What Are You Speaking?

WHAT ARE YOU SPEAKING?​

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:27-28
Do you have control over your tongue and speech? Do you have to have the last word in a discussion or in an argument? Are you a listener or are you ready to interrupt or defend yourself? Years ago and yes, sometimes even now, I just have to say one more sentence to try to prove or explain my point at that moment, when silence would have been much better. Can you relate?
He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20
Our words can get you or me in a lot of trouble, unless you have learned to watch what you say or the tone in which it was said! How many words have you or your spouse said in a quarrel that you both regret? How many things have you said to your children that you regret? Did you go and apologize? Do you and another friend start talking and it turns into a gossip session about someone else? We all need to think before we speak.
If you watch the news regularly, you will see or hear politicians or baseball owners or others say things they should not have said and then in a few days they have to retract or apologize for the words that were said. Everyone needs to watch what they say!
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? James 3:5-11
Do you have problems talking with your spouse about different topics? What about your children? Do you listen to them and their opinions? After many years of hearing so many different stories, I know that many men and women do not know when to speak and when not to speak!
Do you want to get your own way in most discussions? You may have come from a very talkative or argumentative family who always was loud or argued and after the quarrel is over, it is over. Your spouse’s childhood may have been totally different or they were an only child. Do either of you hold grudges?
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14
Then there are other families who, if they say something wrong or rude, they do not talk to that person for days or even weeks! We all need to learn how to control our tongues. We need to learn that the enemy uses our tongue to keep the fire and strife going in a marriage relationship. Are some of your marriage problems caused by not knowing when to stop a conversation? Have you or your spouse lost control of your tongue and said things to each other that you never really meant and no one apologized and stopped the word fight? Make rules about when to stop arguing and cool off and talk about that subject at a different time.
I personally believe that many marriages are destroyed by each spouse saying things they never really meant and the other spouse will not forgive them. One disagreement started possibly about nothing really important, but ended up tearing apart each other by words that should have never been said in anger. Winning a fight or a disagreement does not mean that you have really won anything in the Lord's eyes. Let me share some scriptures that we all must learn and remember about our tongue and about quarreling:
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:23-26
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18
A fool's lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. Proverbs 18:6-7
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. Proverbs 26:20-21
Are you getting the message? We need to watch what we say and a lot of words is not always better. I know that you can do it. Yes, I had to learn how not to speak or talk with the wrong tone or with a wrong attitude and then wish I had never spoken! Haven't you? Say you are sorry, immediately! One of the most important lessons that my Lord taught me by reading and studying His Word is that I often need to be quiet! Listening is deeply respected by many. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak to your spirit loudly when you need to become silent as you may be trying to win a disagreement or just talking too much. It is so great, when you do not have to apologize saying things you should not have said!
It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 20:3
I hope you are hearing my heart today. The world today says just about anything on television, movies or videos. We have lost all sensitivity to what we say, to whom we say it in front of and what is right or wrong. What we sow, we are going to be reaping! Children are now cursing at a younger age, many talk crude, yell at their parents and are rude and show no respect to adults as they have been listening to their parents or others. You better work with your teenagers or they will be having marriage problems.
I pray that you will examine your own heart and your own family to see if you need to start changing the words that are being said in your home. Do you need to talk to your children or grandchildren about their words? If your children are older, you may need to sit them down and tell them that you have made some mistakes in your life, but you are going to try to change some bad habits and tell them what you want your home to be like. Yes, it will take time, but will be worth the effort.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you. Proverbs 4:24 (NKJV)
May I strongly suggest you learn this principle before your husband or wife returns home. We hear from so many spouses that it has helped them so much in not starting a quarrel or an argument during their marriage restoration process.
You and I can make a difference in our marriage or where we work or play by how we speak. What is coming out of your mouth? We know of many standers who have told us that their mouths were full of bad words before they knew the Lord. But when they accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, their tongues and hearts were touched and changed. Allow the Lord to start transforming you completely, right now by touching your tongue and changing your speech. Do you need to zip your lips in your home?
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21
Have a blessed day,

Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.