Dear God of the universe - Thank ...

[Leera]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Shathesca]

I appreciate the time and though you took to respond. Thank you. Right now, my wife does not want to reconcile. I am having difficulty holding onto hope. My mind is spinning and I am asking for calm. This may have been more than an isolated incident and unfortunately may have been occurring for the duration of our near 10 year long marriage, but I will never know unless she can be honest with me and I can regain trust for her. I am willing to forgive, but this process has to start with her continued honesty and a desire to rebuild what has been broken, both of which I am praying for constantly.

Stay in your truth. There is only love. Look deeper at her life story. Trauma can make people do things they aren't even aware of. God doesn't condemn. There's no need to forgive if we don't condemn. 10 years ago you were attracted to her because she had perfection and flaws. It's what made her beautiful. If she doesn't want to reconcile then you stay in your faith and truth. Please consider therapy or if your not ready there are confidential hot lines and online counseling. This will help. In my experience and this has happened to me before, people who betray a relationship 90 percent of the time have emotional trauma or something like that. But this is pretty common today. That may not help but it will be something to examine. Hurt people hurt people. Be patient. Talk therapy can really help. You are in the raw process of trying to make sense. This is human behavior. People mess up because they are incapable of empathy or they are crying out for attention. This is not time to blame anyone including yourself. She messed up and knows it but things are out in the open. It may require separation to quiet your mind, emotions and feelings. But I'll stand by this. It will get better and you will live a life that will be stronger. Stay strong. my friend.

 

[DanielM]

Stay in your truth. There is only love. Look deeper at her life story. Trauma can make people do things they aren't even aware of. God doesn't condemn. There's no need to forgive if we don't condemn. 10 years ago you were attracted to her because she had perfection and flaws. It's what made her beautiful. If she doesn't want to reconcile then you stay in your faith and truth. Please consider therapy or if your not ready there are confidential hot lines and online counseling. This will help. In my experience and this has happened to me before, people who betray a relationship 90 percent of the time have emotional trauma or something like that. But this is pretty common today. That may not help but it will be something to examine. Hurt people hurt people. Be patient. Talk therapy can really help. You are in the raw process of trying to make sense. This is human behavior. People mess up because they are incapable of empathy or they are crying out for attention. This is not time to blame anyone including yourself. She messed up and knows it but things are out in the open. It may require separation to quiet your mind, emotions and feelings. But I'll stand by this. It will get better and you will live a life that will be stronger. Stay strong. my friend.

We are 81 days into this process and it seems so hopeless and I feel so hurt. Have you ever heard of any romantic relationship that was able to recover from something seemingly so far gone? I feel my prayers transitioning from “grant is the opportunity to rebuild our marriage” to “thy will be done” because I am starting to lose hope.

 

[Shathesca]

We are 81 days into this process and it seems so hopeless and I feel so hurt. Have you ever heard of any romantic relationship that was able to recover from something seemingly so far gone? I feel my prayers transitioning from “grant is the opportunity to rebuild our marriage” to “thy will be done” because I am starting to lose hope.

Yes of course but we are programmed from our childhood to be hurt or offended or devastated. If it seems hopeless then it probably will be. But if it seems hopeful it probably will be. Whether she wants to heal or reconcile is not the issue. Do you want to heal yourself? Now stay with me. As men we're trained and programmed to be preoccupied with sex and then loyalty and fidelity etc. But humans both male and female are weak creatures. Look around at the addicts and obesity and sickness and mental health problems. Not mental health illnesses but self inflicted mental issues like anxiety and fear. We are all part of the programming from childhood. Now the social media and the internet promote inappropriate behavior and music also celebrates it and endorses it. Because humans are stuck in their lower desires. Why? Programming from birth about beauty and masculinity and desires and pleasures etc. This isn't horrible it's just so useless because it's on the lower scale of evolution. Meaning it's not taking us higher with God. But as men we have to be be aware of our child our adult and our inner parent. The child in us never goes away. But our adult and parent can offer love to ourselves especially our hurt little boy who lives inside us. Sex and betrayal isn't the issues. Do you love yourself? Do you really love and care for you? This must be examined because no matter what she says or promises or even confesses if you don't love yourself then it will manifest again and again even if you divorced and remarried. Can you two heal? Well sure you can. But the question is how much do you want to heal? Just enough to be less hurt? To be right? To make her feel bad? She also has to examine the same things in her. Sex is so overrated. Loyalty and integrity are ethical acts, now those are basic principles you kinda want to already be familiar with. But like I said many of us grow up but don't know the rules. We say the words that matter then kinda hope for the best. Look man it's no accident we're communicating. I just went through this...again. But it comes with a whole bunch of beautiful lessons that are worth the price of admission. You're learning about you. And you're discovering who your wife is. She's also your friend. I know you can forgive her. But can you forgive yourself. Yes that's really important. Because you nit only have been betrayed but you kind of feel you betrayed yourself. It's confusing but not hopeless. Y'all have healing to do independently and together. But this could be the most powerful healing in the world. When you two realize how to love again Y'all might be surprised to find that you can heal and help other couples restore their marriages. We give up to easily in this culture. She didn't do this to hurt you. She was hurting her life. Look at her parents or her friends. There's a clue in there because everything is learned behavior. I'm not a therapist. I'm a philosophical cowboy who's had his own worst moments handed to him but they also were my best moments too. I live in a funky little room in New Mexico in a place that's dangerous and insane but it's where I call home. I left a beautiful ranch my dogs my horse and my wife because she had her own guilt and shame playing on her spirit. Would I take her back? ??? Yes instantly. Buuuut I've had time to heal and self examin. I doubt she's done much of that. As I heal or go up then it gives her a chance to. Love has transformed me. Self love. I almost died over this. But God saved me. Because I wanted to live and tell about it. To glorify God. To tell my story to help other men who are going through Hell. So I just did that. By the way there is no Hell. Just fear masquerading as fear. That's the opposite of love. Fear. You can get there wherever you choose for there to be. But you can't get anywhere without God. It's impossible. Go with God my man. And go all the way. Life is always good and showing us how to live better. Peace. Keep positive and keep posting.

 

[DanielM]

Yes of course but we are programmed from our childhood to be hurt or offended or devastated. If it seems hopeless then it probably will be. But if it seems hopeful it probably will be. Whether she wants to heal or reconcile is not the issue. Do you want to heal yourself? Now stay with me. As men we're trained and programmed to be preoccupied with sex and then loyalty and fidelity etc. But humans both male and female are weak creatures. Look around at the addicts and obesity and sickness and mental health problems. Not mental health illnesses but self inflicted mental issues like anxiety and fear. We are all part of the programming from childhood. Now the social media and the internet promote inappropriate behavior and music also celebrates it and endorses it. Because humans are stuck in their lower desires. Why? Programming from birth about beauty and masculinity and desires and pleasures etc. This isn't horrible it's just so useless because it's on the lower scale of evolution. Meaning it's not taking us higher with God. But as men we have to be be aware of our child our adult and our inner parent. The child in us never goes away. But our adult and parent can offer love to ourselves especially our hurt little boy who lives inside us. Sex and betrayal isn't the issues. Do you love yourself? Do you really love and care for you? This must be examined because no matter what she says or promises or even confesses if you don't love yourself then it will manifest again and again even if you divorced and remarried. Can you two heal? Well sure you can. But the question is how much do you want to heal? Just enough to be less hurt? To be right? To make her feel bad? She also has to examine the same things in her. Sex is so overrated. Loyalty and integrity are ethical acts, now those are basic principles you kinda want to already be familiar with. But like I said many of us grow up but don't know the rules. We say the words that matter then kinda hope for the best. Look man it's no accident we're communicating. I just went through this...again. But it comes with a whole bunch of beautiful lessons that are worth the price of admission. You're learning about you. And you're discovering who your wife is. She's also your friend. I know you can forgive her. But can you forgive yourself. Yes that's really important. Because you nit only have been betrayed but you kind of feel you betrayed yourself. It's confusing but not hopeless. Y'all have healing to do independently and together. But this could be the most powerful healing in the world. When you two realize how to love again Y'all might be surprised to find that you can heal and help other couples restore their marriages. We give up to easily in this culture. She didn't do this to hurt you. She was hurting her life. Look at her parents or her friends. There's a clue in there because everything is learned behavior. I'm not a therapist. I'm a philosophical cowboy who's had his own worst moments handed to him but they also were my best moments too. I live in a funky little room in New Mexico in a place that's dangerous and insane but it's where I call home. I left a beautiful ranch my dogs my horse and my wife because she had her own guilt and shame playing on her spirit. Would I take her back? ??? Yes instantly. Buuuut I've had time to heal and self examin. I doubt she's done much of that. As I heal or go up then it gives her a chance to. Love has transformed me. Self love. I almost died over this. But God saved me. Because I wanted to live and tell about it. To glorify God. To tell my story to help other men who are going through Hell. So I just did that. By the way there is no Hell. Just fear masquerading as fear. That's the opposite of love. Fear. You can get there wherever you choose for there to be. But you can't get anywhere without God. It's impossible. Go with God my man. And go all the way. Life is always good and showing us how to live better. Peace. Keep positive and keep posting.

Thank you.

You’re right that I have forgotten about loving myself. When Keri and I met, I was in a good place mentally and very self actualized. The next 10 years (medical school and surgical training) broke me down. With the birth of my son 3 years ago, I realized that I haven’t done anything for myself. I honestly believe that I was giving everything I could to my patients, wife and son, but I left absolutely nothing for myself. I have been miserable.

 

[Shathesca]

Thank you.

You’re right that I have forgotten about loving myself. When Keri and I met, I was in a good place mentally and very self actualized. The next 10 years (medical school and surgical training) broke me down. With the birth of my son 3 years ago, I realized that I haven’t done anything for myself. I honestly believe that I was giving everything I could to my patients, wife and son, but I left absolutely nothing for myself. I have been miserable.

Backup regroup and then start over. You can do what you need to do. If you can do medical school etc then you can do anything. You wouldn't trade the pain you've been through to gain knowledge and experience you have now. Don't expect people to understand you. Nobody has to understand that. You understand it. Take a stand for you. So you've given it everything you have and things didn't turn out. Just own it. Assess the situation. You're figuring it out. Make no excuses. Evaluate it why it broke down. Make sure you're not putting yourself in a position where you won't keep your commitment. Start again. Learn from your experience. If you're in a relationship that's not fulfilling to you don't stay in a lifetime of pain. Live with hope. Enjoy where you are. Forget about the failures. Just focus on where you are right now. Think only for the best. Press on to the future. Commit yourself to stretch. Don't worry about what people say. They're already saying it. Desire to be happy. It might be for your health. It might be for your community. Do what you can to live your dream. Look within yourself. Make a commitment to live in God's plan. Honor your life. You will have better days. Things will change. Realize you have done good. You have the better part of wisdom. This all happens for a reason. Don't apportion fault to her. Don't blame her. Accept it that it happened for a reason. We all play a role in what happens to us. Don't resist it. Yes it's uncomfortable. But praise and blame go together. There just creating each other. Jesus never blamed anyone. Real saviors never gossip or blame. To understand all is to forgive all.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer. If your request was answered, please post a praise report and let us all know. If your request does not seem to have been answered, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer. We all hope that our prayers are answered in the way that we want. Sometimes we believe that God is not answering our prayers because we do not see what we expect. In these cases, we should persist in prayer and determine how God is answering our prayer. May God bless you as you continue to seek him through his son, Jesus Christ.

 

[DanielM]

Backup regroup and then start over. You can do what you need to do. If you can do medical school etc then you can do anything. You wouldn't trade the pain you've been through to gain knowledge and experience you have now. Don't expect people to understand you. Nobody has to understand that. You understand it. Take a stand for you. So you've given it everything you have and things didn't turn out. Just own it. Assess the situation. You're figuring it out. Make no excuses. Evaluate it why it broke down. Make sure you're not putting yourself in a position where you won't keep your commitment. Start again. Learn from your experience. If you're in a relationship that's not fulfilling to you don't stay in a lifetime of pain. Live with hope. Enjoy where you are. Forget about the failures. Just focus on where you are right now. Think only for the best. Press on to the future. Commit yourself to stretch. Don't worry about what people say. They're already saying it. Desire to be happy. It might be for your health. It might be for your community. Do what you can to live your dream. Look within yourself. Make a commitment to live in God's plan. Honor your life. You will have better days. Things will change. Realize you have done good. You have the better part of wisdom. This all happens for a reason. Don't apportion fault to her. Don't blame her. Accept it that it happened for a reason. We all play a role in what happens to us. Don't resist it. Yes it's uncomfortable. But praise and blame go together. There just creating each other. Jesus never blamed anyone. Real saviors never gossip or blame. To understand all is to forgive all.

I want to thank you again for taking time to message with me. My son and I flew across the country to be with my family for the week. If I take everything My wife has said to me at face value, she is done with our marriage. She hasn’t told me much and I’m the last 3 months, we haven’t talked more than 20 minutes about what has happened. I have really heard her as she enumerated my shortcomings, but many of the defects she listed are in no way new and have been present for our 12 years together. My family is telling me to move on, that she has been clear with what she wants. Nonetheless, I feel like that seems impossible. I can’t see how my best friend and I can possibly be done being married. We have a meeting with a counselor on Thursday and I don’t know what to say or where to start.