God Hates Me, And Always Has!

[Katintransit]

My name is Tina and I am in my late 30's. I have suffered alot in my life, emotionally and mentally mostly, and some physically (rape). I was raised by my mother who wasn't very affectionate, and I had a father who was not present, but made a point to be present in his new wife's children's life, and even after her death when I was 14 he still resides in the house with 2 of her children. I have had to deal with one relationship after another ending abruptly, a rape my first year in the Navy. I can't keep a relationship,even though I'm a nice person. I've dealt with being "alone" for so long. I've had mental problems (severe depression) most of my life. It has gotten worse since I've gotten older.

Just recently I found out after going to every specialist in my city that I have a reverse curve in my neck and arthritis has formed on parts of my spine. I am not handicapped but I do feel my face, (which was once pretty) is slowly fading due to the reverse curve. I have been seeing a guy recently who is married, and I fell for him and should not have. It's not love, but hey I'll take what I can get. He plays mind games with me and my depression that had recently been fading is coming back full force. I've thought about suicide because I can't help but think that God is just punishing me and hates me. The only thing I ever wanted in life was to live in Europe like I once did in the Navy (but for a longer duration). Instead I'm in a place I do not want to be, far from home and family. I have nothing. I am nothing.

I ask God every night to not allow me to wake up. I pray this every night. I don't have many friends at all. I look at people I grew up with and they have 2 or 3 children and are married and I honestly want to slit my throat. If I had the strength I would. My own mother was married 4 times so when she says "One day it will happen for you," I just want to scream, and sometimes I do. I feel like I'm being punished, like I'm in the wrong life. It's almost as if I'm suffering for a past life I may have had, or most days I just feel like Job from the bible. I don't want to live anymore. I know in the past I tried on numerous occasions to off myself but now I'm really wanting the pain to stop. I have zero hope and I don't want to live here anymore. It's not worth it. It's not like my family and friends would be too upset, when I try to talk to them they are the first to say it's too negative or they are trying to be positive, and I'm just too much for them. I figure this way I can just save myself and everyone else a bunch of heartache and just do it.

What keeps me going a little? The fact that when I do win and become happy and things line up I can laugh at people that thought I would always stay sad and depressed. You think it's easy to deal with this everyday of your life? I believe this is why my health has suffered, it has manifested itself into something else. I can't stop it now. I go to the Chiropractor to correct the problem, but honestly I believe that God is adhering to my wishes in a different way and he's pushing me to kill myself, I know this. Please don't think I'm crazy because I'm not. I've had nearly 25 years of hell to come to this conclusion. All I ever wanted in this life was to be happy. All I ever wanted was for someone to "love" me and for me to love them. All I ever wanted in this life was to be able to live my dream and not be depressed. All I get are people that let me down constantly. I sleep with this married guy because I know I can't find anyone else. I just want to die. I want any memory of myself in this life Erased!

 

[K-J]

Dear Father God, I pray that You would send a league of ministering angels to this hurting heart. Grant katintransit Your personal presence, Your healing touch. So often when we are in intense emotional and/or physical pain, our judgment is being clouded by that pain. Many times, when people consider suicide, they are simply trying to end that pain. Please reach out and help katintransit not to confuse ending her pain with ending her life. The two are very different and I pray You would help her find ways to take care of herself, and to take action now. You created her, You sustain her and we know her life is extremely important to You. Loving Father, please open the doors that need to be opened to begin a journey of healing for katintransit. Whether it is free or low-cost medical treatment, counseling, a new job, a new relationship, a new-found deeper faith, all of things are within Your realm of blessing. Please uplift and uphold her, grant her the self-esteem and love of self that circumstances and others have helped to erode away. Give her a sense of purpose and a willingness to try - for herself, and for You. Most of all, I pray for strength and comfort over her painful memories, her conceived failure, her sense that she is being punished by You. We know from Your Word that You are not a vengeful God, and that You will work all things together for the good of those who truly love you. Lead katintransit to a new place in her life...a place that builds its foundation from You on down...not from this earthly sphere on up. I truly pray for her salvation of heart, peace of mind and calmness of soul. You can heal her, You can restore her. In the name of Jesus, I pray You would shine a light upon the path for her and keep her on it until Your loving plan is fulfilled. Amen.

 

[SinglemomV]

Lord, I lift Tina to you Lord, This is the enemy filling her mind and heart with this anger and pain, physical abuse, self doubt, pity, simply just not caring, depression, Lord, the enemy is telling her she will never be happy Lord, I know Different Lord, I know the pain of some of which she has endured, and I too, thought I was being punished at one time. K-J is right 100%, you do not punish us Lord, you love us so much you sent your only Son Jesus Christ to die for each and everyone of us, Not certain people, Tina Jesus died for all of Us, which includes You. Lord, We go through terrible experiences in life Lord, and wonder and ask Why. Only you know this answer Lord, You didn't want us to be hurt or harmed Lord, You want to restore and revive us in your Love. Help Tina realize the enemy is ruining her, Not You Lord, You want her to be Happy Lord, and this True Happiness can only come from Trusting and Believing in You Lord, In the midst of turmoil, in good days and in bad days Lord. You are our Savior Lord, and our healer Lord, We can overcome anything with you Lord. May Tina fully surrender to you Lord, and Make her Life about Living for You First Lord, Praising you Name Lord, For she can help Very many, Lord that goes/going through this from the enemy, Lord. You can change Tina Lord, You can make her complete, Lord.

Tina, We have 2 choices in this world, Try to take care of everything ourselves, which causes, worry, anger, and ultimately will destroy us, or We Give it all to our Lord, The Lord Will You take care of all of your worries Lord, and then you will have soul peace and will be Free Lord, Tina, You can overcome this with the Lord, You can be more than a Conqueror with Our Lord, Rescue her Lord, Send someone to minister to her Lord, To help her Lord, Just to Trust and Believe in You Lord in everything Lord, May she completely surrender it all to you Lord, For her life on this earth has great meaning, she can rise above what has happened Lord, and Save Many Lord, Tina, I know the Lord loves you very much, Rely on him and Trust and Depend on him and he will take care of you, Just Let him, In Jesus Name Amen

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[angelitodavid17]

dear Tina,

in this world of with so many obsrtructions in life we feel pain as we suffer from the things we we hated much and sad is it keeps on coming back. as we we feel that hope means nothing like a passing word with no meaning and even becoming more intense as we see things seems hurting us and dont evem cate about us. yes tina, i have do the same though and even until now.... and there were lots of time i prayed " i dont wanna woke-up one day" if these things reides in us. "being left behind and asking God "why pick me and left me alone. But Tina....... There's one Thing i never gave up.

Inspite of all the hardships inspite of all great woes of our time. inspite of all the severe pain that even Pain BECOMES Us. inspite us we felt God hated Us. I ANSWER BACK GOD... "LORD I PRAISE THY NAME NO MATTER WHAT I M TODAY. HELP ME TO TRUST YOU. SHOW ME THE WAY AND THAT I MAY FIND PEACE IN MY HEAR

DEAR TINA YOU ARE NOT ALONE.....

I WILL KEEP ON SENDING YOU POST PLS STAY ON LINE.

ANGELITO

 

[reaborzych]

Tina; Jesus loves you so much he layed down his life for you! if you love on Him he increases warmth a peace that passes all understanding that guards our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus!

 

[bluebirds38]

DEAR LORD, I PRAY THAT YOU BRING HEALINGS OF EVERY TYPE INCLUDING, MENTALY, PHYSCIALY, EMOTIONLY AND SPIRITUALY. I PRAY LORD THAT YOU BRING PEACE AND COMFORT TO HER. I ALSO PRAY LORD, THAT YOU WATCH OVER HER AND PROTECT HER FROM ATTACKS BY SATAN. I PRAY LORD THAT YOU GIVE HER GUIDENCE AND STRENGTH TO TO HER. I PRAY LORD THAT YOU BLESS HER. IN JESUS NAME AMEN

 

[Mark]

Tina...you can't find happiness in the things of this world. I know that sounds trite, but if you want to really be happy, put your faith in God..don't blame Him if all the things in this world don't come true for you. Jesus will be that husband to you, that brother and father. He will fill every need in your life if you let Him. Life isn't about having, it is about being. Most of my life I have been blessed with the things of this world, but I have also suffered pain...Lost family. Very serious illness. in fact death was the only answer and God changed all that for me.God didn't do that until I didn't have a choice but to put all faith in Him. In fact I am in a situation just like that right now with a wife who is very sick. God has healed her from teminal cancer. She had less than a year to live and God just took the cancer away, but now satan has lead her down a path of paranoia and delusion. She is mentally ill...I don't know if you know what that is like to have someone that God gave back to you and then to have satan attack her mind..to the point where she doesn't even know what is real and what is bizzarely unreal, but I know that God is going to lead her out of this desert as well....I just don't have any other Hope but that. Don't give up and please seek Jesus. Center your Thoughts and your Hopes not on what He might do for you, but what he has already done for you.Get in the Word and seek Him. His word says 'for everyone who seeks will find and for everyone who knocks, it will be opened to them' if youi seek in sincerity and faith. He is you only answer Tina.

Dear father God, I lift up Tina to you and plead your light will shine on her life. Show her where she will truly be happy. show her that you love her and want the best for her life. Lead her Dear Lord into your presense and show her the 'peace that passeth all understanding'...the Peace that comes only from you Lord.Reveal yourself to her Lord..because we know that it is only through you that deliverance comes..Praise your Holy Name for her deliverance...we claim it now through you precious shed blood Lord...Amen and Amen.

 

[HOPE]

Father,

I lift Tina up to You in prayer. Bless her with comfort and peace of mind. Send angels and saints here on earth to give her the support she needs to remove the feelings of pain from her life and replace them with joy. Thnak You for leading her here to this prayer site--may she find the support that she needs to turn her life around with Your help. Send a special blessing Tina's way that will boost her faith and refresh her spirit. AMEN

 

[cesar00]

Dear Lord, we stand before you with Tina. She belives You hate her but yet she comes to You for help. Some how in all your wisdom you have pointed her to this website where all we do is love and cherish you. Tina does not hate you Lord, she just doesnt know how to reach you, she doesnt know hao to communicate with you. She believes she can do everything by herself. Dear Lord Tina has reached the point where she is ready to accept you, she is ready to turn her life over to you, for you to heal all her wounds and sufferings. Dear Lord we beg you give hera show of your might, a show of your power, a show of your mercy. Touch her Lord, fill her with your spirit, let her feel the warmth of your touch, let her skin crawl when the spirit annoints her with your blood. Dear Lord heal articulations, heal her soul. She is asking for you Lord, show yourself to her, bring her into the light. Thank you Jesus in You we trust.

 

[tyrone1964]

I KNOW WHAT YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW LISTEN TO ME I LOST MY MOTHER THIS LAST PAST MAY AND MY FATHER IN 07 ME AND MY DAD DIDNT ALWAYS GET ALONG AT ALL BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT HE REALLY DIDNT LOVE ME BUT I REMEMBER A ST0RY WHEN I WAS ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLD WE WAS GETTING OUT OF THE CAR AND HE SAID TO MY MOTHER AS FAR AS IAM CONCERNED I ONLY HAVE TWO CHILDREN NOAH AND DEBRAH BUT I WAS SITTING IN THE BACK OF THE CAR SAYING WHAT ABOUT ME I NEVER FORGOT THAT AND BEFORE HE DIED I REMINDED HIM OF THIS TIME AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I SAW MY FATHER CRY. BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY I MADE MY PEACE WITH HIM SO THE MORAL TO THIS STORY WAS GOD WILL FIND A WAY OF FIGHTING THE LONLIESS BATTLES IN OUR LIVES AND HOLD ON TO GODS HANDS NOW HE GOT YOUR BACK FRONT MIDDLE AND EVERYTHING ELSE WE ALL ARE PRAYING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW CLAIM YOUR HEALING PLEASE RIGHT NOW