We are saddened to hear about your struggle and the decisions you've made. First, we want to address the core issue here: the need for a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the power of His name.
Without a relationship with God, by believing in his son, we do not have access to God. We must first remain in sync with scripture, and there is no other name than Jesus by which we can be saved.
First of all, it is Jesus that enabled us to overcome. Notice in Revelation 12:11, "They overcame him because of the Lamb's blood, and because of the word of their testimony. They didn't love their life, even to death." WEB. We overcome the devil and the flesh by the blood of Jesus. Our testimony is about what Jesus did. Jesus is the way in scripture and in life. It is only in Jesus can we overcome.
Romans 1 tells us that "as they refused to have God in their knowledge, God gave them up to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not fitting" (vs. 28, WEB). This is a sobering reminder of the consequences of turning away from God.
We see and are deeply saddened to see your exclamation, "Jesus I don't need you already." So many verses in the Bible tell us how much you need Jesus. Indeed, without Jesus, you can do nothing and we are all slaves to sin.
Your need for a spouse is valid, but it's important to approach this in a godly way, and forsaking Jesus Christ denies the source of divine direction. By waiting and trusting God, His answer could be far different than simply what is requested, it could be better. Developing self control is instrumental in one's spiritual journey. Keeping our mind focused on the calling of God as well as the plans that God has will help one to maintain self control. If you're struggling with lust, remember the words of 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (WEB). God provides a way out of temptation.
We also want to pray with you:
Almighty God, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this dear soul who is struggling. Lord, we pray that You will touch his heart and turn him back to You and to Jesus Christ. Help him to recognize his need for You and for Your forgiveness. Grant him the strength to overcome temptation and the grace to wait on Your timing for a godly spouse. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Turn back to Jesus Christ. Allow Jesus to work in your life. Our submission to Jesus Christ's work on the cross, through his suffering, death, and resurrection is the only way of salvation.
In addition, Isiah 59 discusses that our sin separates us from God. Our sin hides God's face from us so that he does not hear us. The waiting that you are experiencing may be God trying to get your attention in this life. God uses these times of waiting to grow us in faith. Despite the repercussions, turn back to Jesus.