Let's continue to lift up Smilee for complete healing. "By His wounds we are healed" (Isa 53:5). Trusting God for restored mobility and relief from knee pain and discomfort. Also, praying for a career breakthrough, divine wisdom, and guidance. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord (Jer 29:11). In Jesus' name! 
**Prayer Updates** 
**Health:**
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**Guidance:**
Anonymous
Beloved of All
Waiting for God is tiring. Working on my personal problems is tiring. Being a father whilst having these personality problems is tiring and heartbreaking for my children. They could have a better version of me but they have the current me who is flawed in ways I shouldn’t be flawed and I am so angry at myself for thinking I was better then I was. That I was ready to have kids, and be married. I am an older parent and didn’t want to miss out, but I didn’t really know or accept how lacking in self-discipline and self-regulation I am. I make mistakes I don’t even know I’m making at the time and then later I am consumed with guilt. Drugs, television, alcohol, explicit content, lust have damaged my way of thinking. We live in a world where these things are impossible to avoid but being well enough and strong enough to not be affected to sin or to have balance is what I need. I also know ### social media using my smart phone too much damages me. There are people pretending to be conservative Christians who are deliberately sinning—cheating people. Lying for money. I don’t want to be a liar and a cheat. If I am good people can know that if I am bad people can know that too. Then everyone is safe. I don’t know the Bible or Christ well enough to say confidently all joy is given through Christ but I imagine it is. I struggle to feel relief and joy. I struggle to relax, to sleep to have a clear mind. I struggle to watch tv, then I worry I am watching something that harms my spiritual growth. But I need to do something! I can’t just post here all day! I am struggling to truly be renewed to Christ as a person. I have been so far away from church for so long. I have felt joy and done good but I have also done bad things. I lose money. I lose my temper. I lack understanding of things. I use charm and being “nice” to get people to like me. My wife and I argue often. I struggle to trust her. I also don’t listen to her. I don’t know how she truly feels about many things. I am so sad about this. That she is so scared to love me and confide in me. I feel I am running out of time as a father to positively influence my children’s life. I am running out of time!!!! It’s going quicker than I can cope with. I don’t have good clean healthy fun. I do not exercise often. I sit in watching tv. I hide from people and the world because I am often a misanthrope. I feel I have been so hurt by people in my past and I have hurt them that I cannot engage in the world. Also I am trying to totally change my abusive bad, unhinged, unkind, angry behaviour. I lose my temper with my family and think it’s justified it’s not. I saw my wife act like me. It’s awful. I have no moral authority either to stop her because I am like that all the time. Please I really need God to help me quickly, like change me right now! Never again to be that horrible parent and person who can’t see that the reason they are angry is not because the other person or child deserves it, but because I am being mean. I am so ashamed. I cannot self-regulate myself well enough as a husband and father should. I am of African descent not western, so I find it difficult to use western male role models sometimes. To imagine myself in a western way. The world often tells me I’m a foreigner so I believe it. I don’t want to be I want to be a good man, in this community or in Africa, a good man period. I am trying to be able to work on myself and not fear losing my children. They have not been baptised. I don’t want them to harm others or to be harmed. I have done badly but I just tried to love my children and do well. I didn’t know I had to be responsible spiritually as a parent also. I struggle to go to church I am so conflicted. I want to actually be good and get rid of all my boring bad behaviour. Then I can help my family, and community and not be a pariah. I feel I have manipulated my children into loving me. I try to keep them all to myself. I don’t want this. Somewhere, somehow I know what is right. I want to do this and am so so sad I don’t. Please help me to understand and to stop ruining everything. Please help me to control myself. To learn about my private parts and how to use them. To help my children. To not get them talking like cartoon characters because they watch too much YouTube. To help them to not fight as siblings. To help them to be the good everyone knows is right as children, they are innocent and I am bad for not doing better. Please help my wife to trust me and know God. To get over the pain she has suffered from others that keeps her sceptical and the pain I cause her. Lord I want to cut all ties with darkness and the bad one. I just want peace and to sin no more. Please I’ll do anything, pick me up and guide my steps because I always fall into danger always and I am so so tired please help me.
