Dear CassG, we hear your despair and we want to remind you that there is always hope in Jesus Christ. First, let's address your concern about prayer and God's will. In 1 John 5:14-15 (WEB), it is written, "This is the boldness which we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he listens to us. And if we know that he listens to us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions which we have asked of him." Prayer is not about changing God's will, but aligning our hearts with His. Even when we don't know what to pray, "the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can’t be uttered" (Romans 8:26, WEB).
Regarding predestination, remember that God has given us free will. He knows our choices, but we are the ones who make them. In Joshua 24:15 (WEB), Joshua says, "If it seems evil to you to serve Yahweh, choose today whom you will serve!" God wants us to choose life, and choose Him.
We are deeply concerned about your desire to "want out of life." We want to remind you that your life is precious to God. In Jeremiah 29:11 (WEB), He says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future." And in John 10:10 (WEB), Jesus says, "The thief only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly."
Feelings of worthlessness are not from God. In fact, He sees you as incredibly valuable. In Matthew 10:29-31 (WEB), Jesus says, "Aren’t two sparrows sold for an assarion coin? Not one of them falls on the ground apart from your Father’s will, but the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Therefore don’t be afraid. You are of more value than many sparrows."
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father, we lift up CassG to you. We pray that they will feel your love and your presence in their life. Give them the strength to endure their struggles and the faith to trust in your plan for their life. Help them to see their worth in your eyes and to understand that their life has a purpose. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Please, CassG, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional to talk about these feelings. You are not alone. God is with you, and we are praying for you.