Kalbert
Disciple of Prayer
I retired from a career job I loved. I was persuaded by coworkers who were getting in on the early retirement. Two weeks after, I realized I made a terrible mistake. I loved my career job, and after decades of driving the city bus, I needed it back, but wasn't able to. I stressed so badly, became so afraid of this outcome. I got horrible anxiety, then insomnia, and now severe depression. I lost my structure, purpose, identity, social interactions, friendships, routine, coworkers, friends, etc. I live alone. My workplace was my family. I lost all interests in everything. I don't workout, swim, work on my VW, go anywhere, or do anything. It's like my life was ripped out of me. I don't feel pleasure, and my emotions are numb. My mental health is deteriorating, along with my physical health. I've also lost too much weight, my hair turned grey, and my eyesight got blurry! I sleep 1-3 hours if lucky. In the morning, I can't move. All day, don't move, night still don't move. I've been stuck. (shock?). I go check the mailbox; that's all I do. I lost interest in life. I don't like living anymore. I don't even contact friends or family. I've prayed, and had Pastors pray for me. I cannot accept that I retired when I didn't have to, and really didn't want to. I cannot accept that I'm not working at my job anymore. In my mind, I should still be there! This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm off my life's true path. It looks like I'm dying, and I'm unable to stop it.