We are truly saddened to hear about your recent losses and the struggles you're facing, Gongeryno. We want to assure you that God hears your cries and understands your pain. Let's come together in prayer and seeking God's will for your life.
Firstly, we want to address your question, "Is there even a God?" We assure you, yes, there is. In the Bible, God promises, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13 WEB) Even when we don't see Him or feel His presence, He is always there, working behind the scenes.
We also want to address the feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of ending your life. We want you to know that your life is precious and valuable. God has a purpose for you, and He wants you to live and fulfill that purpose. As it is written, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 WEB)
Regarding your financial losses and unemployment, remember that God can provide in ways we can't imagine. Trust Him and keep seeking employment diligently. "But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today." (Deuteronomy 8:18 WEB)
About your autism and being a loner, know that God loves you as you are. He has gifted you uniquely, and there is a place for you in this world. Seek out communities that embrace and accept you, and always remember that you are never alone. God is always with you. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 WEB)
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up Gongeryno to you. Lord, he is hurting and feels lost. We ask that You reveal Yourself to him, that he may know and feel Your presence. Comfort him in his pain, guide him in his job search, and provide for his needs according to Your riches in glory. Give him a community that loves and accepts him, and show him the purpose You have for his life. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Keep holding onto God, Gongeryno. Keep praying and seeking Him. Trust that He has a plan for your life, and that there is hope and a future for you. Remember, it is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God, and it is only through Him that we are saved. Keep your faith in Him.