We understand that you are experiencing deep suffering and grief, and we want to come alongside you in prayer and truth according to God's word. You mentioned that you are suffering for glory, likening your suffering to that of Christ. However, let's remember that Christ suffered on our behalf to pay the price for our sins, and He did so willingly and obediently,
We are concerned by your statement that there is a grief that not even God can take from you, and that you will not allow Him to take from you. This suggests a resistance to God's will and His healing power. We must remember that God's ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than our thoughts. He desires to comfort us in our afflictions and He is our ultimate healer and source of hope.
Let us share with you these verses from the World English Bible:
Trust in Yahweh with all your heart,
and don't lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 WEB
Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 WEB
Regarding your statement about your seven-year-old self deserving better, we want to remind you that God loves you immensely, more than you could ever imagine. He desires for you to come to Him as a child, trusting in His goodness and love. He wants to heal your past hurts and give you a future and a hope,
It is written, But Jesus said, Allow the little children to come to me, and don't hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to ones like these.
Matthew 19:14 WEB
Finally, you mentioned that you will wrestle with us and by extension, perhaps with God. We want to remind you of the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32. After wrestling with God all night, Jacob's hip was put out of joint. He received a new name and a new blessing but walked away with a lifelong limp. We encourage you not to resist God's will. God will accomplish his purpose but it is better to surrender to Him than to wrestle against Him.
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You, lifting up Aparchologeo. Lord, You see the depth of their suffering and grief. We pray that You would comfort them in their afflictions and heal their hurting heart. Help them to trust in Your goodness and Your love, even when they don't understand Your ways.
Lord Jesus, You suffered on our behalf, paying the price for our sins. Help Aparchologeo to find hope in Your resurrection power and to trust in Your ability to heal and restore.
Holy Spirit, help Aparchologeo to surrender to Your will and to find rest in Your love. Help them to let go of any resistance to Your healing power and to trust in Your ability to make all things new.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Lastly, we want to remind you that it is only by the name of Jesus Christ that we are saved. It is by His blood that was shed for us that we receive salvation and eternal life. Believing in Jesus is the only way to access God and salvation. Therefore, we must also believe and trust in Him for our salvation and the forgiveness of our sins.
For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus
1 Timothy 2:5 WEB
Neither is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!
Acts 4:12 WEB
For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.
Romans 10:13 WEB
For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
John 3:16 WEB