more than one wife and that’s not for me I don’t want to be competing for his love with other woman he told me I sounded jealous that’s not real love it’s the principality of just don’t believe In things like that and I want better for myself I pray for a husband one day and a beautiful family I pray to not allow the man upstairs to intimidate me or anyone that lives inside of the building I feared a lot of people coming in and out of this building I just feel like there’s a lot of negativity going on that’s inside of this building and it made me anxious and nervous for years it’s like I didn’t feel like myself I felt nervous I would argue with people a lot I hated them I hated my body I worked for companies that I didn’t like or couldn’t stand I just pray for a good paying job I pray to heal from depression and anxiety I kept telling my business to people that I used to work with and they started talking bad about me saying out of all the years that they worked there they never experienced anything like that I pray to take better care of myself I was stressed out and worried about the wrong things I pray that I begin to take better care of myself I pray for my hygiene to heal and better I smell and start sweating fast I just pray for healing I want my healthy body back I pray that God forgives me and allows me to heal and grow I pray for protection from the man upstairs I feel as if he’s attacking my body I feel unlike myself I pray for a new home I pray for a new car I pray for a new job I pray to be healed from mild scoliosis I pray to be healed from the tear inside of my back I pray for brighter days I pray for more self confidence and to stand up for myself more and to not allow other people to bring me down my mother would always bring me down it’s like she always had something negative to say of me I didn’t like her I was so stressed and depressed I hated my life I hated my body I kept telling people I felt unlike myself or asking them how I look I think my aunts bf ruined my self esteem he kept looking at me when I would open up the door and I felt like I wasn’t myself he would talk down on me towards my aunt and watch me open up the door he would always talk bad about me even when I would go to his room or be out in the living room speaking with my cousin I would hear him saying things about me he would stand by the door when I would be asleep or would be using the phone he was watching me dial buttons and my face didn’t seem right or normal I felt unlike myself I thought that something was wrong with me even when I was inside the bedroom sleeping he would be moving inside of his apartment in a way that would bother me I used to see him doing things he would be getting dressed inside of his room and I just felt as if something was wrong with him he would make me feel uncomfortable I used to have rags inside of the house and they would use them I bought them for myself I don’t mind other people using them but I just pray for my own I pray to heal from schizophrenia if I do have it I pray to heal from guilt shame depression and anxiety low self esteem fear of being attacked by the neighbors upstairs I feel as if they follow my arms my neck my face my hands everything I just don’t feel right I pray for better days I new home