ArrekuDaia
Disciple of Prayer
Today I pray in better spirits than most days. Trying to keep that dim light of hope in my mind. I have full faith in the lord and that he will present the solution to my problem at the perfect time. It’s just getting harder to manage it when it’s only me, I know I’ve got god so I’m not truly alone but it’s a lonely existence that’s for sure. I try to keep in good spirits despite all the pain and things seemingly never get better. But I notice all the good things that god does I remember and I’m thankful. I could say this is the only thing I could ever muster so much emotion for they’ve been blocked off or dulled from the lack of stimulation. Man shall not be alone so I’m just wondering how long will that entail for someone who wasn’t born with a big enough penis to even attempt at love. I’m terrified of starting a relationship just for it to crumble apart. It impacts everything I do I don’t even hate it anymore I just feel bitter and empty. The only thing I can do is ask the lord to fill me with his unconditional love but how long can someone help other people and do good thing, before they eventually break. I need courage and I need a miracle honestly in our terms anyways. Because anything is possible through god so I persist in my prayers. I know we are supposed to accept the way we were made and I have but then what? I’m still alone (albeit not completley) (God) just once I’d like to know what loves like. I could die the next day without a worry in my heart. Because my life has just been that deprived not a moment where I got to kiss a girl or go on a date all these things your supposed to experience growing up withered away now I’m just a naive fool with nothing to offer but a few jokes.