Starting Over

Anonymous · 2025-02-07T11:18:55-0600

Lately, everything has been a downhill. And I feel so much anger towards the Lord, and numbness towards everything else.

I want control over certain situations of my life, I want to come out victorious my way. Instead, everyone sees me as a villain. I don't blame them, really. But what many don't understand is how much I struggle with myself.

I get that there will always be consequences to my actions. That whatever choice I make, I will suffer from it. And that's fine with me. What I don't understand is how people seem to get away with their actions towards me. I want people to apologize to me, for hurting me. For leaving me. But I never do get that. But I have to seek forgiveness from them? When I apologize, they spit it on my face?

I'm tired of trying to do things God's way. I'm also tired of doing things my way.

I am so tired. Exhausted of the events of my life, I want to give up. I get that God simply allows things to happen.

In my defense, none of my problems would ever have existed if I never existed. I get that people will hate me for this. People will fight me for this.

They'll say that the Lord loves me, and I get it. But I don't feel it. And if God does love me, I hope He just answers that single prayer of mine. That I just end completely.

I don't want to keep going, I don't want to fight anymore.

Nobody loves me. Nobody can love me.

Someone told me I could possibly have NPD, and who would want to be with someone who has NPD, right? My greatest fear in life was that I will never be loved and if I do have NPD, no one in their right mind would even try to love me.

What does that mean, then? That God created me for nothing? I was a mistake?

Every time I feel an emotion, it dies just as quickly as it came. Bad news upon bad news just drowns out my feelings. Where is God, then?

People are telling me that God is a choice. Choosing God is an everyday decision. But I don't have it in me anymore.

I just don't want anything anymore.

I want to die. That's the truth.

Articles · 2025-02-07T11:21:34-0600

We understand that you're going through a incredibly difficult time, and we're here to pray with you and offer biblical guidance. First, we want to address the feelings of anger towards God. It's important to remember that God is not the cause of our pain, but He is the solution. In Isaiah 53:3 WEB it says, Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering; yet we considered him plagued, struck by God, and afflicted. We are sorry for your unhappiness, but we must remind you of what 1 Thessalonians 5:18 WEB says, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus ("IJC") toward you."

It's clear that you're struggling with feelings of resentment and a desire for control. However we are told in the Bible, Proverbs 3:5-6 WEB, "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." As well as Ephesians 4:31-32, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you."

Our desire to control situations led by anger and disappointment can be a dangerous situation. James 1:19-20 WEB explains this very succinctly, "Let every man (and woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man (or woman) doesn’t produce the righteousness of God." Your statements of wanting to come out victorious by your own means and in your own way are contrary to God's plan for self control, love, and forgiveness.

You mentioned that you're tired of trying to do things God's way and your way. It's important to understand that God's way is the only way that leads to true peace and fulfillment. In John 14:6 WEB Jesus said, " I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me." This is part of the salvation message. God wants us to come to Him with our struggles and frustrations. He wants us to cast our burdens on Him, because He cares for us. 1 Peter 5:7 WEB. If you are interested in knowing more about the salvation message, feel free to ask.

Regarding your thoughts about things being better if you never existed, It's heartbreaking that that you feel this way. You would be struck by the words in John 10:10 WEB, "The thief only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly." God has a plan that is not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 WEB. We also assure you that God does not make mistakes. In Psalm 139:13-14 WEB it says, "For you formed my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. My soul knows that very well."

Regarding your thoughts about being loved and wanting others to apologize. In Matthew 5:43-44 WEB Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you," Love is not earned and is to be unconditional. Apologies from others should not be a requirement for your happiness.

About your mention of a possible NPD diagnosis, remember that God can heal and restore all things. In Matthew 19:26 WEB Jesus said, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." However, concerning your fear that no one would love you if you had NPD, God's love surpasses all understanding. He loves you unconditionally, you do not need to earn His love. Nothing can separate us from the love of God, as explained in Romans 8:38-39 WEB, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” He can lead you to others who will love you as well.

We want to encourage you to seek professional biblical counseling to address these feelings of anger, hopelessness, and desire for control. It's crucial to surround yourself with a community of believers who can support and encourage you. Remember that you are not a mistake, and God has a purpose for your life.

Let's pray together:

Dear Heavenly Father IJC,

We come before You, lifting up this dear soul in prayer. We pray that You would heal their heart, Lord, and fill them with Your peace. Help them to cast their burdens on You, and to trust in Your unfailing love. Give them the strength to forgive those who have hurt them, and to seek forgiveness from those they have wronged. Surround them with a community of believers who will love and support them. In Jesus' name, we pray for healing, restoration, and a renewed sense of purpose. Give them the desire to live and not die. Remind them that You are always with them, even in their darkest moments. Give them the courage to do things Your way and not theirs. Help them to accept their identity in You, regardless of any human diagnosis. We ask all these things IJC. Amen.

hostadmin · 2025-02-07T11:24:38-0600

Dear friend, we're here with you, feeling the weight of your struggles. We want you to know that you're not alone, and we're praying for you.

We understand the frustration and numbness you're feeling. It's like you're stuck in a never-ending downpour, and you're tired of trying to swim against the current. But remember, even in the darkest storms, God is there, and He's calling you to trust Him.

You mentioned feeling like a villain, and we want to remind you that God sees you as His beloved child. In His eyes, you're not a villain, but a precious gem He's polishing. He's not the cause of your pain, but He's the solution. He's there to comfort and guide you.

We know it's hard to understand why people seem to get away with hurting you, but remember, God sees all, and He will make all things right in His time. He's calling you to forgive, just as He has forgiven you. It's not easy, but it's the path to healing and freedom.

You're tired, and that's okay. It's okay to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. But please, don't give up. Don't give in to the thought of wanting to die. You are loved, deeply and unconditionally, by a God who created you on purpose, for a purpose.

We're here for you, and we're praying for you. We're asking God to fill you with His peace, to heal your heart, and to give you the strength to keep going. We're asking Him to surround you with love and support, and to help you find purpose and meaning in your life again.

Please, keep fighting. Keep trusting. And remember, you are never alone. God is always with you, even in the darkest moments. And we're here too, standing with you, praying for you, and loving you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Stitcher · 2025-02-07T11:49:53-0600

I have prayed for this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen

Cinu · 2025-02-07T16:18:36-0600

Lord, we pray for this prayer and family for blessings healing and salvation. Heal and bless. May their lives be a praise and glory unto thee.
Come to the Lord's holy presence. Seek him with all your heart. Cling to his Word and meditate on it moment by moment by positive thoughts and joy in the heart (James 1:2-4), knowing that the Lord is good and to him be all the praise. Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Even though life may feel hard, the Lord's hand will be on you, and he will answer in his time. I am praying for you. Amen.

Some resources that might help.

Needs: - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19(KJV)

Salvation: - So they said "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved you and your household." Acts 16:31(NKJV)

Healing: - But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5(NKJV)

Fulfillment by the Holy Spirit: - Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6(KJV)

Persecutions: - But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. Luke 6:27-28(KJV)

Help in Prayer

Dwelling and Thriving in God’s grace where everything happens for good (Romans 8:28)

Pray that the Lord may open the eyes of the nations affected by coronavirus (Specifically forces against God’s people)

sermons

Be a Prayer Warrior: “Praying for others”

The Encourager · 2025-02-07T20:25:00-0600

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleansed me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ Jesus. Transform and renew my mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by Encourager Linda Flagg, M.A., Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach.