Update on the previous prayer request
I am forever grateful God decided to bless me, and I could cover half of the cleaning fees upfront. I know I must trust Him to ensure I can cover the rest of it. Everything began well, but what was expected versus what was conveyed to those working ended up being completely different, and now things feel a bit rushed for higher-priority projects. I don't have any more budget to cover the other things I need to do, so I am praying I can cover the rest myself with some cleaning supplies.
I am still processing the shame and guilt over having gotten to this place, but I’m trying to lay it at God’s feet so that I am able to be productive and do my part, which is to organize and purge clothing. I am praying that I will not only pass inspection but that they will renew my lease. After the money I have spent to have the place professionally cleaned, I cannot afford to move to a new place.
I feel isolated and alone. Family members reach out, but it's only to wait for me to politely inquire about them. No one knows what I'm dealing with, but I have to remind myself that I cannot expect everyone to treat me how I treat them. That is a recipe for disappointment, especially knowing how they show up in my life.
I am still praying for peace of mind, to be released from anxiety, and to feel some modicum of safety that would allow me to sleep. Work is still tricky, and since people see how my manager openly treats me, they have followed suit, and no one says anything. I cannot take this home with me and let it weigh on me, as that is how I previously ended up in this spiral two years ago. It is easier said than done, but I am holding onto the thought that God is trying to teach me something, and I must see it through. There has been too much that has happened in the last year for this to be my ending. I am trying to stay positive, hopeful and focused on hearing God’s voice instead of the doubt and doomsday clock that is forever ticking. I want to feel that sense of happiness and security again.
Thank you all for your prayers, and I hope God continues to bless you.
