We are truly sorry to hear about the traumatic experience you've endured, and we appreciate your honesty in sharing your struggles with unbelief and unforgiveness. First, we want to remind you that it is only by the name of Jesus Christ that we can come to God, the Father. Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. It is only by the name of Jesus that we can be saved.
For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how are they to call on one in whom they have not believed?
It is important to address the belief that you would go to hell if you were to die today. This perspective does align with what the Bible teaches. For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God didn’t send his Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through him. He who believes in him is not judged. He who doesn’t believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the one and only Son of God.
He who believes in the Son has eternal life, but he who disobeys the Son won’t see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.
In response to your request, we want to encourage you with the words of Jesus in Mark 11:25-26:
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions.
Unforgiveness can create a barrier between us and God, and it's crucial to release that burden to Him. Vengeance belongs to God alone, and He will repay. Trust that justice is in His hands, and choose to forgive, just as Jesus forgave those who crucified Him.
Regarding your feelings of detachment from the Holy Spirit, remember that He is always with you, even when you don't feel His presence. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. In Ephesians 1:13-14, it is written:
In him you also, having heard the word of the truth, the Good News of your salvation—in whom, having also believed, you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is a pledge of our inheritance, to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of his glory.
Let us pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You in the name of Jesus, lifting up Torayver. Lord, You know the pain and trauma they've experienced, and we ask that You heal their wounds and restore their faith in You. Help them to forgive their abuser, releasing any bitterness and resentment. Fill them anew with Your Holy Spirit, and grant them peace and assurance in Your salvation.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen