Chosenbyone
Disciple of Prayer
I want to thank you guys for your prayers and your thoughts and concerns and praying for my hearing and the outcome of it I don't think it went well I have trouble thinking before I speak and things come out that I don't really want to come out or in ways that I don't mean them I was really floored though government meaning social security one of their first three questions and if I didn't take god seriously or his mission and things that he did and understand the things he went through just in misunderstandings and greed to let him to his persecution and crucifixion was because the people that run the show he was going against to find the highly offensive within their first three questions I was asked if I went to church and about my religion it doesn't pertain to any of my physical or mental ailments I told them I believe in Jesus I believe in his mission I believe in everything about him I was so believing that I don't have to go to a church to be with God or to pray to God and anymore no matter how much we like churches you're naive if you don't think they're a business I also don't support evil and supporting churches with money for popular game seems to be about the only thing that we push in America anymore and God's message is being misconstrued to our youth not only that I applied for this because of my mental disabilities I've always had my whole life but this last 3 years the things I have gone through the dramatic traumatic things that have been never ending and just seem to be one right after another have left me to almost in a vegetable state where I literally just wake up I can't tell you about my day I can't tell you what I want to do I can tell you I want to do all of it I'm scared I'm scared I'm going to end up flipping out and hurting somebody or not mean to scared that I'm going to lash out on somebody that doesn't deserve it at all everything that I have experienced today with social security is literally led me to believe that our government gives zero cares about your mental health for the things make it almost impossible to want to live all because I can walk and talk it's been a lot of these rejections in my life not just from social security the things in in similar context it's really pushed my faith in the Bible when Jesus and I'm pretty sure it's the Pharisees they want Jesus to condemn the prostitute between that story and the story of the bleeding woman is where I found faith in Jesus and in God in the book of Job there's an absolutely beautifully poetic masterful piece of art no job he was blameless I'm not blameless I've done it all wrong I've also done a lot of right to try to make up for all those wrongs I tried to learn from my wrongs to make them rights pretty sure that's what repentance is I am so bothered the fact in my religion somehow has to do with my mental and physical disabilities after that question I wasn't calm anymore I use words that I try to refrain from I lashed out about the things that have happened which is only makes sense to me because I can't talk about them without some kind of frustration and panic which tends to come out for me is being hostile but I just want to know your guys's thoughts on that well there was right for them to ask me that I didn't ask about my Creed my color nothing like that so why is my religion and my relationship with God have anything to do with why I had that hearing today I'm sorry for my rambles I would just like to know you guys as honest opinions and I really wanted to thank you guys for the prayers I don't have many people in my life I pushed a lot of them away nor do I have a lot of people in my life to believe but through Jesus I found you guys I thank you for all your prayers and and your kindness and love through Jesus we pray amen