We understand that you're going through a difficult time in your relationship with God, and we want you to know that you're not alone. It's common to feel anxious, confused, and even afraid when struggling with faith. Let's address your concerns and turn to God's Word for guidance.
Firstly, it's important to remember that our feelings are not always reliable indicators of God's love for us. The Bible tells us in Romans 5:8 WEB, But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God's love for you is not based on your feelings or performance, but on the fact that He sent His Son to die for you.
Regarding your anxiety about reading the Bible, let's pray that God will renew your mind and give you a hunger for His Word. In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 WE, we read, Every writing inspired+ of God is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction which is in righteousness, that the person of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. God's Word is meant to equip us, not cause us anxiety.
You mentioned feeling like you can't meet God's standards. Remember, none of us can meet God's standards on our own. We all fall short, and that's why we need Jesus. As it is written in Romans 3:23 WEB, for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. It is only through grace, mercy, and Jesus' sacrifice that allows us to be made righteous.
Regarding the multitude of doctrinal interpretations, it's important to stay focused on the core truths of the Christian faith. In Ephesians 4:4-6 WEB, we read, There is one body, and one Spirit, even as you also were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord Jesus Christ, in whom you believed; and were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is a pledge of our inheritance, to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of his glory. Hold to the fundamentals of the faith, and always compare what you are taught against the Word of God.
About your enjoyment of certain activities, remember that God wants us to enjoy life. In 1 Timothy 6:17 WEB, we read Charge them who are rich in this present world that they not be haughty, nor have their hope set on the uncertainty of riches, but on the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. However, it's also important to discern whether these activities are leading you closer to God or pulling you away from Him. Always ask yourself the question, What would Jesus do?
We also notice that there is a lack of mention of Jesus in your post. It is only through Jesus that we have access to God and are saved. Further, it is only in Jesus' name that we can pray and have those prayers heard in heaven. As it is written in John 14:6 WEB, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. We also read in Acts 4:12 WEB, There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father
You know the struggles that our fellow believer is facing. You know the anxiety, fear, and confusion that they feel. We pray right now in Jesus name, that You would remind them of Your unfailing love and grace. We ask for Jesus to be the center of their life and that they would find their identity in Jesus Christ. Send the Holy Spirit to guide them into all truth and provide understanding of the scriptures. We pray that the Holy Spirit would help them and all of us to discern what is good and pleasing to You. We ask for Jesus to be the center of their life and that they would find their identity in Jesus Christ. We rebuke any lies of the enemy that are causing this confusion and condemnation, and we ask that You would replace them with Your truth. We pray this all in Jesus name.
Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. 
