Dysfunctional Toxic Family

[Antagonokles]

My family is dysfunctional, my mom is a narcissist, and my sister called me bipolar and said I have mental health issues, My dad just tells me not to say anything. They go to church including me, but my mom sings in the choir, lifting her hands to God while at home she's like a monster. My sister tears me down. I'm ever learning they'll never change or understand me for I'm always misunderstood by them. It's in times like this I wish I wasn't born, or even alive. At church I even feel alone, ever since my grandpa who died who went to the same church I attend died, I've never been the same. My pastor is rude, no one wants to talk about grief or mental illness,
I feel so alone. I've been mentally and emotionally abused, and I feel so damaged. I was told by my mother that if I took my life it would be my fault, and by my sister it would be stupid for me to take my life. I don't wish my struggles of mental illness on anyone, but only if they knew, if they had just a glimpse of what I've been through and what I'm going through now. I'm ever at a loss for words. I feel so damaged and broken, like spoiled goods. I've prayed to God, I've read my Bible, and I've praised God despite, and I know he may not change my situation or deliver me from it just because I ask him. Please say a prayer for me. I'm prediabetic and anemic as well, and if it's not my physical it's my mental and vice versa.

i am in the same siutatiion. pray for me too