This depression and despair is just overwhelming me, I went and got half a bottle of vodka this morning and have been drinking. I used to have a small issue with alcohol nothing major but I have a heavily addictive nature, I used to be addicted to heroin and methadone until Jesus saved me about 10 years ago. The major cause of my depression is not being born again and still being heavily addicted to smoking despite years of intense prayers and many failed attempts to quit. So scared I am going to die in my sins and end up in hell. This week it has been worse, I was deeply saddened by the news and prayer requests I posted yesterday for the poor pastors in Myanmar who are experiencing major trauma since the military coup started and its making me doubt God.s goodness, as well as Leah Sharibu and many others in Nigeria and other sub-suharan countries still being held captive at the hands of muslim terrorists Boko Haram. I know me and many others have been praying feverently for their release for many years and the Bible says ask and you shall receive. All I can do is cling on to the hope that God knows best and everything happens in His perfect timing, and also that though they may not be free He is answering our other requests for them and they are comforted. Please pray for me to break through this darkness and get free of this addiction and get right with Jesus again before its too late, I truly feel as though my soul is in major jepordy. Thanks so much for prayers God bless. Michelle.