Anonymous
Beloved of All
Warning: Strong Language, Content, And Material. The Book Of OJEB: The Story Of My Life: Chapter 0: The Revolution: For As Long As I Could Remember: I was born and raised in NYC by my mother with 3 siblings. I’m the middle child and 1st born of my mother. My story is based on my lifestyle. I started elementary school in 1992 and graduated middle school in 2009. I started highschool in 2009 and graduated in 2012. I started college in 2012 and graduated in 2014 I began college in 2014 and graduated 2018. I was born Monday December 28th 1992 in Brooklyn hospital. I grew up with my mother and my three brothers at one point in time in my life or another. Then I grew up in the foster care system going from home to home place to place and school to school because my mother couldn’t take care of us. Me and my three brothers was removed from our mothers care at a young age because she was unfit as a parent and not qualified to take care of us. Maybe because she didn’t have enough money or resources and it wasn’t that she was mean or abusive she loved us but over time things got real. I remember my foster mothers name was tawana and my aunt in queens use to be our foster parent. Me and my older brother were together and my twins brothers were together separate in another house with other foster parents. I’m not a twin by the way but I suspect otherwise. I feel that I had another brother who was my twin that died at birth to save me and for me to be saved. I believe my parents are from a foreign country and died as refugees but my parents say otherwise and they don’t believe me but there was a scientific study done on this child who said he was from a foreign country and his parents never told him where he was someone else and what is impossible to others is possible for you so god grades you by your belief or your not graded at all cause I could believe in time travel and you may not believe and god could give me what I need and want to do so and he don’t give it to you because you don’t believe or don’t have the mind for it and so belief is k to your success Come here let me help you out Hey let me help you na na na you stunk you smell here put this on na You know what you do is only temporal and that this is only temporal to and if that shine my pockets god gotta outshine it Yo can I get that you just cried man yea don’t we all but some of us do it in secret Some people Are working in the shadows Some people Are working in the light Some people Are working in the darkness Some people Are working in the darkness I know nothing! And I will not medle in the affairs of man Peace is like a tractor trailer park if it ain’t true don’t say it "You Don’t Think About The Movement,You Just Make The Movement, And Think About It After." -Ovaldo Brown Chapter 9: It only matters when you care You read the horoscopes and that’s what persuades your mind I’m not human and you should read that’s **** and you shouldn’t allow it to persuade your decisions and choices yesterday what you see is not what I see and I’m perfect and there is no imperfections or flaws or mistakes it’s only divine mine no bad mind people over here if you cant see me for who I am you don’t deserve me your not worthy Good morning: But I love you #This is just a game to god If you want to dance you have to go out there and find your own dance and rhythm and dance to it you can’t find it in here Heaven & Hell: I keep seeing stop signs I think that I’m on the line Of heaven and hell Your bullet is out of gun! The one thing that you hold onto god wants you to let it go the one thing that you care about god wants you to let it go the one thing that you trust god wants you to let it go the one thing that you believe in and hope for god wants you to let it go the one thing that you have faith in god wants you to let it go and the one thing that you love god wants you to let it go WOW that girl is cute she look like Bianca! I remember how I met a woman at church and told her how I wanted to **** and she told her boyfriend how brave I was. You know what I remember when there was this one time when there was a shooting on the block and everybody ducked down but I just stood there. #And then I got in trouble and questioned for why I didn’t do anything You don’t do that! You don’t ever do that! Me: (slyly but minically) But hey wasn’t really shooting but In The Back Of My Mind: HaHaHaHaHaHaHa (A wife should not work without her children) You ever been on a bus and knew what was going on? but didn’t know what was going on like you got on the bus and knew what happened without knowing what was going on but knowing what was going on by not knowing what was going on cause I guy got on the bus and said **** you go **** yourself and when I got on the bus I knew what was going on but didn’t know what was going on it was like I knew who he was talking to but didn’t know who he was talking to and everything just unfolded itself I wasn’t even on the bus so whatever events occurs before hand or before that I don’t know but it’s like when I got on the bus after the events that took place or accord i knew I knew what had happened what went down and what had accord without being on the bus and without having any knowledge of the situation but as soon as I got on the bus I knew Hey Jesus is there a fountain of youth in heaven? I bet he got one in heaven right beside the throne! HaHa "When You Reach Your Mind It Only Last But So Long." -Ovaldo Brown Chapter 10: God tryna do something he should of left me alone when I wasn’t saved I gotta get my money I’m gonna be poor sometimes you know your fate before you even know your fate cause he shows you things and whether you think it’s true or not there bound to happen with or without your consent accurances happen everyday even experiences happen daily things happen continually and continuously I have to correct the mistakes of the past made on my behalf by other people unknowingly #I feel the light, I see the light. Oh and I wanna become the president of the United States of America Oh I don’t even know what that is Is Happy Science: Sometimes we want what we want and don’t get it! #You make me want to cry and my heart sorrows for the wants for the needs I have for the life I have and want exceeds the exterior of extensionalism and so I must move on and let go and tryna find a better flow to flow in above the waves above the wind pressed upon my deepest skin I soar I fly above the wind above the wind is a new place a new beginning She fighting for a dream and a hope That is coming through her mind She fighting for a dream and a hope and I’ma save Wake her with a touch That I love so much Put my hand in Put the bread in Oh how I love so much You sweet love Your sweet hugs Your sweets touch But there is no one that I’ll ever love so much give me the desires of my heart! what is a desire? how do you form or formulate a desire in your heart for it to be or become the desire of your heart or the desires of your heart "Ride The Wave, Don’t Rise The Wave." -Ovaldo Brown Chapter 11: Life ain’t what it’s cracked up to b You know when you like something often they call it an addiction HaHa what if I went to heaven and ate the same fruit does that make me addicted cause or if I eat the same fruit all the time and never stop for eternity for all eternity eating the same fruit And that’s why I said and talked about having long drawn out conversations with people an it goes nowhere that’s how god is and that’s what he does she was cute and I like her but that real and honest thing wasn’t true and if I feel to kiss you I’m not gonna tell you oh I feel to kiss you when I just met you and we’re talking for the first time but that’s how god is that first time could be your last time and the. You two could make up and get married and have lots and lots of babies it only takes that one oppurtonity and one moment to make a life time “the first impression is your last impression†which isn’t true because you got many more impressions to go but when god says something and does something it’s best to go do it because you never know what’s going to happen but I felt that I was gonna get slapped or that other people thought that I was crazy kissing her but hey I got scared and fearful and afraid and don’t know what was gonna happen or go down if I did and so I hesitated I doing so in kissing her and then she asked me or I said I wanna do something but I don’t know when I should of just kissed her and see what happens so I think that’s what lead up to her asking me or getting mad and telling me that she’s honest and real and that if you talk to me you have to be real and honest and her stormin out after she gave me the money or not talking to me cause we could of been friends girlfriend and boyfriend husband and wife and so you never know what god has planned or in store but it takes that one moment of obedience but because of my hesitation and me letting fear get the best of me I will never know cause that moment may not come again and we’re not talking and I don’t know if I should let her go or try to talk to her cause she said she was watching me and I saw her she looked sad I saw a ring but didn’t think nothing of it cause you know how people are and she could of been searching and I could of been the answer to her prayer or prayers you never know god works in mysterious ways you could be a blessing and an answer to somebody’s prayer and I also remember this one time where there was this girl and she and her friend Jehovah witness were talking about boys and how she wants a boy and how she thinks futuristically and how her friend said that she thinks futuristically and that her head is in the clouds and maybe she need to find a boy like that and I’m behind them but in front of them just listening an as the girl explains herself and expresses herself I felt that I was the answer to her prayers cause I thought the same way head in the clouds the whole nine yards like that! Great! Yea that stuff head in the clouds ain’t coming down I wanna become president of the united states and that’s not to far fetched its nothing but that’s not what I’m talking about or getting at what I’m pointing out is the boy that her or her friend described I felt that it was me I felt I was an answer to her prayers or prayer but low and behold I wasn’t and those girls looked like they go from my school or went there and the girl I saw I didn’t wanted after getting done and through talking to them and so I left McDonald’s unhappy and girlfriend less that’s how god works that’s how he is I went over there to talk to them and explain how I felt that I was the answer to your prayers she looked at me I looked at her and thought this was it but I guess she was still looking or had someone else in mind and so bummer it was a drag we talked about god and how they felt and I told them what I saw knew and know and they told me that what I thought or said was just an opinion which wasn’t true I was telling the truth but they tried to lead me to scripture and get me to read scripture oh the scriptures say this and I said what if the whole bible is a book of lies and your just reason it and feeding yourself that and so it went from there and didn’t go nowhere they wasn’t rude or nasty interrupted abrasive much but not rude and nasty and they didn’t listen but hey I thought she was the girl for me but she wasn’t and so that’s why I party to distress. Hmmm Kristan she loved me Hmmm more than that right Trashcan: She gonna give it all She gonna throw it all away Throw a paper inside my make up She gonna throw it all away I am a nobody Nobody talks Or listens to me I wake up Inside your make up And your smearing it all over me Chapter 12: All of the dreams her and I shared can now be made real this may not be the future we envisioned but it will be ours to fashion as we wish she is my guiding light the guardian of my soul when we are reunited I will cherish her like never before So is there ever a chance we could go out again you know start over You will always be my second choice and she will always be my third My desire burns inside a flame Matrix: My life was over for me before it began, Time was up before even I picked a hand. Chapter 13: There is no hardship enough The world is changing I cut people off you have to but then I took them back I don’t know why but I cut them off again them like branches you have to cut them off Laying with you or laying on you Sometimes I wish to close my eyes and just be with you knowing that it’s all over it’s all over. I remember when I met this girl named Dashawna and we use to do shows cause I use to do shows and plays when I was little and I use to be in all of them growing up and I wonder if I can get my educational records and I remember that that was the last school I went to cause I always use to transfer and you was there When Angels Hands Touched: na that was middle school and I was just thinking about you hoola hooping and that YouTube video go quasia go quasia and I remember that that was the last school I went to and I think it was a behavioral school for the mentally ill HaHA casue at that school the would strangle you if you “misbehaved†I wonder if I can go to a new school all the girls like me That’s disrespect and if they know they got your emotions they got you Hmmm chicken: … I remember we use to hang out at prospect park at the boys and girls club and I went out with Kristen and we use to always go on trips and I remember this on trip where we went a basketball players house and I did fashion shows ms.sapp had connections and I think I should talk to her she knew everybody and Kristen I think I should ask her for a second chance that is a girl I should ask a second chance from or go out with she loved me and I loved her maybe not enough because I messed around not like that I fucked up I fucked up with her and messed around and she held a grudge on me for years because if it and because of what I did and it took a lot of waiting and patience for her not to be mad at me anymore and a little bit of talking I use to tell her that I wanted to break Up with her and she would say no and hold onto me and then I would say na I’m just kidding and that I’m just playing and then that was the first time but then it was often it became often and an every day thing and I guess she got tired and we lasted a year the longest I ever lasted in a relationship and she loved me and we were growing strong but it’s just that there was to many interactions and distractions upon our relationship pressed upon our relationship cause you know how it is everybody start talking and all eyes in you and it became enough and an over weightier matter that was hard to deal with and figure out and became. Infusing and I didn’t know what to do and the only thing I felt to do was break up with her cause of all the talking of her friends and people around her and us cause your supposed to be happy for her and you wanted this your the ones that told us to go out and that we should get connect cause they saw a con but her friends kept on talking they wasn’t my friends I had none we talked and everything but we weren’t friends I kept that boundary real close to me so no one could get to me or be my friend or a friend and betray me and **** and al the **** pthat comes with friends or being friends with somebody I has boundaries I set binaries they were set and people has to respect them and I wanted no friends and so I wanted. I fried. Or connections I was anti social plus I was anti social and didn’t like to many people around me or talking to me I guess I guess I’m claustrophobic or was claustrophobic but I didn’t like to many people around me or near me and so I remember naqua when she was on that exercise thing I guess we started to like each other but I ain’t never see her again maybe he do that yea why he do that it’s like you like somebody and somebody like you and he take them away from you and then you don’t never see them again and when your get do they don’t remember you but you remember them it’s like they forget you but you don’t forget them I Wish That No One Committed Suicide: What If Someone Woke Up In They Bed After Going To Hell And Had No Recollection Of It Or What Happened What If No One Was Poor What If No One Was Weak What If Broken Was Alone And you could hear him weep What If No One Was Powerless What If No One Was Broken Lonely Alone Stressed Depressed Without A Place To Call Home Chapter 14: Lavender Silk: And then they joined hands on the field the brothers united for the first time You try to show them but your the one that shares in your joy you only she was and is a good woman it’s tough losing people you love people you look up to she had a rough time with it everybody has their problems and situations and circumstances that happen to them but it’s what you did with them that makes you who you are He made you who you are god I’ll stand behind you all the way we’re made in his image and likeness so why is it that we have to go to church and have somebody tell us we need to change if we made in his image an likeness then there is nothing that needs to change he changes us I remember at one point in time of my life that my cousin would always bring these girls over to his house asking me do I wanna join and because I was a Christian I said no I see why he gave me all those opportunities with my cousin and him having all the girls over and him inviting me and asking me do I want girls to come over or do I want him to call girls over for me to **** and so the search continues and the search is on and I feel a serge so I’ma do me I’ma I’ma do me Lost Opportunities: To The Party Scene: My heart hoped on it But you never came Never slain But remained Still remain In my mind Ever slain Chapter 15: Hospital Stories I got to go to school to get myself back in because they transferred me to FDR and I go to Edward R. Murrow and so I gave to get myself back into school how? I don’t know but they told me that the DOA said that I’ve been transferred and that I’m out of their system and that I’m not a student there anymore and so I got transferred to FDR I’m transferred to FDR which is a transfer school a WABC school or a WABC program I met a girl there she’s nice she use to go to my school but she’s there now and so I have nothing to say towards that nothing bad nor good cause there is nothing wrong with that everybody has their problems a situations and circumstances happen to them but it’s what you did with them that makes you who you are and a lot of people gave thoughts towards WABC schools and higher learning but it’s not for me and cause I want my education and diploma from Edward R. Murrow an official diploma my girlfriend graduated from there my soon to be wife and I’m still stuck there doing 7yrs going on 7yrs she’s in college now congratulations! woohoo and I want to go to her school SUNY Oneonta and so I’m heading for college but have no money to get there or no where abouts or where withal to clean myself or get friends I’m homeless broke and unemployed and poor and living in a shelter at 20yrs old how I got into this situation? God! he did this to me and is still doing this to me and all he have to do is send me back and take me back I wanna go back! I just want the girl! but he keep showing me things and revealing to me things like I’m stupid and I suppressed them and forgotten then for a reason and he acting like he dumb for some reason and for some apparent reason cause why when I ask or talk to somebody about going back they talk about time travel but God! don’t know what I’m talking about and wanna play stupid like he don’t know what the **** in talking about and keep showing and traveling to me **** that had and have suppressed and forgotten a long time ago and recently not to recently but recently and a long time ago and I talked to my “principal†and he told me that he was gonna make some phone calls no wonder security wasn’t trying to let me in and tried to stop me from coming into the school cause I wasn’t a student there and there was somebody to talk to about this but they tried to stop me and prevented me and caused me fear and so I didn’t do nothing I didn’t say nothing I just politely walk way and went to my destination which was the deans office to go talk to somebody and I talked to the head dean ms.jaburger and she said that I’m not a student sweetie and that I’m not a student in her school anymore and that I’m not on her raster or in her system and that the DOA has it that I’ve been transferred and that I’m not a student there anymore sorry and then I asked for something to eat and she said she was hungry to cause I was hungry and didn’t eat all morning and didn’t eat all day and wanted and needed something to eat and so after I talked with her I slipped away unnoticed and went to the bathroom the restroom to take a leak but before that ms.jaburger called the principals office to see if she could get in touch with him to see if i could get back into the school and she emailed him and the school social worker well the school social worker and the guidance counselor cause I had no program and to figure out what to do or where to go from here cause I was transferred and got transferred and couldn’t get a metro card cause they cut mines and I needed a new one cause they knew that i was poor broke and homeless and unemployed and had problems with my “parents†and on the outside and so that’s why they kept it on and fed me and provided for me when they could or can I loved to eat so? I should of did what i was supposed to do since freshman year but because of all the experiences and interferences and being poor the lord didn’t allow it or permit it cause it is he who is to judge so? and they didn’t do much but they did what they can and why do i feel that thats a lie and that thats bit true they got me in trouble sent me away alot and often sent me to the hospital where they forced me to take medication and forced medication on me and had me take medication look I don’t take medication and I never did until it was forced on me and I was put in the psyche ward for all eternity and given needles with drugs in it by doctor warton I can’t remember his name right now but it’ll come to me he was Spanish Hindu an Indian looking guy from the hindus he was Muslim and tried and thought to keep me in there until I fought cause they couldn’t do anything and I’ve been there to long and they start to ask you are you ready to leave do you think your ready to leave oh your not ready to leave and give you a few more days and sone medication and a vacation and your on your way straight to hell cause they don’t let you out and they keep you for however they want or decide to keep you it’s supposed to be a month but they keep you longer if they feel to and you cant do nothing about it and they have meetings plus they don’t listen to you or hear you it’s like your not even there and plus it gets rowdy cause people tryna get out and you feel that if they want to leave then let them get out or if they feel that they should leave or get out of here then let them out the doctors ignore you and act like you not there and walk right by you and don’t say nothing when your trying to figure out when your leaving cause when you get there people leave earlier than you who came there after you or before you and you tryna figure out what’s going on and it’s a waiting period and you pray or try to pray and he don’t answer cause I guess he can’t do nothing or ain’t allowed to or he ain’t there and so you go through days of pain and agony and if you show any signs if depression they wanna put you down and give you more medication and everybody is in on it you can’t trust anybody even the people in the hallway even the janitors and even if you get ahold of somebody they don’t tell you everything or fight for you cause they job on the line and so they afraid and fearful to do the right thing which is get you out if there or help or at least try cause you’ve been there to long and they know you’ve been there to long but it’s not up to them it’s up to the doctor one man and it should be a security vote if everybody feel that you should leave and that one person don’t then you should leave and be able to but your not and it’s up to that one doctor cause his word over powers all in that room in that meeting room do when all in favor of letting you go and he don’t it’s done it’s over for you he don’t care he keeping you fit as long as he want and when you find out that its all about the money they be quite and shut down and shut up and tell you that you need more medication and they say you need to be put down put down cause if you argue and fight with them for your rights or about your thoughts HaHa in there you got no rights your life us there’s it isn’t yours anymore so you get out when they say and do what they want your a patient and they do what they want and give you no matter what it is the dosage is milo gram and is after if you get stuck you stuck you gotta take it an nobody cant do nothing to help you its severe you cause they so afraid And they put you down like a dog and drug you up with anything and you can’t do nothing cause you have no choice you have to take it i rather not take it and if you don’t they hold you down and make you take it and they tie you down and drug you with anything and everything and they hold you to the bed nobody fights for you Still up still growing strong I get tired of this day to say this lifestyle of being a “christian†a true christian at school they want to meet with me this morning but I don’t think I’m going and plus I gotta meet with my worker to get my money SSI and have a psychosocial done so that I can get this money I do have a McDonald’s application a new one just opened Up on Flatbush I thought they closed down but opened up quick and it look new nice and fine inside like manhattan but better so I’m gonna work there or I think I’m going to work there but I feel that I should work for fresh direct or city harvest plus I didn’t fill out the application yet and that’s how this dang life is for me and I guess I asked the lord or Jesus how I feel and this is how I feel but he can’t feel how I feel nor can you and don’t know how I feel so he should stop trying and so should you I’m do depressed and in another place and this is unlike any other depression that I’m in I’m so gone Chapter 16: Recap I remember when she told me that one day I was going to become homeless and that one day she was going to give me money but that she couldn’t give me all the time and then she laughed I wondered at that but that **** wasn’t funny generous but not funny I’m out of here! I guess I’m going hungry today! until a certain time it’s Tuesday and I don’t have no money and me “grandpa†told me to not come to his house anymore and to stop coming to his house cause I’m poor broke homeless and unemployed he keep wondering why I keep “coming†over there when I’m not I’m led god takes me and brings me over there everyday to ask for something food money and drink and even at my “friends†mom house god has made me a beggar she’s been like a mom to me while I was in the streets I wonder if I could take care of my children I wonder if my wife gonna die it’s something cause something inside of me said she’s not your wife but or will I feel like the woman at the well where the woman told Jesus that’s not my husband and Jesus said though hast truthfully spoken and he said go and tell everybody what I’ve done it was even more me than that even your husband but she went to go get everybody and rounded everybody up and told them about what Jesus had done and they found out that he was the “messiah†and then the story goes on from there but what was significant about that moment was when Jesus talked with a woman na that was another story I am homeless broke and unemployed and without education but not uneducated I went to school for years and I’m still tryna stick it out and make it to college and go to college and off to college to see a girl not for me I’m not going for me I’m going to get the girl and get out I don’t have no friends I need to network I waited for her for 3yrs 3yrs and a half and all she did was push me away and go out with all these other people and they didn’t even last long I don’t see her going out with them now and I was always around non stop and she was fucked by one of them but she never saw that she never saw that I was there and never left do you know how long I waited for her for that and I didn’t pass judgement I just said come here I love you in my heart I knew but she didn’t want to tell me and I don’t know why she didn’t want to tell me we talked about everything and about each other and hung out with each other and talked and spoke alot cause I knew when she didn’t tell me or want to tell me I knew already what had happened and what had went down cause I said to her are you still a virgin and she gave me this look and said its none of my business sly but slowly and your always supposed to ask a woman this her age and everything cause I’m not like that I’m a different person and if a woman has enough respect to ask you your age and name then I have the same respect for a woman to do the same cause why should you ask me my business and I can’t ask you yours it don’t work like that I don’t play that I don’t do that and it’s not right so if I can’t ask you questions and get to know you don’t ask me no questions and get to know me I don’t work like that I don’t okay that that’s not how it goes and now adapts everything is different everybody is different so nobody cares about that stuff anymore and nobody minds that anymore than you do so? and so I talked to my “principal†mr.barge mr.l debarge and he told me and said that he had to make a few phone calls so he could see if he could get me back into school and before regents week we had a talk or a discussion a brief brief discussion or talk about how I didn’t want to go to that school FDR that WABC school and so I told everybody and so I don’t know what happened but I think somebody is pulling the strings cause I’m not in school anymore and I’m not a student but I talked to him before regents week and this was all supposed to be straightened out and taken care of so somebody’s doing something cause how I go to the school social worker and she repeat everything I just said on how I don’t want to go to FDR high school or join that WABC program or do it or go to a transfer school that want to stay in Murrow and I talked to the “principal†about that and do what happened he let a gap and a misstep and he fell in it and we was talking he was playing a basketball game or at a basketball game or watching a basketball game so we talked briefly and I remember I tried to talk with Shaquasia that day when we went in the gym she ignored me and ran away from me and ignore and so do you see how I got into this situation the one person you thought and cared about don’t think and care about you or love you and it gets you down and she would give signs hidden signs that I would have to pick up that she would say it that said she liked me and wanted me but she didn’t want to be with me she didn’t like me or who I was and after she got fucked I went away I waited 3 and a half years for this girl kept myself celebrate a virgin and kept my virginity and stayed a virgin for 3yrs three and a half years and longer and counting one girl and one girl only and sex after marriage this girl I loved and wanted but she pushed me away and got fucked plus she was a virgin to but now I don’t believe that was true I think she had sex before but we were kids 16 15 and I loved her to death to life HaHa and back again and she screwed me over and fucked me over and ruined my life I waited for her and was patient and was grieved and was depressed and suicidal she held a grudge on me I didn’t know what to do we talked we didn’t talk this went on for years had a contract set Uo out down and set Uo again I ripped mines up and never saw it again cause it never made sense it didn’t make sense we were friends all along what hairbreadth what was going on and she had the nerve to show me and bring it up to me I wanted to grab out and shove it in her face and tell her to shove it Uo her ass but I kept quite and confused tried or trying to figure out the words to speak but I didn’t need none but the language if love then she became a bully and Isayah you don’t even go out anymore how you let him **** you and then leave ya don’t even go out anymore and I waited 3yrs not for that I didn’t wait to have sex with her I waited to love her sex was the last thing in my mind but now things has changed and I’m looking to **** cause he fucked and I think of her as a smut and a whore and a skank cause she betrayed me and betrayed my trust how we hang out and hang out all the time and you go out with everybody else and I’m asking you out and you scared and pushing me away I asked her everyday every year and then I see her with somebody else and even after I would ask her and pursue cause they didn’t last long and I was still there through it all and she couldn’t see it and so this kept on she kept on going out with these people for 3yrs this went on and mind you after the unnecessary waiting and being patient and “waiting in god or the lord †I didn’t even get her plus he had her fucked and took her away from me and he still don’t wanna take me back and he still refuses to take me back cause I wanna go back to the day I first net her and to the first day I got “saved†cause I knew her before I knew him and I knew her before I got saved which was at 17yrs and everything changed for me everything changed for me and drastically I became unpopular unclothed depressed not in my right mind or frame of mind thinking things gearing voices seeing things caring around big ass bible looking a certain way that I wasn’t supposed to look and acting a certain way I wasn’t supposed to act and I wasn’t supposed to play the part I was a “christian†so calked and my life was over ruined “saved†at 17 still looking for sex at 20 and everything crumbles I don’t get none and I don’t get no girls because of the misconceptions that were being spread about the lord and the “church and now it has become corrupt and vile and venomous people live there and thee evil there all evil and now Chapter 17: I don’t get girls or get woman and god doesn’t allow it or help me with it or assist me and that’s why I wanna go back cause girls come to me but I seem weird and like a creep and controlling or whatever else I seem to be then and so I don’t get none God doesn’t help me but the pursuing into my life like a waterfall an flocking into my life like bird nonstop and it gets better and better and beautiful lee and more beautiful a nd girls want it and they wanna fuk and all dem rings but u seem weird and I get fearful and I feel weird and psychologically fucked Uo an so I don’t know hat to do plus it always ends Uo the same it seems to go the same way everytime plus I can’t find the right words or seem to say the right thing and people say that girls don’t want the right words or the right things but everybody does even me you want to hear all the eight words you want to hear all the fit things that your liver gas to say and when using I hear silence and depressions dn suicidal thoughts cause Gid keeps playing and he ain’t helping me and do I don’t want nothing to do with Gid or anything or anybody for that matter neither Gid nor Jesus Christ nor the holy spirit or his angels he took her away from me had me wait for three and a half long years and didn’t give her to me plus I was patient and waited on the lord and ai everybody has a misconception of the lord and “church†and right now my life has gone awry and instill don’t get no girls but still do get girls cause they still living with me I waited in vain I waited in vain for the girl and in the end I got nothing nothing manifested she didn’t manifest or show up in the end for me to claim my prize for the wait and my reward for the patience and my treasure so you got ? So I got jypted! And god screwed me over and fucked me over and ruined my Life and didn’t give me Nothing and called himself “saving†me but from what and from whom if I needed no saving and if you son need me why still keep me hereof I wanna go back and I tell you that constantly and repeatedly and continually and you turn your back on me and expect me to serve you or be your servant it don’t work like thy I don’t work for nobody not even god he took my life away and called himself going me “life†and now he tryna make me all could say is I ain’t hiding but he turnt his back on me he keep making me fearful I feel that I need a crew and a clique and all that stuff before mentioned I’m homeless broke and unemployed and got no money nor an eduction nor any money to get those things you can’t trust nobody and you can’t take nothing or no one for granted course even his or Satan can use them to kill you give a damn about you and they don’t give a **** about you at the end of the day do why should you if you have an ideas or thought to do something follow through don’t hesitate and wonder and be in fear and worry about what god gonna do with or about what you gonna do and maybe he would forgive you and send you on your way like he forgave the guy in the cross and sent him to paradise he deserved to go to hell but because he believe who god was he went to heaven if you have an ideas or thought to do something follow through don’t hesitate and wonder and be in fear and worry about what god gonna do with or about what you gonna do and maybe he would forgive you and send you on your way like he forgave the guy in the cross and sent him to paradise he deserved to go to hell but because he believe who god was he is he went to heaven or paradise and he was forgiven of everything he had did and done I remember when we use to play in the snow me and my “brothers†and make snow angels and I remember when there was a snow storm and the snow was mad high and we had to go to my “aunts†house one time and cool of and cool down cause we had frost bites well I had it but it was so cool and fun but my “mom†was walking all over the place buying stuff and we Woukd jump in the snow and okay in the snow I think that was the time when they had the biggest snow storm ever an they said it inn the news because of its height it was a blizzard or snow storm or a snow storm and the height I it was so unit nous and I remember her method her shopping nether she Woukd go to every store and see what’s on sale and buy it she Woukd go to every store and but what was on sale and when she got on the bus she Woukd trick them our Jose was a block away and she Woukd say which was is an they Woukd tell her an then we Woukd ride the bus to our stop and act like we’re going in the opposite direction and that’s wrong that was wrong and she did it all the time for us and her and so she always had us duck and doge the bill collectors and November tell nobody nothing I remember when I went to my cousins house or her cabinet or her room Chapter 18: so one time the computer was broken and untied to fix it and them blamed me for it that I broke it but it was running slow and nobody took the gesture into account thy I tried to fix it or tried to help in only making the computer and Internet faster and so they said I broke it and that it stopped working cause of me and they never let me come back ever since and they the ones that was downloading all these programs I just tried to fix it and so it wasn’t appreciated and rejected and ai they didn’t have a computer they had to get a laptop or somethin or another computer and I was to blame when I only tried to fix it and the programming in the computer case the settings were wrong they were all wrong and I guess when I clicked something it was all wrong and you couldn’t even get back on the computer or the desktop and so I would work or come on at all and the screen wouldn’t show up it was just a black screen and I typed something in or wrote something filters in and it wouldn’t go through and then the whole things shut down and wouldn’t work anymore it wasn’t working anymore but I guides ye not working pray or thing they liked it as is and could use it and stand it and ai when I came and saw something wrong with it they blamed me for trying to fix it screen all cracked Internet running slow programs not running as usual or as they are supposed to I see something wrong with theat and I saw something wrong with that and ai I click something an truer to fix it and it broke and stopped working sorry so? To Control: With the scars on her soul No one to control No one to hold Another lover in her soul He beholds the control Of the love of a one to hold Another in her soul Behold the control If What You Said Is True That God Sent You To Me To Help Me For Later On I Believe That Me And You Are The Two Witnesses Of Revelations11(KJV)â€God Sent Me To You To Help You For Later On†-Shaquasia Harden Revelation 11 King James Version (KJV) 11 And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein. 2 But the court which is without the temple leave out, and measure it not; for it is given unto the Gentiles: and the holy city shall they tread under foot forty and two months. 3 And I will give power unto my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy a thousand two hundred and threescore days, clothed in sackcloth. 4 These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth. 5 And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies: and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed. 6 These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy: and have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will. 7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them. 8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified. 9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves. 10 And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth. 11 And after three days and an half the spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them. 12 And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them. 13 And the same hour was there a great earthquake, and the tenth part of the city fell, and in the earthquake were slain of men seven thousand: and the remnant were affrighted, and gave glory to the God of heaven. 14 The second woe is past; and, behold, the third woe cometh quickly. 15 And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever. 16 And the four and twenty elders, which sat before God on their seats, fell upon their faces, and worshipped God, 17 Saying, We give thee thanks, O Lord God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned. 18 And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth. 19 And the temple of God was opened in heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ark of his testament: and there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail. King James Version (KJV) Chapter 19: Social Experiment: Chapter 20: Book Of Philosophy: I’m crumbling under the weight lord Can you hear me I’m crumbling under the weight sword Can you kill me He came to not send peace But a sword Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall see peace I grew up in Brooklyn New York east Flatbush and I have five brothers two sisters With You Alone: Don’t walk away With you I’m home Forevermore I love you Give me a chance I love you more and more I You know that’s true Give me an honorary And I’ll say I do With you alone I will run away I’ll say a prayer And I’ll go on and on I love you With you alone I gotta get pass these days I gotta get pass these days cause they are so interesting I just saw a girl worth grabbing worth talking and worth holding onto I don’t know what’s going on but why is it that when I’m at a club a girl walks right in front of me and god wants me to grab her why is it that she just can’t turn it around and back it up is it because I’m comfortable or is is because I gotta get out of my comfort zone I’m scared! a girl just walked by me and I’m huddled up against the wall in fear I think she told me to follow her I think that means to follow her man this same thing happened to me at a party and I asked the lord for this opportunity I saw a girl at the bar and at the end of the night she avoided me if she wanted to **** whatever she wanted to do it didn’t get done and she was interested and so I was regretful cause I didn’t say nothing I didn’t wear nothing and I didn’t tell her nothing and she she avoided me at the end of the night but it’s better to same something than to not say nothing at all even if it’s weak and shabby or weird but now I get the song say what you need to say no matter what it is cause I missed so many opportunities even like this and that’s why I said I gotta get this stuff out of me or maybe not cause I can’t think straight or it doesn’t allow me to or I should just get over fears cause I know and kyud always ask me everytime I see him what are you afraid of and I say I don’t know Kyushu I don’t know and then I get to explains the while or deal of and about how I feel inside and about things and from a personal perspective and from a personal point of view and this reminds me of this new librarian girl who just started working here they all get to liking you and they all are interested and then **** gets weird and your wearing the same clothes everyday and your like how do I get out of this cause your smelly and stink and god keep showing you girls and your like if only I could get out of this out of this state or this feel if only I had a job or a house or a place of my own or money or clothes an if only I finished school or could exercise more and there are a lot of factors to consider and to relate to cause I need to get my **** together and if only I had those things this god is not giving me I would get all the girls and bag mad bitches but even without that it’s all possible so you see the dilemma cause if without that girls take interest imagine with and god is good and girls don’t know nobody knows your whole life story or story when you first meet them or just met I do cause it is brought right to the forefront and I don’t say anything I would if I knew how to explain it to you and maybe I wouldn’t So god keeps showing me girls and I’m pissed right now cause of that opportunity I missed with the girl at the bar and he just keeps on and so this reminds me of that girl in the library she was there for a few days an she would smile an I would look and he would look but nobody ever says anything why I don’t know a woman may feel its a mans job a man may feel its a woman’s job and people are just normally shy and nervous and broken and just don know what to say or how to say it or formulate it and so no one says anything not even me my mouth is shut and what is your definition of a man and what is your definition of a woman cause there is nothing wrong with a man or woman not saying anything cause you can love without words just be in a relationship and the person knows that without words you love them that without words you care for them that without words you need them that without words you desire them Oh **** this thing is like natural it’s innate suicide Girl walks by me hello! oh uh I don’t know what to say hello is the best word to say Hey they use to have party’s I wonder what happened to them in the summer time hey I want to party hey I want some friends I need some friends Jesus give me some friends hey Jesus how come you never give me any friends when I ask you for it I need friends I want friends Jesus Jesus please give me Some friend hey I remember in school when I had to get to know everybody hey Jesus give me some friends and that’s how worst it is and so I decided to write this Ight something going on but life is more vibrant and there are mad girls around! Hello! Uh uh uh uh I long to hold a woman see what he does to me this is torment and torture And so fear hurts and you just stuck at a crossroads I remember someone danced to this song that I knew and loved dearly truly to my heart You’ll seem to do anything when your hungry and god has you homeless broke and unemployed and uneducated Come on what the ****! I’m tryna eat in peace! Tell me why when someone comes against you you see the shadow of Jesus what that mean he tryna comfort me HaHa Blood in my eyes tears in my nose Chapter 21: To Cry: Tryna play it off HaHa Sometimes your told not to cry but it’s good to cry #Popeyes tryna send me to the hospital what kind I franchise is this it’s right across the street if somebody come in your store leave them alone if they look depressed they may not they jut listening to music and thinking and it’s not your right to want or have the thought to send them to the hospital like that’s always the solution cause they may come after you and still have to deal with those same problems that you threw them in there with "My Parents:"People claim to be Jo they are not Everybody’s advice is unwanted! Would she still? HaHa you know some people are dumb "My Parents:"People claim to be who they are not! Everybody’s advice is unwanted! That’s my **** I’m over protective I see why I was overprotective cause you are mine that’s my **** you were mine. Today it’s time to soar! I also wanted to make funny for YouTube for people and for anything else like do “stupid†stuff and do “dumb†stuff and take a video of it White people white people are taking over I guess niggas ain’t doing their job (Black People) Sometimes I get desperate sometimes I get desperate and would eat off the floor and would even let the ground help me but that’s how god got me homeless broke and unemployed and uneducated HaHa The Truth About God And His Servant The Truth About God: His Servant: The Truth About God: God I know been I did that to you I’m open to you I’m open to your will I’m open to your heart I’m open to your streets walk the earth walk the way on my behalf and come get me I’m open to you lord God I know been I did that to you I’m open to you I’m open to your will I’m open to your heart I’m open to your streets I’m open walk the earth walk the way on my behalf and come get me I’m open to you lord #Abadnego LMFAO Why have kids? If your gonna fear fi dem I was on the bus and felt to slap a girls ass God tryna get me to go to jail! HaHa but you never know what can happen I gotta live I gotta live life and take risk and you never know she may want her ass slapped may have woke up this morning and walked out the door and said I want my ass slapped this morning or today and so god brought her on the bus or put her on the bus to get her ass slapped whose in control god and so I should slap her ass and I felt it to do so but I didn’t another hesitation another regret another fear of I felt to kiss a girl I did not know on the train what that mean I I didn’t and I may see god in heaven and he may be like I could’ve helped you or I may not see god in heaven but I must take rush and live life and take chances and do whatever I have to do for me this bus is so crowded and it’s getting more crowded I hope I don’t miss dinner but he told me already I would that I would and so I gotta find something I eat but god will make a way where there is no way and I need $4 for the party and I’m trying to not spend the $6 I have cause it’s Thursday and it’s already so hard or so easy and I need to get the other $4 cause the party is on Saturday this Saturday and if I can’t ind no clothes I might as well wear the ones I have and wash it and wash them so that they’ll be clean for Saturday and no one will ever know hope i look nice maybe they will and smell good cause I’m in there tonight party tune up! Drinks everywhere and girls shots shots shots shots shots shots shots and now I felt to kiss a woman with a child man god is on a role and that’s the fear and doubt there is no telling what can happen and ai I gotta do something cause you never know she may need some help or some loving is god really telling you this you ask? is that any of your business I ain’t gonna be a **** and if you are than that’s you take risk take chances and see if Gid is telling you these things no matter what happens cause you never know he could help you and it could be the outcome you perceived so take risk and take chances and god can help you in you endeavors or whatever you want to do everybody’s not **** so why should you girls girls girls getting on the bus and piling up on the bus but I’m sitting down I can’t get up or don’t wanna get up to run up on one of them or dubb or dance or grind on one of them so my bad and no seats for you cause you don’t give me none so party this Saturday I’m in there! I Like Muhself People looking at me like….what do you think the bus was created for to stand! This woman have up her seat I said inside she did the right thing but then I felt did she really do the right thing cause the woman came on the bus with a cane and god know you intentions so did she do the right thing and why look at me if I’m not doing nothing and just sitting down minding my business why start trouble and bother me I ain’t giving my seat Uo for nobody “man†or not who came up with that **** anyway I should beat the **** out of them I should **** them up and that’s why woman are takin over cause “men†have hearts and woman have bronze or the armor that “men†should be wearing and they not so woman are taking over and they got it on now and they let them Do why they want when they should get slapped and fucked up cause they over step they boundaries and they it the “law†and everything which hid is trying to remind me so that fucks it up for me but if it wasn’t there it would be done and it would be over and I feel god taking it away or changing it for my Benoit or on my behalf he can do that he coulda do that change laws for you and on your behalf you just it I say “the right thing†and say “the word of god†to him to get what you want and change his mind how do you think Jesus did it think think prayer and so do so you never know how you can benefit or what you can get from it or out of it you can’t pray against each other or on each others behalf or I think you can but I know what you doing and thinking and so it don’t work like that I can feel it and pray as fervently as you may god is not gonna help you from this or me if I’m a COG I’m killing you and I’m coming for you and not if god allows it cause **** that shot and **** you I know your prayers and I hear them you bastard **** outta here keep praying ass hole your breaking your braking through keep praying your cracking oh now your just scratching the surface see I told you god won’t allow it and now nothing nothing’s there it’s nothing your prayers are feeble and weak na mon How did I know this milk was warm! I felt it! and drank some man I’m not supposed to drink milk he told me not to drink milk I’m lactose and tolerant This walk is becoming more gay and gay as I wake up every morning or as I wake up in the morning Never catch an attitude to quickly cause you never know what blessing may be in store Never be patient if you are not willing Always be demanding when you want something don’t be afraid to ask If your hungry say you hungry Chapter 22: Sunsets: I remember when I wanted to take pictures of nature or something the wind Sometimes we wanna dance but we suppress ourselves why? #At Parties It’s 10:30.p.m. and already he got two girls next to me he already had four who looked at me weird but hey I don’t know what to do because I feel that she wants me to dance with her but idk and I’m not fearful right now and it’s to early Embarrassment #1 I didn’t dance with her and it’s getting more fervent and hot in here but maybe I should just to try to see what happens but hey this is how it always goes and it always goes the same way and they playing all the good songs and a girl just stood right in front of me all I have to do is grab her but I’m not and she right there near my dick all she gotta do is back up but god is playing me and mocking me Your not alone I always gotta know that when I do something that I’m not alone your fear can lead you in the right direction Did I just take milk to the head! Did I just almost take grape soda to the head! HaHaHaHa god stopped me or somebody at that one it was unnoticeable cause I was in Popeyes drinking soda and I was about to do the same thing with the milk and take it to the head but somebody stopped me and I didn’t know I was about to do that it just happened They can do something to you you don’t notice it until its to late The simple things! you see why ya were perfect for each other you don’t ask for nothing You know when people are afraid for their faithfulness to be tested you already know that they’re Unfaithful Chapter 23: The rain seems lovely! I’m broke but he’s with me my fathers with me he always uses good people to do his will and do what he wants I gotta find them the refugees that stick in my mind the most refuge He also said that they being from a foreign country was true haiti but there not Haitian idk Look the voices saved a life well I saved a life cause I heard it look the voices that I hear or heard saved lives well I saved lives cause I heard it or them at a party so who ate you to tell me to not listen to my vices or gear them aren’t always about suicide and killing yourself if you listened or payed attention more and listens to them or your voices the ones in your head or your mind what about your family the ones that died or your ancestors don’t you think they talk to you and speak to you on a day to day or regular basis or daily how do you think HESUS got here or the †desciples†when jesus transfigured on the mountain or on top of the mountain and he took three with him three of his desciples three of his favorite desciples three of his favorite fucking desciples on a mountain and transfigured and showed them what it was or what he looked like or not I wonder if I was there that thought came to mind or the question was asked or the thought came to mind or head but who was I which one was I or who was I I remover being in the toilet and someone gave me this track an I started to read it and I saw jesus on the cross and started to gasp for air it was like I couldn’t breath it was like I was there like I was and so I also saw myself in the crowd looking at Jesus and I couldn’t breath and I was like oh **** and then kept on reading the track on the toilet it was very dark rainy and clouds everywhere no clouds just like they said in the word or the bible but didn’t say that I or he couldn’t breath gasping for air idk what’s found on or what happened but why is he here again and how many times did he get here or. One here and they call it a second coming and I see why cause that’s the only time they saw him HaHa LMFAO but he can come her anytime he wants as anybody he wants HaHa LMfAOthe second coming of crhrist or god or jesus HaHaHaHaHa LMFAO twice two times ya saw this nigga smh smfh HaHaHaHaHa LMFAO who am I I don’t know I see jail he’s shown me jail or a cell like he’s going to throw me in prison or jail to teach me a lesson maybe there is somebody or something he needs me or want me to talk to I need to stop praying this always happened I meet strange people or people or end Uo talking speaking or preaching or getting my ass whooped or fucked up or keeping quiet or not saying nothing standing standing up for something standing Uo for nothing and just standing its different it’s different the experiences are different and vary by however his wants it to go not! but I get out when I want to get out and so he’s showing me jail and prison like he gonna throw me in there’s after what I said but I did do community service and didn’t go to court to varifu that I did it I’m stalling or I’m scared and maybe this is his oppurtonity to use me like he always does cause I missed my first community service day cause he didn’t wake me up and remind me that it was monday and not Sunday and that I had a community service day and so I missed it and you know I don’t have no support or friends I live in a shelter and ai who better to remind me if nobody knows my business and so how this went is that I went to court and the guy wanted and pushed for a weekend day and so I wanted to get this over with cause I finally convinced my lawyer to fight for something I pleaded innocent and asked her to asked the judge or the attorney to dismiss the case cause unfelt it in my heart I felt it on my heart or everywhere I went or go so I had to ask or to try when the court day came and they sai yea and so case dismissed on the chart of the Poseidon of two blades which was a lie but racial profiling and I needed to protect myself if nobody goons protect me out ere on the streets and not even the law or the police or family or his Jesus Christ or the holy spirit or his angels or people then what I gotta do? I gotta protect myself right I was going through this point and time where god int care and he still doesn’t that’s why he’s fucking me over and screwing me over and ruining my life that’s why I wanna go back! I wanna go back! He’s still showing me an revealing to me stuff but I just want the girl! **** these other broads but these other broads is what makes life worth while but there not broads and I see why she hit the head in my visions when that ghetto girl or my girlfriend or girl pushed or knocked my head because of this that girls are broads or **** these others broads or that there not broads or are boards I’m confused I’m always confused that’s my favorite word bit now no more I don’t have no favorites or anymore favorite or likes or dislikes its just uhhhhhh! #The Voices That I Hear Christians: so what’s up what’s going on what was that I don’t know why do you look like that look if only somebody let’s me do what I wanna do I wanna rap but ya don’t let me it’s like that it’s like this you ever felt to say something but you didn’t because you wonder or thought what would god think or feel you ever had your thoughts lead you in a certain direction and our mind direct you and your heart lead you to do or say a certain thing but you stop yourself because you thought or wondered what god gonna say what if that’s the direction and way he wanted you to go when you rap or in Christian raps or just rapping or raps in general many people block and hinder they thoughts an don’t get nowhere an don’t wanna listen to the voices or the lords you hear or the louds you hear or the sounds you hear or the clouds you hear or the clouds you fear WoW we spend most of our time In the bathroom but never on the case I ain’t never gonna beg you why do your boyfriends beg you it’s like they bowing to you and I bow to no one why do they beg you to come back or ask you to stay cause your a bitch you play games and your controlling I guess “god†gave me my own type and my own medicine HaHaHaHa LMFAO What if it’s a hope worth held onto? I’m still in love with you shattered or not love is love Chapter 24: The one person that means something to me I treat like **** "When you pray God hears your heart more than the words" Chapter 25: The Days Of The Latter Rain: Raised in a dysfunction home I grew up a Jehovah witness and at 17 I became a Christian I knew at a young age that God had a plan for me and it was for me to preach at one pout of time in my life in my childhood I made fun of a pastor a TV of a sermon that I heard and I guess that is what God wanted me to do from now on in the moment my freshman year of HighSchool I met this girl I knew she was the one because out of all the girls I knew and in the school she stood out this is the end times the later days The Days Of The Latter Rain: I had an instant appetite to read books I was an avid reader growing up I did alot of dumb things growing up I didn’t know then what I knew now I had friends who were Christian they were loving and good to me my best friends weren’t or my close friends I spent alot of time with my friends growing up and in HighSchool when I got saved I was on fire for God preaching the gospel on the train from 6am and 2:45pm when I would open the bible it was like God would open it up to me I found the lord and became passionate about the lord at 17 but formally since childhood I have a sinful past I still have my biological father in my life I love my mother and I miss them but I know who my real father is I denounced my parents for years because I knew who God was and who God was to me I am broken so many times I tried to destroy my life and God saved me the worlds need a savior I want to show the world what a man really is and who God really is there is a biological father in heaven who is real to me God has a plan for me I can’t do it anymore God I need help how do I give my testimony what’s my testimony what’s the two witnesses names Jesus God is going to do some special things in my life “when you pray God
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