treeoflife
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God, I am losing my faith in You. I am praying because my faith is failing me. I need a way out of here, - I pray every day. Its isolated here, - I can't find work because there really isn't any around. My family are very toxic and abusive people, they don't know me, and I have been persecuted in the past in the kind of way that limits me tremendously in terms of my opportunities to get out.
You told me to ask, and I have asked. I have asked so much Your congregation is tired of me. I know I am not a perfect person, far from it, and I know I have sinned and been in error. Lord, I am getting really weak. I believe that You hate me, just because there is no progress toward being able to leave. Nothing changes. Your promises don't seem to apply to me, because You have not fulfilled them on my behalf. You have Your reasons for that, I am sure, and You are a good God, but I am losing my love for You. God, its desperate now, One True God, and I keep holding on, but I can't hold on forever. I'm just a man, and I only have so much resilience. Just being here is painful for me, and I am sure that You forgive my family their sins, and I forgive them, but I have to leave. My life is lived completely in mourning. I have asked for a sign, but You haven't shown me one. I have asked for anything, scraps, a measily income, something small, so that I can get out of here and afford a small place, and get my own life on track. You know I would be grateful to You for this gift. You know I believe it is possible in Your name, Yahweh.
But I am starting to completely lose hope. If there is anything You are willing to do, please do it. You are a God who is working miracles, who is making the impossible possible. Lord, I am hard-headed, and hard-hearted. Clearly I am a fool, and a sinner, otherwise I would know Your will, and I would have already been able to leave. God, my whole being right now is filled with self-hatred. I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for the blood of Christ to cover me.
Show me the smallest favor, God, even though I am full of faults. If I am too stubborn, force my hand. If I am unwilling, bring me anyway to the place where I will be happy. God, I am completely lost, and one thing I don't believe is that You allow that among those who pray to You for guidance and for help.
Will You allow this to continue until my heart is completely apart from You? Clearly I don't understand what You're trying to show me, elsewise I would go and do the thing You want for me. Do You hear my prayers at all? Should I keep praying to You, because it doesn't seem to be working or helping?
You are a God who moves mountains, a God who rose from the dead, and went before Your disciples in plain sight. Why do You ignore me?
I am asking for income, Lord. I know that money is an evil thing, but I am not asking for much, just enough to provide a way out of a bad and unhappy place. Show me the way to income, and force me to accept it. Show me how to prosper. This is not the life You intended for me, and I can feel it in every part of my body. I cry all day. I cry because of all the time lost, the friends lost, and now I feel cold and dead. I'm not even sure I could start over in the city I used to live in, just because of all the people there who no longer care for me.
Jesus, I don't want to stop praying, because the answer I have sought clearly I am too stupid to see. I know I'm stupid. I know I'm a horrible sinner. I know that I am a complete fool, who has wasted his time. God, I am begging You, because You are the only thing I have left, and my soul refuses to let go of You. Get me out of here. Amen in Jesus Christ's name, and in the name of the blood He shed on the cross for me.
You told me to ask, and I have asked. I have asked so much Your congregation is tired of me. I know I am not a perfect person, far from it, and I know I have sinned and been in error. Lord, I am getting really weak. I believe that You hate me, just because there is no progress toward being able to leave. Nothing changes. Your promises don't seem to apply to me, because You have not fulfilled them on my behalf. You have Your reasons for that, I am sure, and You are a good God, but I am losing my love for You. God, its desperate now, One True God, and I keep holding on, but I can't hold on forever. I'm just a man, and I only have so much resilience. Just being here is painful for me, and I am sure that You forgive my family their sins, and I forgive them, but I have to leave. My life is lived completely in mourning. I have asked for a sign, but You haven't shown me one. I have asked for anything, scraps, a measily income, something small, so that I can get out of here and afford a small place, and get my own life on track. You know I would be grateful to You for this gift. You know I believe it is possible in Your name, Yahweh.
But I am starting to completely lose hope. If there is anything You are willing to do, please do it. You are a God who is working miracles, who is making the impossible possible. Lord, I am hard-headed, and hard-hearted. Clearly I am a fool, and a sinner, otherwise I would know Your will, and I would have already been able to leave. God, my whole being right now is filled with self-hatred. I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for the blood of Christ to cover me.
Show me the smallest favor, God, even though I am full of faults. If I am too stubborn, force my hand. If I am unwilling, bring me anyway to the place where I will be happy. God, I am completely lost, and one thing I don't believe is that You allow that among those who pray to You for guidance and for help.
Will You allow this to continue until my heart is completely apart from You? Clearly I don't understand what You're trying to show me, elsewise I would go and do the thing You want for me. Do You hear my prayers at all? Should I keep praying to You, because it doesn't seem to be working or helping?
You are a God who moves mountains, a God who rose from the dead, and went before Your disciples in plain sight. Why do You ignore me?
I am asking for income, Lord. I know that money is an evil thing, but I am not asking for much, just enough to provide a way out of a bad and unhappy place. Show me the way to income, and force me to accept it. Show me how to prosper. This is not the life You intended for me, and I can feel it in every part of my body. I cry all day. I cry because of all the time lost, the friends lost, and now I feel cold and dead. I'm not even sure I could start over in the city I used to live in, just because of all the people there who no longer care for me.
Jesus, I don't want to stop praying, because the answer I have sought clearly I am too stupid to see. I know I'm stupid. I know I'm a horrible sinner. I know that I am a complete fool, who has wasted his time. God, I am begging You, because You are the only thing I have left, and my soul refuses to let go of You. Get me out of here. Amen in Jesus Christ's name, and in the name of the blood He shed on the cross for me.
