I feel like quitting the current job due to circumstances and go into cattle and crop farming for my own. But things seems to be not right financially. I want God to show me the right direction and to open up the financial closed doors. And I want my children to have good access to education...
Currently, I feel like I've become an apostate. Heart hardened. Feeling condemned by scriptures. Having evil thoughts that are catching me by surprise. And feeling very suicidal. Feeling cut off from God. Feeling like no more opportunity for me to make heaven again. Like I'm confined to hell...