Othaireurron
Prayer Warrior
I pray for great health I pray to heal from anxiety and depression I pray to heal from suicidal thoughts I pray to heal from low self esteem I pray to heal from trauma and past I pray to heal from being scared of my neighbor upstairs and the neighbor next door and across the hall in general just fearing a whole bunch of things and people one lady told me not to be afraid of the people and she had gave me 5 dollars I didn’t ask for it but we were talking I pray to stop telling random folks my business or just being depressed it makes me even more depressed and sad I pray for healing from asking the lady for 30 dollars and telling her I’d pay her back she responded no quickly I almost lost my mind I didn’t even know her and was asking her for money I asked to use her phone too and she let me use it but she told me no when other people were near her I felt lost and like I should be getting myself together people were sick of trying to help me I was out of control my uncle was not happy with me and he was talking a lot and trying to make it seem as If I had to listen to him I’m a female I have every right to have my own opinion I felt as if he didn’t want me to be better he was picking Outfits out for me and telling me that I could go and buy things he was trying to help me I would sleep a lot with my hands on my face he said he didn’t know if I was steady sleep or not he wanted to help me he let me stay with him I’m his niece he don’t know that well he just wanted to make sure that I was ok I told him about my mother and the situation at home he didn’t care he just wanted to better me and help I don’t feel as if he likes me I feel like when I was using the bathroom on myself he noticed he went back and told my father he said I was using the bathroom on myself and he told his mother I felt like something was wrong with me I couldn’t Hold my urine and I would use the bathroom all over the place it was bad my mind was somewhere else I used to use the bathroom on public transportation because the bus rides would be too long and I just couldn’t hold it I felt like I couldn’t stand up so I would just sit there I felt like something was wrong with me and my private area felt strange I didn’t feel like a normal woman I wanted to kill myself because the pain was so severe it felt hard to do things I had felt my aunts bf used to turn his head a lot when I would look out the window I would see him blink a lot as if he was in my space I didn’t trust him I felt afraid of him and felt strange energy of him he had made me very uncomfortable I wanted to move out I had went to sleep on the couch and when I turned my back I felt more at peace soon as I had woken up I felt like something was wrong with my eyes I couldn’t stand what was happening To me it’s like I couldn’t look up I was looking down majority of the time it was very bad I wanted to know what was happening towards me so bad I would travel a lot and go to two hospitals in a day one of the guys at the hospital noticed I had went to another hospital before I had came to their hospital and he asked me what did the hospital say to me before I came there he prescribed me medication and sent me Home I was looking for a place to sleep and rest to get away from my aunts home and my mothers home and just to have something to do it was very bad I wasn’t happy some man had called me names he kept standing over the curtain and he was peeking inside my room I didn’t know what his problem was I felt violated and very uncomfortable I hated myself and the fact that they even remembered me I would go to the hospital almost Everyday it was really bad they wanted to put me inside of a program at another hospital when I had traveled to another town they said I had been to to many hospitals they had me inside Of a room I was able to watch tv but I hated being there I felt as if I didn’t belong there the woman told me to relax I would stand up by the door the entire time I felt like something strange happened to my feet when I was underneath the covers and when I went to put my shoes on I wanted my body to just feel normal I would always rush to put my shoes on I felt like I had damaged my feet when I had went started wearing these sneakers I had ordered online a couple of years ago it was really bad I hated it and just wanted to heal and feel better my veins were hurting they felt tight around my nerves my skin would be red it was bad and the heels underneath the bottom of my feet was hurting when I would walk I felt like I should have taken better care of my feet and chosen the proper shoe I was a mess I went to a chiropractor doctor and I felt as if I had gotten worse I could barely turn around or get into a stable Position it’s like my body was lop sided and as if I was leaning and just tilted over I hated my body and just wanted better for myself I felt suicidal I always felt strange and I would always stop speaking with my cousin and would just lay down and lock myself inside of the room and lay down it was that painful I would leave the house in the middle of the night and just go to the hospital it was very bad I hated myself I pray for healing and I pray for better days I don’t want to be sick anymore I kept saying I was acting like a older lady the guy who was doing a test for me wanted me to relax and the bus driver who I had saw when I was on the bus told me to relax I didn’t like the people that was on those buses I felt like everyone was different and that bothered me I was working way too far and I was alone on the bus I now realize that I should have just caught the bus and did whatever I had to do I was all over the place I pray to heal and forgive myself for not thinking as I should be thinking terribly and putting a bad reputation on myself I pray that I can do better and make better decisions I was walking catching trains buses everything and just ruining my travel by going to these hospital I felt different like every town was not the same as my own one of the woman started talking bad About me she Said I wasn’t to be trusted and that my own mother had thought badly of me I don’t know whatever my mother had told them but they immediately put me inside of the psych ward they didn’t even try to see what was wrong well the doctor came in and they spoke with me they asked me a few things but they put me inside of the psych ward and I felt terrible but I had chosen to go to the hospital nobody made me go and I kept going that’s why doctors were worried and concerned about me I know it’s been a couple of years now ever since I was first diagnosed but I pray that I can heal from what’s happened and learn to be a better person I pray for better days so I can heal and get back to myself I pray for a new home so I can relax and be at peace and not worry or stress about the neighbors or the people walking in the hallways I was always nervous and not like myself I was speaking with random people it was terrible I pray to get back to myself I used to work all the time and speak with people and enjoy my days now it’s like I was traveling to towns I hated and didn’t like I was all over the place I felt terrible I hated myself I hated my body some guys had came up to me and asked me was I ok because I was sitting at the park for a while and by myself they were worried and concerned and I ended up leaving I went to the masjid around the corner from the park I was trying to find God I felt like the actual God wasn’t healing me so I thought I’d go to Islam and maybe I would be healed but I still felt bad I felt a little better but I don’t Like that when you pray you have to pray a certain way and have to do rituals I don’t like that and believe that when you pray you should just be able to pray however you want and like I don’t judge but I pray that I stick to one God I believe God is real but at times I feel he’s not I feel disconnected from him as if he stopped caring about me after I said what I said I kind of didn’t want him to care for me I hated myself regardless I hated my body I hated my skin I hated everything now I just want to be able to heal and be able to take care of myself the guy that I’m with he cares For me but he always tell me about my appearance he wants me to start looking better and to start putting in the effort to look good he said he wanted the same things I wanted but sometimes I feel like it’s not going anywhere I pray that one day we’re able to grow together start a family I pray that he becomes a man of God and starts to believe he’s a very smart man he told me he wants to be married to more than one woman but I don’t want him to be with anyone else I care about him but I want to be happy if it’s not with him I pray that I know my worth and value and to not settle or allow myself to take anything less I pray for better days I pray for healing I pray for strength and protection I pray for brighter days I pray for my body to heal so I can watch out for my enemies and not allow people to demolish or walk all over me I want to be strong and confident I don’t want to be afraid of anyone I Pray for peace love and happiness I pray for a good job I pray to start my own business one day I pray to be more truthful and to not lie so much I was lying a lot and it was damaging my mind my body and my spirit and soul I pray for healing I pray for better days I pray to be forgiven I pray for brighter days I pray my head starts to go back to normal I feel as if my entire body is different I pray for strength and healing I pray for my teeth to grow back I pray to get back to myself I pray for my own home so I can be at peace and have my own place of residence so that I can relax and do things that I love to do without anyone telling me not to do it and start to follow my dreams and my passions I want to sing and dance I pray that I can start to do those things those things used to make me real happy I pray that I can start doing things that I used to do that would make me happy please pray for me I pray for my father to heal from his mental illness